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Consider these two statements that I believe to be true. "Start-ups are these great enterprises where individuals make huge sacrifices in order to take a chanc

Consider these two statements that I believe to be true. "Start-ups are these great enterprises where individuals make huge sacrifices in order to take a chance at achieving amazing things." "Great parents make huge sacrifices in the best interest of their children". The problem is that you can only make so many sacrifices in life. Maybe one day we'll live in a utopia, but not anytime soon. Sometimes you have to pick one.

eggy 11y ago
This is 'grown-up' truth vs. children's belief they can have everything; you sometimes have to chose. How you chose determines everything. I was very successful at what I did, but I couldn't save enough to early, or semi-retire due to family dependencies. I made the choice to take what little I did manage to save and live in East Java, Indonesia, where the savings will last me approximately one year. They would last all of 2 months maximum in NYC, or any other big Western city. The flip side is that I have been healthier than ever before. Sleeping more than 8 hours per day, exercising each day, meditating and just playing with my one-year old in a very rural setting (half or more houses have dirt floors here), with clean air. It is about choices, and sometimes the right choice is clouded by our daily routine, or personal fear to break out and try something new. I may be returning to a similar job if I don't find a way to make a minimal income to remain here, but it will always have been beneficial to my mental and physical well-being moving forward. I wish Jessica all the best, and regardless of her regrets with her family before, she is headed in a positive direction. Better late than never.
- Retra 11y ago
  One of main reasons people work so hard is because they believe they can have everything. And all the stuff you have right now is "everything" to a great many people in human history, so it's obviously possible that you can have more.
gbog 11y ago
> "Great parents make huge sacrifices in the best interest of their children". I have 3 kids all below 6yo, and can't understand why people believe they have to make so many sacrifices for their kids. I go drink beers with friends every week-end, my wife and I watch movies, go hiking or camping with the kids, do normal stuff adult do. At home, with the kids, I do the stuff that I like and listen to the music I like, watch cartoons with them. I'll never force myself to listen to shitty kid music, or watch silly cartoons: I have found some cartoons that we all can enjoy (Miyasaki, Les Shadocks, Old Disneys, Pink Panther, ...) I also consider that sacrificing yourself to your kids is not only bad for you, it is bad for them too: it is a burden on their shoulder they didn't ask for. Moreover, faking it do not work, they'll know before you that you are bored by shitty kid's music or cartoons. Oh, and we play Lego together too.
- whistlerbrk 11y ago
  Thank you for writing this. I'm about to become a new dad and this is very reassuring and I have seen exactly what you describe in my brother, ie needlessly sacrificing himself for the "sake of his kids".
- cik2e 11y ago
  As an almost 30 year old male who is very anxious about the prospect of having to have children in the next <5 years due to my girlfriend's biological clock, I find this very reassuring. Looking back on it, my childhood was similar to what you describe and I gained a huge amount of independence from it. Granted, as a single child, it seems that being left to my own devices so often while growing up may have added to my introverted tendencies. However, having some siblings around should help my future little introverts find balance.
  - danieldk 11y ago
    As an almost 30 year old male who is very anxious about the prospect of having to have children in the next <5 years due to my girlfriend's biological clock, I find this very reassuring. I don't think your parent's post is necessarily representative. It depends a lot on the child and the circumstances. E.g., we live relatively far away from family, so we cannot just bring our daughter to her grandparents for a sleepover. Our life has definitely changed and where there used to be a lot of time to hack and tinker, it's far less now. Our daughter falls asleep easily and sleeps until 8 or 9 in the weekends, so we are still pretty lucky :). The important thing is that you also get a lot back. Having a child is a lot of fun. They are cute and do funny things. And you can do nice things together, like going to a playground or hiking a bit. I also think having a child put more balance in our lives. Work is really 8:00-17:00 (you have to pick them up ;)), but you also become more focused and efficient.
- chrissnell 11y ago
  Watching cartoons and listening to kids' music isn't a "sacrifice", not for me. It's fun to watch my boys enjoy something. I get great joy watching my three year old watch Octonauts and get so excited when the decorator crab steals Shellington's magnifying glass or whatever. I'll listen to Caspar Babypants every day on the way to daycare because it makes them happy, which makes me really happy. It's not a sacrifice. They'll be plenty of time to rock out to my music with them later on. Enjoy this while it lasts.
djkrul 11y ago
I have successfully bootstrapped a VPS / cloud hosting company with my 2 partners while my wife was pregnant of our first. We've had two more in the years after. Me and my wife both work 4 days so we can each spend a day a week with the kids (and weekends are reserved family time too). I started coding in my spare time and me and my partners only quit the day jobs when the company was pretty much self-sustaining. 7 years later we are an established and fast growing company (and if you're Dutch: We're hiring! https://www.tilaa.com/en/jobs https://www.tilaa.com/en/jobs ;). I'm not sure if things are much different in the US (I'm from the Netherlands), but I definitely think it's possible to have it both (a loving family and a flourishing business) without making big sacrifices.

eggy 11y ago

This is 'grown-up' truth vs. children's belief they can have everything; you sometimes have to chose. How you chose determines everything. I was very successful at what I did, but I couldn't save enough to early, or semi-retire due to family dependencies. I made the choice to take what little I did manage to save and live in East Java, Indonesia, where the savings will last me approximately one year. They would last all of 2 months maximum in NYC, or any other big Western city. The flip side is that I have been healthier than ever before. Sleeping more than 8 hours per day, exercising each day, meditating and just playing with my one-year old in a very rural setting (half or more houses have dirt floors here), with clean air. It is about choices, and sometimes the right choice is clouded by our daily routine, or personal fear to break out and try something new. I may be returning to a similar job if I don't find a way to make a minimal income to remain here, but it will always have been beneficial to my mental and physical well-being moving forward. I wish Jessica all the best, and regardless of her regrets with her family before, she is headed in a positive direction. Better late than never.

Retra 11y ago
One of main reasons people work so hard is because they believe they can have everything. And all the stuff you have right now is "everything" to a great many people in human history, so it's obviously possible that you can have more.

gbog 11y ago

> "Great parents make huge sacrifices in the best interest of their children". I have 3 kids all below 6yo, and can't understand why people believe they have to make so many sacrifices for their kids. I go drink beers with friends every week-end, my wife and I watch movies, go hiking or camping with the kids, do normal stuff adult do. At home, with the kids, I do the stuff that I like and listen to the music I like, watch cartoons with them. I'll never force myself to listen to shitty kid music, or watch silly cartoons: I have found some cartoons that we all can enjoy (Miyasaki, Les Shadocks, Old Disneys, Pink Panther, ...) I also consider that sacrificing yourself to your kids is not only bad for you, it is bad for them too: it is a burden on their shoulder they didn't ask for. Moreover, faking it do not work, they'll know before you that you are bored by shitty kid's music or cartoons. Oh, and we play Lego together too.

whistlerbrk 11y ago
Thank you for writing this. I'm about to become a new dad and this is very reassuring and I have seen exactly what you describe in my brother, ie needlessly sacrificing himself for the "sake of his kids".
cik2e 11y ago
As an almost 30 year old male who is very anxious about the prospect of having to have children in the next <5 years due to my girlfriend's biological clock, I find this very reassuring. Looking back on it, my childhood was similar to what you describe and I gained a huge amount of independence from it. Granted, as a single child, it seems that being left to my own devices so often while growing up may have added to my introverted tendencies. However, having some siblings around should help my future little introverts find balance.
- danieldk 11y ago
  As an almost 30 year old male who is very anxious about the prospect of having to have children in the next <5 years due to my girlfriend's biological clock, I find this very reassuring. I don't think your parent's post is necessarily representative. It depends a lot on the child and the circumstances. E.g., we live relatively far away from family, so we cannot just bring our daughter to her grandparents for a sleepover. Our life has definitely changed and where there used to be a lot of time to hack and tinker, it's far less now. Our daughter falls asleep easily and sleeps until 8 or 9 in the weekends, so we are still pretty lucky :). The important thing is that you also get a lot back. Having a child is a lot of fun. They are cute and do funny things. And you can do nice things together, like going to a playground or hiking a bit. I also think having a child put more balance in our lives. Work is really 8:00-17:00 (you have to pick them up ;)), but you also become more focused and efficient.
chrissnell 11y ago
Watching cartoons and listening to kids' music isn't a "sacrifice", not for me. It's fun to watch my boys enjoy something. I get great joy watching my three year old watch Octonauts and get so excited when the decorator crab steals Shellington's magnifying glass or whatever. I'll listen to Caspar Babypants every day on the way to daycare because it makes them happy, which makes me really happy. It's not a sacrifice. They'll be plenty of time to rock out to my music with them later on. Enjoy this while it lasts.

djkrul 11y ago

I have successfully bootstrapped a VPS / cloud hosting company with my 2 partners while my wife was pregnant of our first. We've had two more in the years after. Me and my wife both work 4 days so we can each spend a day a week with the kids (and weekends are reserved family time too). I started coding in my spare time and me and my partners only quit the day jobs when the company was pretty much self-sustaining. 7 years later we are an established and fast growing company (and if you're Dutch: We're hiring! https://www.tilaa.com/en/jobs https://www.tilaa.com/en/jobs ;). I'm not sure if things are much different in the US (I'm from the Netherlands), but I definitely think it's possible to have it both (a loving family and a flourishing business) without making big sacrifices.