To be clear, I never said things should never be taken personally. I tried to imply that is impractical to try to come up with super specific criteria when you

To be clear, I never said things should never be taken personally. I tried to imply that is impractical to try to come up with super specific criteria when you take it personally, and when you should let it go. It's going to a fuzzy thing that depends on specific circumstances. Sure, you can have some general principles, but I don't see how one can try to formalize it. I also didn't say you should ignore your feelings. Personally, I make an effort to be aware of my visceral reactions when things happen, and to not let my automatic, gut reaction run away with itself. But I do want to my understand my feelings, not just stifle them. However, I also try to emulate the mental space of the person who said the thing, and the wider impact of me speaking up, and only say something if I feel it will be received in a productive fashion and will be generally beneficial. Highly personal criticism (even when constructive) usually loses effectiveness if it is overgiven, and is also a socially expensive thing, as it often feels negative for the recipient in the initial instant. It also carries less weight when coming from someone you don't know that well or haven't built up trust with, which makes the expensive interaction to give feedback often times a waste, with little ROI.