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To be honest I think you should give people a little slack and relax. You are taking things too personally. Everyone has a bad day now and then. Based on your d

To be honest I think you should give people a little slack and relax. You are taking things too personally. Everyone has a bad day now and then. Based on your descriptions to me it looks like "not treating people poorly" would require almost superhuman capabilities from managers and coworkers. They probably have also lot of other stuff to worry about as well.

deleted 11y ago
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fredwu 11y ago
I think I do, hence I put this sentence in the article: "There are a few of these moments that I still find hard to swallow, but most of them I simply chuckle whenever I think about them. ;)" For most of these moments, it was more a reflection of my personality if anything - under the same circumstances, I know I _wouldn't_ treat others the same way I was treated back then. I much prefer to use softer tones and more positive ways to start those conversations.
repomies691 11y ago
"under the same circumstances, I know I _wouldn't_ treat others the same way I was treated back then" I wouldn't dare to make that claim. Every situation is different and also everyone's mood varies from day to day. It is very difficult to be that nice guy all the time.
- bakeryOnMain 11y ago
  It should not be difficult to be a nice person all the time. We are building software, and/or managing a product/team. It's a communal effort that requires empathy, kindness, and love. If you are one of the few who can't love your fellow coworker/subordinate/boss then you are toxic. Unfortunately, bullies existed on the playground and they exist in the software industry too.
  - aninhumer 11y ago
    > It should not be difficult to be a nice person all the time. There's a huge difference between most of the time and all of the time. I'm a strong advocate of empathy in the workplace, but part of that is recognising that sometimes people are just in a bad mood. Someone who snaps at you because they're really stressed that day is in no way a bully.
    - lbn 11y ago
      If you snap at someone because you are having a bad day you should apologise to that person or at least clarify that it's not personal. Having a bad day is not an excuse to be rude to someone, especially if they are not aware of that.
    - awinder 11y ago
      What do you do when you're in a bad mood and you blow up on someone? You apologize the next day / whenever you calm down. And then that out-of-character event doesn't end up being someone's lasting impression of you.
    - spdionis 11y ago
      As always, the last 5% is the hardest part.
  - engi_nerd 11y ago
    > It should not be difficult to be a nice person all the time. I agree, it shouldn't be difficult, but some people seem to go out of their way to make it difficult.
- eropple 11y ago
  It may be difficult to always be nice. But what should never be difficult is being humane, and if it is there are deeper concerns to deal with.
- tamana 11y ago
  To put it differently: if you interviewed those people from the blog post, would they say that they do the things described in this article? Likely not!

deleted 11y ago

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fredwu 11y ago

I think I do, hence I put this sentence in the article: "There are a few of these moments that I still find hard to swallow, but most of them I simply chuckle whenever I think about them. ;)" For most of these moments, it was more a reflection of my personality if anything - under the same circumstances, I know I _wouldn't_ treat others the same way I was treated back then. I much prefer to use softer tones and more positive ways to start those conversations.

repomies691 11y ago

"under the same circumstances, I know I _wouldn't_ treat others the same way I was treated back then" I wouldn't dare to make that claim. Every situation is different and also everyone's mood varies from day to day. It is very difficult to be that nice guy all the time.

bakeryOnMain 11y ago
It should not be difficult to be a nice person all the time. We are building software, and/or managing a product/team. It's a communal effort that requires empathy, kindness, and love. If you are one of the few who can't love your fellow coworker/subordinate/boss then you are toxic. Unfortunately, bullies existed on the playground and they exist in the software industry too.
- aninhumer 11y ago
  > It should not be difficult to be a nice person all the time. There's a huge difference between most of the time and all of the time. I'm a strong advocate of empathy in the workplace, but part of that is recognising that sometimes people are just in a bad mood. Someone who snaps at you because they're really stressed that day is in no way a bully.
  - lbn 11y ago
    If you snap at someone because you are having a bad day you should apologise to that person or at least clarify that it's not personal. Having a bad day is not an excuse to be rude to someone, especially if they are not aware of that.
  - awinder 11y ago
    What do you do when you're in a bad mood and you blow up on someone? You apologize the next day / whenever you calm down. And then that out-of-character event doesn't end up being someone's lasting impression of you.
  - spdionis 11y ago
    As always, the last 5% is the hardest part.
- engi_nerd 11y ago
  > It should not be difficult to be a nice person all the time. I agree, it shouldn't be difficult, but some people seem to go out of their way to make it difficult.
eropple 11y ago
It may be difficult to always be nice. But what should never be difficult is being humane, and if it is there are deeper concerns to deal with.
tamana 11y ago
To put it differently: if you interviewed those people from the blog post, would they say that they do the things described in this article? Likely not!