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I think this guy gets it wrong, and this has nothing to do with being 'smart', but rather sitting somewhere along the aspergers/autism spectrum. The one intere

by halviti 11y ago

I think this guy gets it wrong, and this has nothing to do with being 'smart', but rather sitting somewhere along the aspergers/autism spectrum. The one interesting takeaway for me was this: "I realized that the reason people missed me was because they had received positive energy from me. And the reason I didn’t miss them is because I rarely received positive energy from them. But this wasn’t because they didn’t send it. It was because I saw it coming. I expected it, and therefore could never feel real gratitude." I think he's on to something there that a lot of people like him might be doing but not thinking about. How to address this knowledge is left for the reader to determine.

tryitnow 11y ago
Yes. There's even something about the "tone" of this piece that screams "spectrum" to me. As far as I know there's not reliable evidence that smart people have fewer friends. In fact, I would hypothesize just the opposite. This is pretty easily testable. It sounds like he has a combination of Aspergers and depression. It's telling that he doesn't mention seeking out a mental health care provider. That sounds like the best course of action. It's noteworthy that he was raised in a Christian household. Frankly, most religions do not do a good job of taking mental health seriously. I sympathize with this post because I was raised as a conservative Christian and I had little to no exposure to modern mental health ideas when I was growing up. I ended up struggling massively with depression in my twenties because of it. Finally, therapy and medication helped to change my life for the better, in a way religion* never did (and probably couldn't). I hope this guy gets good professional help. Apparently, he's a coder so he can probably afford it. That would go a long way to solving his problems. It's also the truly "smart" thing to do. * This is not meant to disparage religion, there are plenty of good, well-qualified Christian therapist. Whatever your belief system, a trained professional is probably your best bet.
astazangasta 11y ago
>but rather sitting somewhere along the aspergers/autism spectrum. I think this is as contentless as his assertion that it is about being 'smart'. Let's just describe his behavior, not try and ascribe a spurious category to it. >It was because I saw it coming. I expected it, and therefore could never feel real gratitude. I have a hard time understanding this statement, and I think that rather than trying to parse it I would rather assert that his understanding of what constitutes a good friendship is still unformed. Forming good, deep friendships is hard. Our lives are idiosyncratic and complex; the emotional, political and social factors that satisfy us may become particularly gnarled and difficult. What I think most of us crave isn't reciprocal/mutual aid - this isn't really the basis of friendship, it's aid that is based on understanding. What I want to know of my friends is not "X helped me", but "X really understands what I want". This is hard to find, and for the insular individual who has trouble projecting his emotional needs (or hides them behind a mask of constant cheer), it might be even harder.

by halviti 11y ago

tryitnow 11y ago

Yes. There's even something about the "tone" of this piece that screams "spectrum" to me. As far as I know there's not reliable evidence that smart people have fewer friends. In fact, I would hypothesize just the opposite. This is pretty easily testable. It sounds like he has a combination of Aspergers and depression. It's telling that he doesn't mention seeking out a mental health care provider. That sounds like the best course of action. It's noteworthy that he was raised in a Christian household. Frankly, most religions do not do a good job of taking mental health seriously. I sympathize with this post because I was raised as a conservative Christian and I had little to no exposure to modern mental health ideas when I was growing up. I ended up struggling massively with depression in my twenties because of it. Finally, therapy and medication helped to change my life for the better, in a way religion* never did (and probably couldn't). I hope this guy gets good professional help. Apparently, he's a coder so he can probably afford it. That would go a long way to solving his problems. It's also the truly "smart" thing to do. * This is not meant to disparage religion, there are plenty of good, well-qualified Christian therapist. Whatever your belief system, a trained professional is probably your best bet.

astazangasta 11y ago

>but rather sitting somewhere along the aspergers/autism spectrum. I think this is as contentless as his assertion that it is about being 'smart'. Let's just describe his behavior, not try and ascribe a spurious category to it. >It was because I saw it coming. I expected it, and therefore could never feel real gratitude. I have a hard time understanding this statement, and I think that rather than trying to parse it I would rather assert that his understanding of what constitutes a good friendship is still unformed. Forming good, deep friendships is hard. Our lives are idiosyncratic and complex; the emotional, political and social factors that satisfy us may become particularly gnarled and difficult. What I think most of us crave isn't reciprocal/mutual aid - this isn't really the basis of friendship, it's aid that is based on understanding. What I want to know of my friends is not "X helped me", but "X really understands what I want". This is hard to find, and for the insular individual who has trouble projecting his emotional needs (or hides them behind a mask of constant cheer), it might be even harder.