Maybe it's the lack of emotional education from my childhood or i was born with it, but i'm diagnosed that i don't feel for myself, and (worse) mirror all the f

Maybe it's the lack of emotional education from my childhood or i was born with it, but i'm diagnosed that i don't feel for myself, and (worse) mirror all the feeling of others on me. Which explains why people tire me out so fast. And when i'm overwhelmed by people emotions in a room, i get iritated and aggressive (a lot). Now I realise that anger is a self defense mechanism because when my system is overloaded with people's emotions, it's a desperate but sane manuever of my subconscious in order to cut off the situation completely. Of course it's just a temporary solution and it has many consequences but if you're loading too much of others on you, your body has to issue an irrevokable state of mind. I think it's similar to other "negative" symptoms. So when i started to meditation (in order to create an interface to talk with the hidden drive in my subsconscious), i regarded them as little wicked monsters, but not anymore, now i regard them as the only company i have in my breakdown episode. Because when you're depressed, you don't believe in whatever your loved ones say anymore. there's only you and the battle.