5 ms·
I'm annoyed by people saying things without saying things. Passive voice destroys clarity. I edited it below. Apple does not state nor condone it. My revision
by gry 17y ago
I'm annoyed by people saying things without saying things. Passive voice destroys clarity.
I edited it below. Apple does not state nor condone it. My revision is, however, an example how active voice exposes intent.
Why don't we write with conviction? It's not a stretch.
It saddens me we leave weasel words for the occasion we may be held to a position we once had.
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As the App Store evolves, we refine our guidelines. Your application, Wobble iBoobs (Premium Uncensored), contains content we believed suitable for distribution. However, we received numerous complaints from our customers about this content type and changed our guidelines.
We decided to remove any overtly sexual content from the App Store, including your application.
Thank you for your understanding in this matter. If you believe you can make the necessary changes so Wobble iBoobs (Premium Uncensored) complies with our changes, we encourage you to do so and resubmit for review.
Sincerely,
iPhone App Review
-- original --
The App Store continues to evolve, and as such, we are constantly refining our guidelines. Your application, Wobble iBoobs (Premium Uncensored), contains content that we had originally believed to be suitable for distribution. However, we have recently received numerous complaints from our customers about this type of content, and have changed our guidelines appropriately.
We have decided to remove any overtly sexual content from the App Store, which includes your application.
Thank you for your understanding in this matter. If you believe you can make the necessary changes so that Wobble iBoobs (Premium Uncensored) complies with our recent changes, we encourage you to do so and resubmit for review.
Sincerely,
iPhone App Review
- MrRage 17y agoI would also add overuse of adverbs. Good to see you removed most of them in your rewrite.
- gry 17y agoAgreed. I left "overtly" with intent. There is something far more deliberate and newsworthy, IMHO.
- ryanwaggoner 17y agoSorry, but I don't think your version adds clarity. I think it obscures clarity in several areas. Perhaps I'm just used to reading corporate-speak :) I also didn't see any examples of weasel words in Apple's original version.
- jrockway 17y agoThe passive voice, like any literary tool, is just that -- a tool. Apple wanted to sound cold, lifeless, mechanical, uncaring, and exploitative, and the passive voice captures that perfectly without requiring Apple to say "we fucking hate our developers". Theoretically this saves them face, but unfortunately the developers they hate aren't that stupid. Are they?
- gjm11 17y agoPerhaps I'm being dim, but I can't see even a single instance in which your rewrite uses the active voice and the original uses the passive. Nor (though this is a more subjective matter) in which your rewrite "exposes intent" that was hidden in the original.