I've struggled with depression, and horrid bouts of anxiety. It was the anxiety that was relentless. I'd wake up, and boom, it would set in. The anxiety was

I've struggled with depression, and horrid bouts of anxiety. It was the anxiety that was relentless. I'd wake up, and boom, it would set in. The anxiety was so debilitating, and lasted for so many years; I think my current depression is because my quality of life deteriorated because I felt so terrible? Meaning--a doctor would call my depression situationally caused? Meaning--my life didn't turn out as planned? I really don't know, nor care to know at this point. Every word out of every professional never even seemed remotely helpful. I'll take that back, so of it was helpful. For example-- I used to worry I could hurt someone. I would see a piece of broken glass, and worry I would hurt someone. I forget what psychologists call it, but it's related to anxiety/OCD? You will not hurt anyone. Stop worrying about it. You are the last person who's going to hurt someone statistically. Another example--I would get down at around sunset. That's nothing more than a marker of time. You are depressed another day went by, in this finite world. Another example--I can't think of one. Over twenty years seeing a therapist, and two examples. Well, a full year of Freudian, and Behavorial therapy, and twenty years being held hostage by a MD for medications.(yes, they gave to make a living, but the prearranged appointments are bothersome, especially if you are on a low dose of an addictive drug, and no blood work is required? In my case, only the addictive drugs remotely worked.) All I know now is I get very depressed. I've been to enough doctors, and read enough to know if I'm seriously suicidal go to a big hospital, and ask for ECT therapy. I've never had the treatments, but I hear they work. It might be the only tool psychiatrists have that really works, and isn't addictive? I'm pretty dissalusioned with the mental health system. I found it costly, and well I won't go on; you need to try it out yourself if afflicted. My bigger question is why are Americans so misserable? I have my own suspicions, but tired of even repeating them. If America is so great, why are we looking to escape through drugs? Why do we have so much mental illness? Why do we have so many violent people? Why do we sell our souls to get to a comfortable level of living? I have seen Americans do despicable acts(all legal) in order to get ahead financially. I just don't get it? And please, no ra-ra cowboy simplistic answers. Believe me, all that over confidence/testosterone goes out the window when you are sidelined by a mental illness. I was always the strongest, and usually the most intellectually capable person in any room. I had a breakdown, and I as a quevering child. All that confidence/ability went away. I've never been quite the same. I've never gotten a reason why this happened to me. why--they don't know! I'm not coming back to see what people posted. I know what's wrong with America. We gave a lousy safety net. We are all expected to be the best. It's way to hard to "make it" in America for poor, and middle class kids. We are way to critical of ourselves, and others. Good luck everyone!