8 ms·

"I will apologize" and "please accept our apologies" are ways to distance the speaker from the actual act of apologizing, but are not the act itself. They lesse

by scott_s 11y ago

"I will apologize" and "please accept our apologies" are ways to distance the speaker from the actual act of apologizing, but are not the act itself. They lessen the pain of actually saying "I'm sorry". I think we only started to accept them as such when the phrasings became so pervasive because of business-speak. It's similar to the difference between "mistakes were made" and "I made a mistake".

thaumasiotes 11y ago
> "I will apologize" and "please accept our apologies" are ways to distance the speaker from the actual act of apologizing, but are not the act itself. They lessen the pain of actually saying "I'm sorry". This is not correct. They are the same speech act, at a higher level of formality.
- cjbprime 11y ago
  I think scott_s is right here. Also: being more interested in being correct than in actually maximally conveying regret and penitance is not a good look. You're hearing -- now from more than one person -- that looking someone in the eye and saying "I'm sorry." has a psychological effect that is stronger than the mere semantic meaning of the phrase.
  - thaumasiotes 11y ago
    scott_s's heavy downvoting strongly implies that a substantial majority find him to be mistaken. That means it doesn't make sense to act on your suggestion ('looking someone in the eye and saying "I'm sorry." has a psychological effect that is stronger than the mere semantic meaning of the phrase [as compared to more formal ways of apologizing]'), because you are more likely to misstep by sticking to the casual form than by using the formal one. You can easily offend people by treating them more casually than they feel is warranted. A nonnative speaker who has been taught that English apologies come in the form "I'm sorry" is perfectly justified (though mistaken) in insisting on that form; scott_s just has a chip on his shoulder.
- DonHopkins 11y ago
  "I'm sorry" is me telling you what I am. "Please accept my apologies" is me telling you what to do: take what I'm giving you. I can easily give you my apologies without being remotely sorry. Sorrow is a feeling, but apology is a statement. But it's still up to you to decide if you want to take the apologies I want to give to you, or disregard my polite command that you should.

by scott_s 11y ago

thaumasiotes 11y ago

> "I will apologize" and "please accept our apologies" are ways to distance the speaker from the actual act of apologizing, but are not the act itself. They lessen the pain of actually saying "I'm sorry". This is not correct. They are the same speech act, at a higher level of formality.

cjbprime 11y ago
I think scott_s is right here. Also: being more interested in being correct than in actually maximally conveying regret and penitance is not a good look. You're hearing -- now from more than one person -- that looking someone in the eye and saying "I'm sorry." has a psychological effect that is stronger than the mere semantic meaning of the phrase.
- thaumasiotes 11y ago
  scott_s's heavy downvoting strongly implies that a substantial majority find him to be mistaken. That means it doesn't make sense to act on your suggestion ('looking someone in the eye and saying "I'm sorry." has a psychological effect that is stronger than the mere semantic meaning of the phrase [as compared to more formal ways of apologizing]'), because you are more likely to misstep by sticking to the casual form than by using the formal one. You can easily offend people by treating them more casually than they feel is warranted. A nonnative speaker who has been taught that English apologies come in the form "I'm sorry" is perfectly justified (though mistaken) in insisting on that form; scott_s just has a chip on his shoulder.
DonHopkins 11y ago
"I'm sorry" is me telling you what I am. "Please accept my apologies" is me telling you what to do: take what I'm giving you. I can easily give you my apologies without being remotely sorry. Sorrow is a feeling, but apology is a statement. But it's still up to you to decide if you want to take the apologies I want to give to you, or disregard my polite command that you should.