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You'll see a few tips and tricks that are useful. Like when a person crosses their arms, they generally disagree with what you are saying, etc. The most import
by maratd 11y ago
You'll see a few tips and tricks that are useful. Like when a person crosses their arms, they generally disagree with what you are saying, etc.
The most important thing is to pay less attention to the content and more attention to the tone, stance, demeanor, circumstances, likely self-interest in the situation, notice the little things everywhere and that will give you a clearer picture of what you're dealing with. Do this often enough, over and over again, and it'll become second habit.
Content is rarely useful unless you're engaging in a very data heavy conversation, like for example you would when describing requirements for a project at work. During regular conversation, everything is generally geared toward communicating emotional state, so focusing too much on content dulls your senses and you don't pick up what you need to pick up.
- SpaceCadetJones 11y agoI want to add to this that you want to be careful about deriving meaning from one's physical actions alone. I may have just crossed my arms, but if you'll look closely you'll notice I wasn't looking at you when I did so. It's not that you said something that I'm closing myself off from, it's that it sent my mind on a tangent that made me feel insecure. There's a number of reasons to cross one's arms other than shunning away from people around you.
- maratd 11y agoLet me add a bit more then. It doesn't matter why you're closing yourself off. You start wondering about the why, you'll set out on the path of trying to figure out what people are thinking ... and let me skip to to the end, that path is a dead end. People feel and think things that are based on their experience, but you have no idea what the totality of that experience is. You mention you like jazz. The other person crosses their arms because they stubbed their toe in the morning and jazz was playing in the background, now they remember their toe hurts and they're feeling shitty. How can you possibly foresee that? That sort of random stuff comes up in conversation all the time. The proper response isn't to try to mind read or to convince them that jazz is wonderful. It's to talk about something else.
- over 11y agoSometimes people cross their arms because it's a comfortable resting position. It's common in overweight men, the arms rest on the belly quite naturally. Often people will lean back against the chair or wall at the same time.
- deleted 11y ago[deleted]
- tamana 11y ago>Like when a person crosses their arms, they generally disagree with what you are saying, etc. That is pseudoscientific BS
- JohnBooty 11y agoWhether it's BS or not, crossing your arms (particularly while standing) conveys disagreement or frustration, even if that's not what you're actually feeling. So it's highly worthwhile to, at least, be cognizant of your own body language and what you may be subconsciously telling others. It is an enormously powerful skill.
- voodootrucker 11y agoPaying attention mostly to content is the single most selected-for attribute of autistic people, IMO. It might literally be why they exist, and why they are prevalent in the bay, and why they earn so much.