4 ms·

I'm "spectrum" enough to have an opposite reaction to various drugs - Ritalin being the important one, here - and my experience is... similar, in some ways. I

I'm "spectrum" enough to have an opposite reaction to various drugs - Ritalin being the important one, here - and my experience is... similar, in some ways. I probably didn't notice other people's emotions a lot when I was younger, to the effect that now that I'm older, and do notice them, I frequently don't have any idea what to do with that understanding.

hosh 11y ago
From a meditator's perspective, there isn't anything to do other than to witness the underlying suffering, and giving space to the other person to be.
- RangerScience 11y ago
  I have learned parts of that! But this is way broader than dealing with negative emotions - actually, it's other people's attraction that causes this state the strongest.
  - hosh 11y ago
    I know. :-) You should check out the practice in Tsultrim Allione's book, "Demon Feeding: Ancient Wisdom for Resolving Inner Conflict" some time.
- ctrlalt_g 11y ago
  Do you have any reading recommendations for your practice?
  - hosh 11y ago
    Yep. Start with Vipassana. That by itself won't teach the psychology, but it does allow you to clearly experience and see the experiences arising and passing. (But I don't know if people on the autism spectrum needs it, or it would be helpful). Once you can clearly see it, hear it, smell it, feel it, there are a lot of surprising things you can find out just by observing it. Another practice I did for a while to really start examining intense, often unpleasant emotions within myself and others is this: http://www.amazon.com/Feeding-Your-Demons-Resolving-Conflict/dp/0316013137 http://www.amazon.com/Feeding-Your-Demons-Resolving-Conflict... At the end of the day, someone's suffering is their own. By "suffering" I am really talking about dukkha, the Sanskrit word better translated as existential anguish. This is something every person has. It is only when one can clearly see it that they can allow space for someone to work through it. By "witnessing", I am talking about something like practicing vipassana while in the presence of someone suffering. And believe me, that is not as easy as it sounds, neither for the practitioner, or for the person in deep suffering.
- drzaiusapelord 11y ago
  That's overly simplistic and frankly trite. The reality is that in the workplace, in society, etc the emotions of others matter a great deal to your personal wellbeing, that is if you don't want to be broke or in jail. Navigating the emotional world is very important and should be taught, not dismissed. As someone who only picked up these skills later in life, its incredible how much life makes sense now. People's emotional responses more or less rule the world. Logic and rationality take a backseat to all of that and being able to gauge other people's emotions and knowing how to respond to them is the difference between failure and success in so many parts of life. Especially if you aspire to any kind of leadership or founder role.
  - draw_down 11y ago
    I'm with you. I've encountered the thinking in GP and thought that way for a while, and ultimately reached the same conclusion as you. It's too easy to use it as a way of dismissing the pain and complexity of the world.
    - hosh 11y ago
      What makes you think I was dismissing it? What I was describing is the opposite of dismissing it, and if anything, much healthier. You do realize I was talking about Vipassana and directly experiencing the suffering of others, right?
  - hosh 11y ago
    What makes you think I was dismissing it? The method I described is actually quite deep even if on the surface it appears to be simple. It starts with this: http://www.imsb.org/teachings/vipassana-practice/ http://www.imsb.org/teachings/vipassana-practice/ and might wend it's way through something like: http://www.amazon.com/Feeding-Your-Demons-Resolving-Conflict/dp/0316013137 http://www.amazon.com/Feeding-Your-Demons-Resolving-Conflict...
notmyusualnic 11y ago
Yeah. Both your comment and this article ring a lot of bells for me. I'm also surely somewhere on the spectrum. Some years back I started anti-anxiety medication, and I have gradually grown in my emotional perception, both internal and external. The last couple of years its has been especially intense after the sudden death of a parent: I had all the feels, and that greatly deepened my empathy for others. As with Robison, the NYT author, it changed everything for me. My old life just doesn't fit, and I have been slowly remaking it. Mostly what I do with all this is just accept it. My feelings are not their problem. Their feelings are not my problem. If I choose otherwise, that's my choice, and so are the consequences. Mostly, I try to take feelings like I take the weather. That doesn't come easily, though. I feel like I'm learning things that most people learn at 15. Right now I'm working my way through a workbook on DBT, which teaches people emotional regulation skills. It seems crazy to have to sit down and learn things that come so naturally for other people. But then, I'm not other people, so I try to keep pressing ahead.

hosh 11y ago

From a meditator's perspective, there isn't anything to do other than to witness the underlying suffering, and giving space to the other person to be.

RangerScience 11y ago
I have learned parts of that! But this is way broader than dealing with negative emotions - actually, it's other people's attraction that causes this state the strongest.
- hosh 11y ago
  I know. :-) You should check out the practice in Tsultrim Allione's book, "Demon Feeding: Ancient Wisdom for Resolving Inner Conflict" some time.
ctrlalt_g 11y ago
Do you have any reading recommendations for your practice?
- hosh 11y ago
  Yep. Start with Vipassana. That by itself won't teach the psychology, but it does allow you to clearly experience and see the experiences arising and passing. (But I don't know if people on the autism spectrum needs it, or it would be helpful). Once you can clearly see it, hear it, smell it, feel it, there are a lot of surprising things you can find out just by observing it. Another practice I did for a while to really start examining intense, often unpleasant emotions within myself and others is this: http://www.amazon.com/Feeding-Your-Demons-Resolving-Conflict/dp/0316013137 http://www.amazon.com/Feeding-Your-Demons-Resolving-Conflict... At the end of the day, someone's suffering is their own. By "suffering" I am really talking about dukkha, the Sanskrit word better translated as existential anguish. This is something every person has. It is only when one can clearly see it that they can allow space for someone to work through it. By "witnessing", I am talking about something like practicing vipassana while in the presence of someone suffering. And believe me, that is not as easy as it sounds, neither for the practitioner, or for the person in deep suffering.
drzaiusapelord 11y ago
That's overly simplistic and frankly trite. The reality is that in the workplace, in society, etc the emotions of others matter a great deal to your personal wellbeing, that is if you don't want to be broke or in jail. Navigating the emotional world is very important and should be taught, not dismissed. As someone who only picked up these skills later in life, its incredible how much life makes sense now. People's emotional responses more or less rule the world. Logic and rationality take a backseat to all of that and being able to gauge other people's emotions and knowing how to respond to them is the difference between failure and success in so many parts of life. Especially if you aspire to any kind of leadership or founder role.
- draw_down 11y ago
  I'm with you. I've encountered the thinking in GP and thought that way for a while, and ultimately reached the same conclusion as you. It's too easy to use it as a way of dismissing the pain and complexity of the world.
  - hosh 11y ago
    What makes you think I was dismissing it? What I was describing is the opposite of dismissing it, and if anything, much healthier. You do realize I was talking about Vipassana and directly experiencing the suffering of others, right?
- hosh 11y ago
  What makes you think I was dismissing it? The method I described is actually quite deep even if on the surface it appears to be simple. It starts with this: http://www.imsb.org/teachings/vipassana-practice/ http://www.imsb.org/teachings/vipassana-practice/ and might wend it's way through something like: http://www.amazon.com/Feeding-Your-Demons-Resolving-Conflict/dp/0316013137 http://www.amazon.com/Feeding-Your-Demons-Resolving-Conflict...

notmyusualnic 11y ago

Yeah. Both your comment and this article ring a lot of bells for me. I'm also surely somewhere on the spectrum. Some years back I started anti-anxiety medication, and I have gradually grown in my emotional perception, both internal and external. The last couple of years its has been especially intense after the sudden death of a parent: I had all the feels, and that greatly deepened my empathy for others. As with Robison, the NYT author, it changed everything for me. My old life just doesn't fit, and I have been slowly remaking it. Mostly what I do with all this is just accept it. My feelings are not their problem. Their feelings are not my problem. If I choose otherwise, that's my choice, and so are the consequences. Mostly, I try to take feelings like I take the weather. That doesn't come easily, though. I feel like I'm learning things that most people learn at 15. Right now I'm working my way through a workbook on DBT, which teaches people emotional regulation skills. It seems crazy to have to sit down and learn things that come so naturally for other people. But then, I'm not other people, so I try to keep pressing ahead.