i can relate to what you're saying. perhaps you have been listening to a certain set of messages, too loudly, for too long (the media is good at doing that to

i can relate to what you're saying. perhaps you have been listening to a certain set of messages, too loudly, for too long (the media is good at doing that to us.). you'll have to address this fact if you want to stop caring about external success. be honest with yourself: do you really want a phd bad enough to sacrifice 5 years and put in a lot of hard work? and sacrifice all the other things you won't do in those 5 years? maybe you do, maybe you don't, but it has to be something internal that drives you ultimately. replace all the inputs going into your brain with some good reads and a journal to take notes in. A couple good reads: - Seneca. he talks about not worrying about what fortune can give and take away, and to focus on things like virtues instead. http://stoics.com/seneca_essays_book_1.html http://stoics.com/seneca_essays_book_1.html - James Allen's "From Passion to Peace" -- he explores the conflict between passion vs aspiration http://james-allen.in1woord.nl/?text=from-passion-to-peace http://james-allen.in1woord.nl/?text=from-passion-to-peace And serious fiction is always great too: Hemingway, Raymond Carver. Hemingway: "There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self."