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How Our Social Lives Can Be as Great as They Were in College

10 points by baron816 11y ago

ASpring 11y ago
It's a decent idea but this is not the way to solve it. Think about how many people you met during your college experience? It was easily hundreds. Out of that you came away with many friends but likely only a few really great friends. I don't think simply introducing 6 random people will even result in 1 successful friendship on average. I've spent a lot of time thinking about this and recently won a chunk of money at a hackathon with an idea in this space. Ping me if you want to talk more.
- baron816 11y ago
  I made all of my friend from the groups of people I had to spend the most time with. I didn't become close with all those other people in college because I didn't have a lot of access to them. When you were a child, all your friends with were just random kids from your school district, right? They stopped being random because you spent enough time with them to get to know them, and the only good way you can really do that is if they live close enough to you to see them often. I'd definitely love to hear about your approach and any other feedback. How can I contact you?
  - aidenn0 11y ago
    > I made all of my friend from the groups of people I had to spend the most time with As did I, but perhaps those people were in the same major or the same club as you rather than just 20 random people? Furthermore, the club I was most active in had about 20 people, but I really only spent time outside of club activities with 3 or 4 of them, so to replicate this you need 20+ people that share a common interest, that are forced to be together as a prerequisite for engaging in that interest. I'm not sure Krewe provides that.
    - baron816 11y ago
      People always ask me about interests, and I always say that I don't think they're as important as you might imagine. If everyone lives in the same neighborhood, then they already have something in common. People's differences can be just as likely to bring people together as their similarities. The best conversation topics are going to be about what's going on in your life, or about a funny experience you once had. Plus, you can influence each other over time and come up with new shared interests. I can go into this a lot more, but it'll likely need to take up another blog post. Krewe will let you meet 20+ people over time. It starts at 6 because that's a comfortable size (you can go into it knowing everyone's names, sit at a booth in a bar, and have a group conversation). Most mature adults can easily get along with anyone. Eventually you'll find the people you really connect with.
      - aidenn0 11y ago
        Perhaps what I said wasn't clear. If you want to major in Physics, you'll encounter a lot of physics majors from the same year as you over and over again, regardless of your desire to do so. If you join the chess club, you'll encounter a lot of chess club members over and over again. In both cases you are being forced to spend time with these people, regardless of your desire to. Some of those people will rub you the wrong way, others you will start to hang out with outside of the initial context you met them in.
yolesaber 11y ago
Honestly, I had some amazing times at my school (upstate hippy dippy liberal arts college where I majored in computer science, creative writing, and recreational cannabis inhalation) but I much prefer socializing and meeting new people in the city the author and I live in. There's just such a huge variance of people, interests, and scenes that it's very easy to make new friends (in my experience, YMMV). Making close friends is a lot harder. But I feel making the whole process through an app and "scheduled" really takes away from the organic means one builds lasting friendships with. "That would make living in New York more like living in a small college town, where I could walk down to a local bar on a whim and expect to bump into a handful of close friends. " You can do this if you start chatting up people at the bar? Or frequent an establishment where people you enjoy being around go (gallery, hacker space, whatever) I think you have the seed of an interesting idea, but my gut reaction to a lot of the friendship / dating apps is that they are solving problems a person can solve on their own if they are willing to do so.
- baron816 11y ago
  The problem with trying to make friends "on your own" is that it's really uncomfortable. For many, chatting up someone at the bar is uncomfortable to begin with, but then asking them to hang out on a "friend date" later on is so much worse. The great thing about Krewe is that you have a group dynamic, which is much more comfortable since you're not forced to maintain a long conversation and there are no confused intentions. A person with the right personality will always be able to make lots of friends, but for the rest of us, it's much more difficult and frankly, might not even happen. 20% of Americans say they're lonely and the number of close friendships we have has been falling for years.
  - toomuchtodo 11y ago
    > The problem with trying to make friends "on your own" is that it's really uncomfortable. Social interactions and relationships take effort, as well as nurturing. If you're uncomfortable making the attempt, like any skill, you will get better the more you try at it. An app or website is not going to make socializing any easier. If anything, it will handicap you further.
smacktoward 11y ago
But it's natural for the types of relationships you form to change as you get older, because you're changing. You're taking on responsibilities and discovering yourself and doing all the other things that passing through life entails. And as you do that, you grow and deepen and find new priorities that suddenly move you the way the old ones don't anymore. That's the human experience; it's not a bug, anymore than it's a bug for a caterpillar to become a butterfly. It's a feature. Someday you're going to be 30, then 40, then 50, and so on, and the farther you get from your college years the more narrow and limited they are going to seem. Eventually you will look back more in wonder than in comprehension at the you you were then, the same way college-aged you felt looking at a toddler; the way I imagine the butterfly looks at the caterpillar. Besides, the butterfly couldn't fit back into its chrysalis even if it wanted to. It's changed too much to fit into those old clothes anymore. I feel like so many startups boil down to attempts to arrest that natural development; to freeze life in amber, just the way it was when the people behind them first came of age. But while I know from my own experiences what it's like to make that transition and worry what the future is going to bring, there's not much to be gained from trying to build a barricade to prevent it from arriving. The future is going to arrive whether you want it to or not. The way to handle that is to throw your arms around it, embrace it, and become the you that you were always meant to be, rather than trying to hang on to a you that already slipped out of your grasp before you even noticed.
- baron816 11y ago
  That's a wonderfully eloquent comment, but I don't think you really understand what I'm trying to accomplish. Krewe isn't about keeping the college years going. It's about becoming part of your local community and building valuable relationships. It's natural, and critically important for people to have those things as that's the way society evolved. Early man spent his entire life in a small tribe and knew everyone around him. But these days, people often don't know anyone who lives in their neighborhood, and we become socially isolated as a result. Krewe isn't about meeting a bunch of people. It's about meeting them and then having the opportunity to get to know them. If you only become close with one person, that's great. If you become part of a strong, interconnected network that you can use to have great real-world experiences, grow your career, and find romantic partners, that's even better.
deleted 11y ago
[deleted]

10 points by baron816 11y ago

It's a decent idea but this is not the way to solve it. Think about how many people you met during your college experience? It was easily hundreds. Out of that you came away with many friends but likely only a few really great friends. I don't think simply introducing 6 random people will even result in 1 successful friendship on average. I've spent a lot of time thinking about this and recently won a chunk of money at a hackathon with an idea in this space. Ping me if you want to talk more.

baron816 11y ago
I made all of my friend from the groups of people I had to spend the most time with. I didn't become close with all those other people in college because I didn't have a lot of access to them. When you were a child, all your friends with were just random kids from your school district, right? They stopped being random because you spent enough time with them to get to know them, and the only good way you can really do that is if they live close enough to you to see them often. I'd definitely love to hear about your approach and any other feedback. How can I contact you?
- aidenn0 11y ago
  > I made all of my friend from the groups of people I had to spend the most time with As did I, but perhaps those people were in the same major or the same club as you rather than just 20 random people? Furthermore, the club I was most active in had about 20 people, but I really only spent time outside of club activities with 3 or 4 of them, so to replicate this you need 20+ people that share a common interest, that are forced to be together as a prerequisite for engaging in that interest. I'm not sure Krewe provides that.
  - baron816 11y ago
    People always ask me about interests, and I always say that I don't think they're as important as you might imagine. If everyone lives in the same neighborhood, then they already have something in common. People's differences can be just as likely to bring people together as their similarities. The best conversation topics are going to be about what's going on in your life, or about a funny experience you once had. Plus, you can influence each other over time and come up with new shared interests. I can go into this a lot more, but it'll likely need to take up another blog post. Krewe will let you meet 20+ people over time. It starts at 6 because that's a comfortable size (you can go into it knowing everyone's names, sit at a booth in a bar, and have a group conversation). Most mature adults can easily get along with anyone. Eventually you'll find the people you really connect with.
    - aidenn0 11y ago
      Perhaps what I said wasn't clear. If you want to major in Physics, you'll encounter a lot of physics majors from the same year as you over and over again, regardless of your desire to do so. If you join the chess club, you'll encounter a lot of chess club members over and over again. In both cases you are being forced to spend time with these people, regardless of your desire to. Some of those people will rub you the wrong way, others you will start to hang out with outside of the initial context you met them in.

yolesaber 11y ago

Honestly, I had some amazing times at my school (upstate hippy dippy liberal arts college where I majored in computer science, creative writing, and recreational cannabis inhalation) but I much prefer socializing and meeting new people in the city the author and I live in. There's just such a huge variance of people, interests, and scenes that it's very easy to make new friends (in my experience, YMMV). Making close friends is a lot harder. But I feel making the whole process through an app and "scheduled" really takes away from the organic means one builds lasting friendships with. "That would make living in New York more like living in a small college town, where I could walk down to a local bar on a whim and expect to bump into a handful of close friends. " You can do this if you start chatting up people at the bar? Or frequent an establishment where people you enjoy being around go (gallery, hacker space, whatever) I think you have the seed of an interesting idea, but my gut reaction to a lot of the friendship / dating apps is that they are solving problems a person can solve on their own if they are willing to do so.

baron816 11y ago
The problem with trying to make friends "on your own" is that it's really uncomfortable. For many, chatting up someone at the bar is uncomfortable to begin with, but then asking them to hang out on a "friend date" later on is so much worse. The great thing about Krewe is that you have a group dynamic, which is much more comfortable since you're not forced to maintain a long conversation and there are no confused intentions. A person with the right personality will always be able to make lots of friends, but for the rest of us, it's much more difficult and frankly, might not even happen. 20% of Americans say they're lonely and the number of close friendships we have has been falling for years.
- toomuchtodo 11y ago
  > The problem with trying to make friends "on your own" is that it's really uncomfortable. Social interactions and relationships take effort, as well as nurturing. If you're uncomfortable making the attempt, like any skill, you will get better the more you try at it. An app or website is not going to make socializing any easier. If anything, it will handicap you further.

smacktoward 11y ago

But it's natural for the types of relationships you form to change as you get older, because you're changing. You're taking on responsibilities and discovering yourself and doing all the other things that passing through life entails. And as you do that, you grow and deepen and find new priorities that suddenly move you the way the old ones don't anymore. That's the human experience; it's not a bug, anymore than it's a bug for a caterpillar to become a butterfly. It's a feature. Someday you're going to be 30, then 40, then 50, and so on, and the farther you get from your college years the more narrow and limited they are going to seem. Eventually you will look back more in wonder than in comprehension at the you you were then, the same way college-aged you felt looking at a toddler; the way I imagine the butterfly looks at the caterpillar. Besides, the butterfly couldn't fit back into its chrysalis even if it wanted to. It's changed too much to fit into those old clothes anymore. I feel like so many startups boil down to attempts to arrest that natural development; to freeze life in amber, just the way it was when the people behind them first came of age. But while I know from my own experiences what it's like to make that transition and worry what the future is going to bring, there's not much to be gained from trying to build a barricade to prevent it from arriving. The future is going to arrive whether you want it to or not. The way to handle that is to throw your arms around it, embrace it, and become the you that you were always meant to be, rather than trying to hang on to a you that already slipped out of your grasp before you even noticed.

baron816 11y ago
That's a wonderfully eloquent comment, but I don't think you really understand what I'm trying to accomplish. Krewe isn't about keeping the college years going. It's about becoming part of your local community and building valuable relationships. It's natural, and critically important for people to have those things as that's the way society evolved. Early man spent his entire life in a small tribe and knew everyone around him. But these days, people often don't know anyone who lives in their neighborhood, and we become socially isolated as a result. Krewe isn't about meeting a bunch of people. It's about meeting them and then having the opportunity to get to know them. If you only become close with one person, that's great. If you become part of a strong, interconnected network that you can use to have great real-world experiences, grow your career, and find romantic partners, that's even better.

deleted 11y ago

[deleted]