But that is actually one of the worst truths I've ever learned. I know several people who have this problem to various degrees. And yes, they don't really seem

But that is actually one of the worst truths I've ever learned. I know several people who have this problem to various degrees. And yes, they don't really seem in control, at least not all of the time. Even if they are consciously aware of what they're doing and taking control of it, it takes years for that control to become a 99% thing. I even think it's true that I wouldn't know these people if they didn't try to fix themselves, because otherwise a job would be out of the question, and without a job, they'd never be near me. I wonder how many there are that are just sitting by themselves, sinking deeper into problems and never even try to save themselves. I imagine it's a lot. But there it is : people who get/got abused do not want the abuse to end, they want to become the abuser. This means that a significant fraction of them is dangerous. Lots of people who try to help are destroyed by this effect.