I'll just point out that your "giant wishlist" is 240 bytes. One web font, even just for one face in one style, can be 20–100 thousand bytes, plus a DNS lookup

I'll just point out that your "giant wishlist" is 240 bytes. One web font, even just for one face in one style, can be 20–100 thousand bytes, plus a DNS lookup and at least one additional roundtrip, both of which will block page rendering because at some point we decided it's better to stare at a white page than see a blip of the wrong font.