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I'm not shocked. Its callous but I'm open with my friends that when they move, we're not really going to be friends any more. I don't see you any more, we don't

by a2tech 11y ago

I'm not shocked. Its callous but I'm open with my friends that when they move, we're not really going to be friends any more. I don't see you any more, we don't chat all the time because you're in a different time zone, you have a lot of things to do. Why pretend that we're still friends? Its just a lot of hassle for everyone.

p4wnc6 11y ago
I think this has more to do with the way you consume friendship than with the idea in general. For me personally, even if I live in the same town as my best friend, I will barely see him. Most communication that deeply matters to me happens through text messages or email, not through in-person interaction. I also tend to have a very small number of people that I consider friends, but I am fiercely loyal and protective of that small set of people. I don't want a large network of friends because my experience in life is that very few people are able or willing to help me and very few people share the perspectives that I have. For the few that make good friends, geographical distance is one of the last things I would expect to affect the friendship.
artmageddon 11y ago
> Why pretend that we're still friends? Its just a lot of hassle for everyone. I've always felt that friendships shouldn't be based on physical proximity, and in my opinion it's not really fair or prudent to other people(or yourself, for that matter) to boil a relationship down to a binary yes/no. Personal example: I live in NJ, and a college friend of mine moved to FL shortly after we both graduated together in 2004. His(and his wife's) kid just turned one year old, and while we don't talk every day, we still keep in good contact throughout the week despite both of our crazy busy schedules. Contrast that to another someone else I've known since 8th grade: we went to middle/high school and part of college together, and continued to be great friends for a number of years post-university. However, we barely talk or hang out anymore, maybe once every few months, and it's pretty clear that we've drifted apart, despite living only maybe 10-20 minutes away from each other. I admit that I don't really put much effort into my friendship with him, as I'm sure he feels the same as well, but I wouldn't say either of us are bitter about it. I guess what I'm trying to say is just because someone isn't right there in driving distance doesn't mean they aren't there for you.
mcherm 11y ago
I suppose I can understand your attitude, but it would never work for me. I have very few friends. I cannot afford to lose a single one due to distance. I am not very good at keeping in touch with friends who live far away, but I certainly try to, and I seem to be able to keep about 2/3 of those relationships at least for a few decades (more study would be needed to extend this estimate <wink>).

by a2tech 11y ago

p4wnc6 11y ago

I think this has more to do with the way you consume friendship than with the idea in general. For me personally, even if I live in the same town as my best friend, I will barely see him. Most communication that deeply matters to me happens through text messages or email, not through in-person interaction. I also tend to have a very small number of people that I consider friends, but I am fiercely loyal and protective of that small set of people. I don't want a large network of friends because my experience in life is that very few people are able or willing to help me and very few people share the perspectives that I have. For the few that make good friends, geographical distance is one of the last things I would expect to affect the friendship.

artmageddon 11y ago

> Why pretend that we're still friends? Its just a lot of hassle for everyone. I've always felt that friendships shouldn't be based on physical proximity, and in my opinion it's not really fair or prudent to other people(or yourself, for that matter) to boil a relationship down to a binary yes/no. Personal example: I live in NJ, and a college friend of mine moved to FL shortly after we both graduated together in 2004. His(and his wife's) kid just turned one year old, and while we don't talk every day, we still keep in good contact throughout the week despite both of our crazy busy schedules. Contrast that to another someone else I've known since 8th grade: we went to middle/high school and part of college together, and continued to be great friends for a number of years post-university. However, we barely talk or hang out anymore, maybe once every few months, and it's pretty clear that we've drifted apart, despite living only maybe 10-20 minutes away from each other. I admit that I don't really put much effort into my friendship with him, as I'm sure he feels the same as well, but I wouldn't say either of us are bitter about it. I guess what I'm trying to say is just because someone isn't right there in driving distance doesn't mean they aren't there for you.

mcherm 11y ago

I suppose I can understand your attitude, but it would never work for me. I have very few friends. I cannot afford to lose a single one due to distance. I am not very good at keeping in touch with friends who live far away, but I certainly try to, and I seem to be able to keep about 2/3 of those relationships at least for a few decades (more study would be needed to extend this estimate <wink>).