I suffer from deep bouts of depression. Lately I've had to go back and forth with myself about going to the hospital when things get bad, but now I'm just scare

I suffer from deep bouts of depression. Lately I've had to go back and forth with myself about going to the hospital when things get bad, but now I'm just scared even more. I was afraid that not going to the ER would kill me, but now... it's like fuck, who will help you? When you have a mental health emergency, the police will shoot you, fellow citizens will ignore you, the hospital may or may not treat you, and now they might even kill you. With mental health, it's so important for the patient to feel safe, and if a hospital isn't safe then, well, I dunno. Humans are always making other humans suffer needlessly, it's awful.