4 ms·

I'm curious about this as well, I don't understand the "dating isn't that structured" part of his/her post at all.

by tomp 11y ago

chrisseaton 11y ago
I think in the UK a lot of relationships have no 'dating' phase at all, people just start spending more time with each other and then one day they're implicitly boyfriend-girlfriend with nothing actually said. The idea of asking someone to go on something that was expressly a date or to be exclusive would have seemed very stilted and formal to me when I was single. I'm married and I think I only ever went on two 'dates' with my wife when we started seeing each other. Everything else was far less formal.
- SalimoS 11y ago
  it's the same in Tunisia, there is no "let's go in a date" until they become couple :D
- ck425 11y ago
  This. I went to Uni with a lot of Americans and grew to quite like the whole 'date' idea, it's a lot more common now to ask people out on dates than it used to be.
  - chrisseaton 11y ago
    To me a date seems like a formal interview for the position of romantic partner. Which isn't very sexy or natural. If two people like each other why do you need to set up a formal thing to check that? Just start spending time together like friends.
    - hodwik 11y ago
      Dates are a way to spend time with someone that you otherwise wouldn't have the opportunity -- because you don't know each-other, have no friends in common, just met, etc. People are much more spread out in the US than in Europe, so if you don't intentionally make time to spend with someone you will never see them. (This doesn't really apply to the cities, but people don't really go on dates in the cities in the US.)
      - guidolabense 11y ago
        > you don't know each-other, have no friends in common, just met Why on earth would you be considering a relationship with someone you don't know, have no friends in common, or just met?
        hodwik 11y ago
        You're confusing Dating with Dates (at least in US terminology). Dating is once someone has become a romantic partner, passing the phase of going on Dates. If you're going on Dates with someone, you're not Dating. If you're Dating someone, you're not going on Dates. They're mutually exclusive.
        guidolabense 11y ago
        Nah I think that's the crux of the issue. You're saying you go on dates, like taking someone out for dinner, in order to work out if you want a relationship with them I'm saying in the EU that it seems weird to us and overly personal to be going out for dinner alone with someone, when you don't have an existing romantic relationship with them. You'd normally get to that stage first, and then start going on dates. So you can see how multiple dating (if that's a real thing in the US or just telly), seems fucked up.
        awareBrah 11y ago
        How do I get to that stage if I don't know them yet? And if my existing pool of contacts from the opposite sex is lacking, where do I source these people from? I've been using Tinder for a few years now and for the most part have had great experiences. My first date is always dinner and drinks, and this is the norm amongst my friends as well (American here) What would you do in my case?
        guidolabense 11y ago
        > How do I get to that stage if I don't know them yet? I really don't get what you're asking. If you don't know them yet, why are you trying to move towards having a relationship with them at all? Are you just trying to form a relationship with people entirely at random? That's what's weird about dating culture. There was a woman who wrote an article about US dating culture vs UK dating culture when she moved to the US to go to college, and she said she found it offensive being asked to go on a date by people she didn't know well, as either they were just asking anyone at random and didn't actually care about her, or they were purely asking her out because of her looks, as that's all they had to go on, and that was offensive as well.
  - deleted 11y ago
    [deleted]

I'm curious about this as well, I don't understand the "dating isn't that structured" part of his/her post at all.

by tomp 11y ago

I'm curious about this as well, I don't understand the "dating isn't that structured" part of his/her post at all.

I think in the UK a lot of relationships have no 'dating' phase at all, people just start spending more time with each other and then one day they're implicitly boyfriend-girlfriend with nothing actually said. The idea of asking someone to go on something that was expressly a date or to be exclusive would have seemed very stilted and formal to me when I was single. I'm married and I think I only ever went on two 'dates' with my wife when we started seeing each other. Everything else was far less formal.

SalimoS 11y ago
it's the same in Tunisia, there is no "let's go in a date" until they become couple :D
ck425 11y ago
This. I went to Uni with a lot of Americans and grew to quite like the whole 'date' idea, it's a lot more common now to ask people out on dates than it used to be.
- chrisseaton 11y ago
  To me a date seems like a formal interview for the position of romantic partner. Which isn't very sexy or natural. If two people like each other why do you need to set up a formal thing to check that? Just start spending time together like friends.
  - hodwik 11y ago
    Dates are a way to spend time with someone that you otherwise wouldn't have the opportunity -- because you don't know each-other, have no friends in common, just met, etc. People are much more spread out in the US than in Europe, so if you don't intentionally make time to spend with someone you will never see them. (This doesn't really apply to the cities, but people don't really go on dates in the cities in the US.)
    - guidolabense 11y ago
      > you don't know each-other, have no friends in common, just met Why on earth would you be considering a relationship with someone you don't know, have no friends in common, or just met?
      - hodwik 11y ago
        You're confusing Dating with Dates (at least in US terminology). Dating is once someone has become a romantic partner, passing the phase of going on Dates. If you're going on Dates with someone, you're not Dating. If you're Dating someone, you're not going on Dates. They're mutually exclusive.
        guidolabense 11y ago
        Nah I think that's the crux of the issue. You're saying you go on dates, like taking someone out for dinner, in order to work out if you want a relationship with them I'm saying in the EU that it seems weird to us and overly personal to be going out for dinner alone with someone, when you don't have an existing romantic relationship with them. You'd normally get to that stage first, and then start going on dates. So you can see how multiple dating (if that's a real thing in the US or just telly), seems fucked up.
        awareBrah 11y ago
        How do I get to that stage if I don't know them yet? And if my existing pool of contacts from the opposite sex is lacking, where do I source these people from? I've been using Tinder for a few years now and for the most part have had great experiences. My first date is always dinner and drinks, and this is the norm amongst my friends as well (American here) What would you do in my case?
        guidolabense 11y ago
        > How do I get to that stage if I don't know them yet? I really don't get what you're asking. If you don't know them yet, why are you trying to move towards having a relationship with them at all? Are you just trying to form a relationship with people entirely at random? That's what's weird about dating culture. There was a woman who wrote an article about US dating culture vs UK dating culture when she moved to the US to go to college, and she said she found it offensive being asked to go on a date by people she didn't know well, as either they were just asking anyone at random and didn't actually care about her, or they were purely asking her out because of her looks, as that's all they had to go on, and that was offensive as well.
- deleted 11y ago
  [deleted]