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The problem is that society equates being sexist with being evil or bad, the actions of sexist people as being inherently evil, and the words and opinions of se

by dmm 11y ago

The problem is that society equates being sexist with being evil or bad, the actions of sexist people as being inherently evil, and the words and opinions of sexist people as dismissable out-of-hand. So when you point out a sexist action the target of your comment interprets that comment as you saying, "You are evil. Your actions are evil and anything you say is not true." The truth is that even well meaning people who want to treat others well and are willing to learn still do insensitive or discriminatory things but the language people use to point this out is very toxic and often assumes malice.

kelukelugames 11y ago
I also know people who assume malice. They are usually young or have PTSD from dealing with extreme prejudice. The latter is understandable. And the former will stop seeing the world in terms of black and white. But I think the opposite is true. The recipient of the criticism should be less sensitive. Women know the male ego is fragile. That's why most of the time they don't say anything.
ethanbond 11y ago
I don't think that's true at all. In fact, one of the primary complaints I see all the time is that "the patriarchy" implies all men are responsible for whatever the patriarchy is accused of. This isn't actually the case, that abstraction is to avoid what you're alleging: accusing an individual who is not malicious but rather a "victim of the patriarchy." However, even if your actions are the result of larger forces (patriarchy or otherwise), and not malice, you still need to be held personally responsible at some level. I just don't think we've found what that level is, yet.
vertex-four 11y ago
Or else, more generally... people are usually rather terrible at separating out "your behaviour is wrong and needs to be fixed" from "you as a whole are a terrible human being". People often define their identity by their actions, and to claim that those actions might be problematic is to attack their identity. Even where blame is explicitly not placed on anyone, people tend to go on the defensive as soon as you point out that their actions have unintended or un-thought-of consequences.
- kelukelugames 11y ago
  I need to say it this way. It's digestible.

by dmm 11y ago

kelukelugames 11y ago

I also know people who assume malice. They are usually young or have PTSD from dealing with extreme prejudice. The latter is understandable. And the former will stop seeing the world in terms of black and white. But I think the opposite is true. The recipient of the criticism should be less sensitive. Women know the male ego is fragile. That's why most of the time they don't say anything.

ethanbond 11y ago

I don't think that's true at all. In fact, one of the primary complaints I see all the time is that "the patriarchy" implies all men are responsible for whatever the patriarchy is accused of. This isn't actually the case, that abstraction is to avoid what you're alleging: accusing an individual who is not malicious but rather a "victim of the patriarchy." However, even if your actions are the result of larger forces (patriarchy or otherwise), and not malice, you still need to be held personally responsible at some level. I just don't think we've found what that level is, yet.

vertex-four 11y ago

Or else, more generally... people are usually rather terrible at separating out "your behaviour is wrong and needs to be fixed" from "you as a whole are a terrible human being". People often define their identity by their actions, and to claim that those actions might be problematic is to attack their identity. Even where blame is explicitly not placed on anyone, people tend to go on the defensive as soon as you point out that their actions have unintended or un-thought-of consequences.

kelukelugames 11y ago
I need to say it this way. It's digestible.