7 ms·

Funny you bring this up. I was on a date last Thursday and this girl (29 yrs old) was constantly trying to figure out how she was better than me....IN EVERY FA

by NTDF9 11y ago

Funny you bring this up. I was on a date last Thursday and this girl (29 yrs old) was constantly trying to figure out how she was better than me....IN EVERY FACET OF LIFE. For example, she went on and on about how she is a badass since she went to the Amazon forests to a nice touristy shack with a guide and a bar. She told stories of hammocks, mosquito nets, snakes, insects and other wild stuff. After a long time, she finally asked, "Tell me something about yourself...what adventures have you done? Or do you just do some programming stuff" (stereotyping of software engineers is rampant) I simply smiled at her and said, "I backpacked through the forests in India without tour guides and ate wood-fried insects for lunch" (all true) She was surprised....and all of a sudden, the average me piqued her interest. She couldn't believe that I had done better than her in pretty much everything. Now she wanted me....but I didn't...not anymore. I'm 27. I want practical, non-judgemental girls...not massive egos.

balls187 11y ago
Honestly, you both sound pretty lame.
- NTDF9 11y ago
  True. Unfortunately, I can't remain humble when my date starts a brag-fest like high school kids. Humility is sometimes taken as cowardice or shyness.
  - balls187 11y ago
    My rule: unless it was TERRIBLE, I always try for a 2nd date. Too much variability in a first date to draw meaningful conclusions.
    - hanniabu 11y ago
      Truth....was she nervous, was she not into where was picked for the date, did you not get her humor yet, did she not get yours, etc
- GFK_of_xmaspast 11y ago
  Easy on the ablism there "balls187".
- 7952 11y ago
  Yes. No one want's to hear about your gap year in Bolivia.
vinceguidry 11y ago
I have a better explanation. She was talking about the kinds of stuff she was into, and didn't sense that you were into the same things. Then when you said you did do stuff like that, she was interested because you had more in common. She didn't have an ego, you did. If you didn't, you guys could have talked all about the particulars of the stories she was telling, interspersing with similar tales from your adventures. But no, you wanted to prove that you were better than her. So you let her talk thinking not of having an actual conversation with her, but wanting to go on your spiel.
- switchbak 11y ago
  Honestly, you weren't there, you have no idea what kind of tone / non-verbal cues she was putting out there. It's entirely possible you're right, but all you know about the situation is what he's written here. Without any other information, I'm inclined to believe what he's saying.
  - vinceguidry 11y ago
    You're right, I wasn't there. But it's not hard to have an engaging conversation with someone, even someone you are not interested in as a romantic partner. Especially when you have things in common to talk about. He pointedly stated that he didn't want to do this, citing a problem he had with her attitude. To me, it doesn't matter what tone she used, what non-verbal cues she put out there. You're sitting there with someone doing nothing else but talking for an hour or so. If you can't make the most of it, and you blame the other person for that, then it's you that has the ego problem. A conversation, particularly in a date context, is a delicate dance of perceptions, temptation, discovery, and yes, ego. It's fun whether or not you plan on doing anything else with them or even whether you like them.
  - argonaut 11y ago
    Honestly, while I'm not inclined to believe vinceguidry's opinion, I'm also pretty sure NTDF9's opinion is wrong, for a two simple reasons: 1) Virtually every single time I've heard my guy friends talking about (and drawing conclusions from) a bad date, it's almost always (in my judgment) psychobabble BS - there are a million reasons for having a bad experience. Now that I think about it, this applies to women talking about their dates too. 2) Why would you talk about a bad date on an internet forum? I have a strong prior belief that any personal interpretation of the opposite side in a romantic situation on an internet forum, is probably wrong.
tajen 11y ago
I don't think you're the massive ego. There is a competition nowadays to who's done more. Actually when people tell it, it's not that they want to be the best. It's that they want a minimum, and that minimum is perhaps "At least my partner has to be able to enjoy travelling" or "At least my partner must have seen enough different situations so he will be flexible and compassionate if I become broke/superrich or if we have friends from variety X or Y". Maybe try to decrypt what she was asking for and she'll notice you're on the same wavelength. Don't let that mold into a competition.
waleedka 11y ago
Sorry, man. Based on what you wrote and how you wrote it I'm sensing that you might be the one with the massive ego.
koder2016 11y ago
> girl (29 yrs old) > I'm 27 Besides you can afford to keep dating for another 5-10 years, she has to settle soon due to fertility window. Pickiness is the bane of latest generations...
- nandemo 11y ago
  Not all women want to have kids.
  - dennisgorelik 11y ago
    Most women want to have at least one child.
rokhayakebe 11y ago
She could have been nervous and wanted to impress you. A girl who does not like is not likely to spend time trying to outdo you, she'll just fake some reason to leave.
dennisgorelik 11y ago
> was constantly trying to figure out how she was better than me Is there anything wrong with that? I like people who claim to be better ... assuming they can support these claims. She was positive and interested in you - why would that be a problem?

by NTDF9 11y ago

balls187 11y ago

Honestly, you both sound pretty lame.

NTDF9 11y ago
True. Unfortunately, I can't remain humble when my date starts a brag-fest like high school kids. Humility is sometimes taken as cowardice or shyness.
- balls187 11y ago
  My rule: unless it was TERRIBLE, I always try for a 2nd date. Too much variability in a first date to draw meaningful conclusions.
  - hanniabu 11y ago
    Truth....was she nervous, was she not into where was picked for the date, did you not get her humor yet, did she not get yours, etc
GFK_of_xmaspast 11y ago
Easy on the ablism there "balls187".
7952 11y ago
Yes. No one want's to hear about your gap year in Bolivia.

vinceguidry 11y ago

I have a better explanation. She was talking about the kinds of stuff she was into, and didn't sense that you were into the same things. Then when you said you did do stuff like that, she was interested because you had more in common. She didn't have an ego, you did. If you didn't, you guys could have talked all about the particulars of the stories she was telling, interspersing with similar tales from your adventures. But no, you wanted to prove that you were better than her. So you let her talk thinking not of having an actual conversation with her, but wanting to go on your spiel.

switchbak 11y ago
Honestly, you weren't there, you have no idea what kind of tone / non-verbal cues she was putting out there. It's entirely possible you're right, but all you know about the situation is what he's written here. Without any other information, I'm inclined to believe what he's saying.
- vinceguidry 11y ago
  You're right, I wasn't there. But it's not hard to have an engaging conversation with someone, even someone you are not interested in as a romantic partner. Especially when you have things in common to talk about. He pointedly stated that he didn't want to do this, citing a problem he had with her attitude. To me, it doesn't matter what tone she used, what non-verbal cues she put out there. You're sitting there with someone doing nothing else but talking for an hour or so. If you can't make the most of it, and you blame the other person for that, then it's you that has the ego problem. A conversation, particularly in a date context, is a delicate dance of perceptions, temptation, discovery, and yes, ego. It's fun whether or not you plan on doing anything else with them or even whether you like them.
- argonaut 11y ago
  Honestly, while I'm not inclined to believe vinceguidry's opinion, I'm also pretty sure NTDF9's opinion is wrong, for a two simple reasons: 1) Virtually every single time I've heard my guy friends talking about (and drawing conclusions from) a bad date, it's almost always (in my judgment) psychobabble BS - there are a million reasons for having a bad experience. Now that I think about it, this applies to women talking about their dates too. 2) Why would you talk about a bad date on an internet forum? I have a strong prior belief that any personal interpretation of the opposite side in a romantic situation on an internet forum, is probably wrong.

tajen 11y ago

I don't think you're the massive ego. There is a competition nowadays to who's done more. Actually when people tell it, it's not that they want to be the best. It's that they want a minimum, and that minimum is perhaps "At least my partner has to be able to enjoy travelling" or "At least my partner must have seen enough different situations so he will be flexible and compassionate if I become broke/superrich or if we have friends from variety X or Y". Maybe try to decrypt what she was asking for and she'll notice you're on the same wavelength. Don't let that mold into a competition.

waleedka 11y ago

Sorry, man. Based on what you wrote and how you wrote it I'm sensing that you might be the one with the massive ego.

koder2016 11y ago

> girl (29 yrs old) > I'm 27 Besides you can afford to keep dating for another 5-10 years, she has to settle soon due to fertility window. Pickiness is the bane of latest generations...

nandemo 11y ago
Not all women want to have kids.
- dennisgorelik 11y ago
  Most women want to have at least one child.

rokhayakebe 11y ago

She could have been nervous and wanted to impress you. A girl who does not like is not likely to spend time trying to outdo you, she'll just fake some reason to leave.

dennisgorelik 11y ago

> was constantly trying to figure out how she was better than me Is there anything wrong with that? I like people who claim to be better ... assuming they can support these claims. She was positive and interested in you - why would that be a problem?