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I'm not. I have been doing it since I was 9. I pulled most of the heavy-duty, hardcore all-nighters during my teenage years; I grew up writing C, and was hackin

I'm not. I have been doing it since I was 9. I pulled most of the heavy-duty, hardcore all-nighters during my teenage years; I grew up writing C, and was hacking on socket code and compiling kernels when I was 12-16. So by the time I was 20, I was utterly burned out. Most of my peers discovered the crazy, hyper-caffinated, 24/7 techie life in university years, and still have a few years of this insanity left in them. I don't. I'm 30 now, and feel like I've been running on fumes ever since. I am still interested in software architecture at a conceptual level, of course, but suffer from immense fatigue at the keystroke-based deliverables aspect. It's always a motivational struggle to write even a little code, with few exceptions. I procrastinate horrifically, because I find it tedious. Some of it may be because my work entails dealing with fairly uninteresting and unexciting things, and some of it is the cash flow schizophrenia of constantly operating at the very margins of economic survival, but above all else, it's just psychological, cognitive and physical fatigue. I'm also fairly extroverted and have always been interested in the social and political dimension of what I'm doing, but, through eight years of self-employment, have pigeonholed myself into a solipsistic role without a collective--rewarding to those who crave peace, quiet and code, but not at all catering to my particular reward centres. I love selling what I do, but the dreaded implementation of what I just sold is like pulling teeth. Deprived of a collective, recognition, the competitive aspect, and any sense of larger purpose, it's a real challenge to get myself to work on code. In retrospect, I probably would have been better off sticking it out in corporate America and tracking myself into technical management. However, I left the employment world at age 22 and decided to hole up in a business model where I'd be most economically rewarded if I could get myself to write more than a few lines a week. I am deeply specialised in a niche vertical that can pay well, so one would think the money would keep me going (I can easily bill $250/hr for what I do), but it doesn't. Some of that is a business and life problem, but some of it is that I just don't care enough to pound code anymore at virtually any price--though, of course, that's not to say that taking the bricks of economic stress that come with a bootstrapped eight-year consulting-turned-product death march off wouldn't help. I still do it, but it's taken me five years to write a slightly half-assed software suite that an energetic and motivated programmer could have done in far, far less time.

spoiler 11y ago
Have you considered that there's something wrong with you emotionally? You sound like you're constantly under stress and even anxious about your economic survival. Those two can very effectively dig you into a slippery hole of depression which would just amplify them and you'll falling into that depression even further. It's like a loop that nearly impossible to break out of, and even when you do returning to a comfortable life rhythm will take considerable effort, too. Also, for a lot of people there is no rock-bottom, you'll just keep slipping deeper and deeper. So, my advice is to ask for professional help—which I realise is one of those "easy to say; hard to do" type of advices, but try to ask for support from your friends—and try discovering something new, which can be completely outside of IT! Another thing that you can try—which is very effective, but doesn't require you to dish out money is downloading some CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) tracks or guidance applications. There is quite a few of them and they can help a lot (although they might not be as effective as with professional guidance). Also, something "odd" which I can also recommend is 7cups.com (which is an online therapy platform; you can have 1-1 sessions or group sessions, it's great if you need to just talk to someone). You can even try becoming a guide (called a "Listener"), helping others can also help you (and this especially true, if you're an extrovert).
- abalashov 11y ago
  1. If there are objective sources of stress (e.g. problems of economic survival), I don't perceive that to be an emotional problem. Emotional problems, as I would use the term, are problems which are strictly endogenous in nature. 2. I generally go about my business just fine and am quite functional. But since the OP asked if I'm happy per se doing software work... 3. I'd probably be happier in engineering management, or in technical sales and marketing (i.e. of the highly consultative sort). I seem to have a pretty healthy - even cheerful - appetite for those things, when the opportunity to do them arises. I'm not depressed. I'm just beyond burned out on coding as a mode of existence, and then some.
  - spoiler 11y ago
    > 1. If there are objective sources of stress (e.g. problems of economic survival), I don't perceive that to be an emotional problem. Emotional problems, as I would use the term, are problems which are strictly endogenous in nature. I meant psychological problems rather than emotional, but I feel like those two are intertwined, anyway. Sorry for the confusion. Being burnt-out is also a type of stress. What I meant to say is that, if you're constantly under stress it can have an impact on your emotional/psychological state as well, and you shouldn't underestimate the damage psychological stress can do to your personality.

spoiler 11y ago

Have you considered that there's something wrong with you emotionally? You sound like you're constantly under stress and even anxious about your economic survival. Those two can very effectively dig you into a slippery hole of depression which would just amplify them and you'll falling into that depression even further. It's like a loop that nearly impossible to break out of, and even when you do returning to a comfortable life rhythm will take considerable effort, too. Also, for a lot of people there is no rock-bottom, you'll just keep slipping deeper and deeper. So, my advice is to ask for professional help—which I realise is one of those "easy to say; hard to do" type of advices, but try to ask for support from your friends—and try discovering something new, which can be completely outside of IT! Another thing that you can try—which is very effective, but doesn't require you to dish out money is downloading some CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) tracks or guidance applications. There is quite a few of them and they can help a lot (although they might not be as effective as with professional guidance). Also, something "odd" which I can also recommend is 7cups.com (which is an online therapy platform; you can have 1-1 sessions or group sessions, it's great if you need to just talk to someone). You can even try becoming a guide (called a "Listener"), helping others can also help you (and this especially true, if you're an extrovert).

abalashov 11y ago
1. If there are objective sources of stress (e.g. problems of economic survival), I don't perceive that to be an emotional problem. Emotional problems, as I would use the term, are problems which are strictly endogenous in nature. 2. I generally go about my business just fine and am quite functional. But since the OP asked if I'm happy per se doing software work... 3. I'd probably be happier in engineering management, or in technical sales and marketing (i.e. of the highly consultative sort). I seem to have a pretty healthy - even cheerful - appetite for those things, when the opportunity to do them arises. I'm not depressed. I'm just beyond burned out on coding as a mode of existence, and then some.
- spoiler 11y ago
  > 1. If there are objective sources of stress (e.g. problems of economic survival), I don't perceive that to be an emotional problem. Emotional problems, as I would use the term, are problems which are strictly endogenous in nature. I meant psychological problems rather than emotional, but I feel like those two are intertwined, anyway. Sorry for the confusion. Being burnt-out is also a type of stress. What I meant to say is that, if you're constantly under stress it can have an impact on your emotional/psychological state as well, and you shouldn't underestimate the damage psychological stress can do to your personality.