3 ms·

I mostly disagree with this based on my own observations. I don't know what age group they are talking about here, but I have a 5 and 7 yo. My 7 yo has problems

by solson 17y ago

I mostly disagree with this based on my own observations. I don't know what age group they are talking about here, but I have a 5 and 7 yo. My 7 yo has problems with some of the boys in the neighborhood. They gang up and beat on him sometimes. It isn't because he doesn't understand social skills and he doesn't share. None of them share. They're all selfish. They're seven! If I were to judge, I'd say my son has the best social and verbal skills of all of them, but I'm probably biased. One of the boys that does most of the bullying can barely speak and has the worst social skills of all of them. The reason they pick on him is because he doesn't like to play sports with them and he isn't very good at sports. He also doesn't care to smash each other in the face with sticks. He'd rather play imaginary games outside or computer games inside or program the computer in MIT's Scratch IDE. The reason they isolate him is because he's different and there aren't any other kids like him the neighborhood. If there were 10 other 7-yo computer geeks in the neighborhood and one kid who liked football. The kid who liked football would be bullied and rejected. It's a numbers game.

asolove 17y ago
There are two different phenomena here, one they studied and one you've observed. There are intelligent but different people who experience some social rejection but have their own interests and eventually come around to being accepted after puberty when they are obviously more intellectually and emotionally stable than the formerly "cool" people. That is probably the majority of readers of HN and their kids. What this study is talking about is social rejection among kids who are not that intelligent or self-driven. In school, you may remember one person who, though not "geeky," did seem slightly off. Kids jump on this quickly, lacking any absolute ideas about behavior and only knowing what they are used to. For geeks, this rejection can become a strong drive and badge of honor among ourselves. But for "normal" kids who just happen to be out of sync with their peers, and have nothing else to define themselves in terms of, it is a big problem.
enjo 17y ago
I'm not in any position to speak for your child, but you might want to take another look. After all, my parents said much the same thing about me when I was 7. I had a very rough childhood when it came to my social abilities. I was well spoken and verbalized well. It wasn't until I was an adult that I became acutely aware of the issues I faced with regards to non-verbal and verbal social cues. In many cases I'm quite literally blind, even today, to those social cues. I've learned to compensate for that by essentially training myself by observing other people and becoming quite active in trying to decipher other peoples unspoken cues. It's clear to me that there is something in my makeup that I'm having to compensate for. It doesn't make me a terrible human being...it just is what it is. It's likely that your son is a lot like me. He sounds smart, but struggles socially. I wish my parents had taken a more active role in helping me to practice and manage social situations. The scars from middle and high-school still stick with me. That said, at 30 years old I've managed to 'grow into' myself socially. I find my social interactions to be less daunting. My confidence is 100% better than it was 15 years ago. I'm happily married and am quite happy with every aspect of my life. So it does get better eventually:) So I can really relate to this study. It really confirms what I already knew, that my social troubles where (at least in part) my fault. I hope your son has better success than I did.

by solson 17y ago

asolove 17y ago

There are two different phenomena here, one they studied and one you've observed. There are intelligent but different people who experience some social rejection but have their own interests and eventually come around to being accepted after puberty when they are obviously more intellectually and emotionally stable than the formerly "cool" people. That is probably the majority of readers of HN and their kids. What this study is talking about is social rejection among kids who are not that intelligent or self-driven. In school, you may remember one person who, though not "geeky," did seem slightly off. Kids jump on this quickly, lacking any absolute ideas about behavior and only knowing what they are used to. For geeks, this rejection can become a strong drive and badge of honor among ourselves. But for "normal" kids who just happen to be out of sync with their peers, and have nothing else to define themselves in terms of, it is a big problem.

enjo 17y ago

I'm not in any position to speak for your child, but you might want to take another look. After all, my parents said much the same thing about me when I was 7. I had a very rough childhood when it came to my social abilities. I was well spoken and verbalized well. It wasn't until I was an adult that I became acutely aware of the issues I faced with regards to non-verbal and verbal social cues. In many cases I'm quite literally blind, even today, to those social cues. I've learned to compensate for that by essentially training myself by observing other people and becoming quite active in trying to decipher other peoples unspoken cues. It's clear to me that there is something in my makeup that I'm having to compensate for. It doesn't make me a terrible human being...it just is what it is. It's likely that your son is a lot like me. He sounds smart, but struggles socially. I wish my parents had taken a more active role in helping me to practice and manage social situations. The scars from middle and high-school still stick with me. That said, at 30 years old I've managed to 'grow into' myself socially. I find my social interactions to be less daunting. My confidence is 100% better than it was 15 years ago. I'm happily married and am quite happy with every aspect of my life. So it does get better eventually:) So I can really relate to this study. It really confirms what I already knew, that my social troubles where (at least in part) my fault. I hope your son has better success than I did.