Story time! I smoked my first cigarette when I was 20. I was living in chicago, and at the time I was homeless and had spent about an hour and a half sitting on

Story time! I smoked my first cigarette when I was 20. I was living in chicago, and at the time I was homeless and had spent about an hour and a half sitting on one of the train stops contemplating jumping in front of one. Obviously, I was looking a bit distraught, and a woman came up to me to ask if I was alright. I said I was fine, and she offered me a cigarette. I figured at this point, who cares. I was literally about 10 feet and an impulse away from killing myself, so I accepted. I was able to resist that particular impulse, but the anxiety and depression have more or less followed me. I continued smoking, and my daily use has varied, and even ceasing periodically for months at a time. But I find myself turning back to smoking at times when I am so anxious and depressed that I really want to die. It helps me to calm a little, and placate the suicidal impulse long enough to pass.