5 ms·

As a single late 40-something, I found myself chuckling in agreement with all the main points of this really well written article. The online dating process, t

by cubano 11y ago

As a single late 40-something, I found myself chuckling in agreement with all the main points of this really well written article. The online dating process, to me at least, falls somewhere between setting myself on fire with lighter fluid and posting cat vids (well, anything really) on Facebook. I tried it a few years back and very quickly realized it just wasn't for me and didn't fit my personality worth a damn. It's a desensitizing/lonely/desperate numbers game where all incentives lie with lining up as many "targets" as you can and hoping for hits. The OP is right, tho...as you get older it gets harder and harder to find potential long term mates, especially if you are a recovering addict with felonies in your background, as I am, for every women I did meet online immediately ran background checks.

biot 11y ago
Running background checks for a date is a thing these days? How times change...
- leephillips 11y ago
  "We're only a few years away from a point where no mating will ever occur because no one will pass the background check." -- Scott Adams
  - GFK_of_xmaspast 11y ago
    Is that the same Scott Adams who said that the only thing stoping him from murder is regular hugs.
    - leephillips 11y ago
      I don't know. I didn't do the background check.
mysterypie 11y ago
> every women I did meet online immediately ran background checks Are you serious? Women actually run background checks on dates? I don't know where to begin with my questions. Did you tell the women about your background, or they just do it on everyone? What company or service does these checks? Don't they have to get authorization from you to do a check? Wouldn't this be expensive? Is this something typical in the country/community where you live (and where is that)?
- wtvanhest 11y ago
  He probably means they just googled his name. If it's an uncommon name and he has multiple felonies, they will find him.
- SixSigma 11y ago
  We have Clare's Law (or rather The Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme) in the UK where you can find out if you partner has a record for domestic violence. http://content.met.police.uk/Article/Domestic-Violence-Disclosure-Scheme---Clares-Law/1400022792812/1400022792812 http://content.met.police.uk/Article/Domestic-Violence-Discl...
- datapat 11y ago
  >Are you serious? Are you seriously so mind-blown at the idea that women (often mothers of young children) might want to have as much information as possible about a person who they don't know, but who they're considering allowing into their lives? >I don't know where to begin with my questions. Google?
- Blackthorn 11y ago
  It doesn't seem too outlandish to me. Date rape is a thing that happens with depressing frequency. Women have to be constantly alert, and if something happens to them everyone will tell them that they deserved it or did something to bring it on. In that sort of an environment, you'd damn well better expect background checks.
- xlm1717 11y ago
  They do this for their own safety. It might not be fair if what is in someone's background check doesn't reflect who they are today. They may be truly remorseful for red flags that show up. But then again, they may not, and the woman just saved themselves the trouble of gambling on someone with a record. They don't have to get authorization from you if the records are public. And it seems like a small price to pay for safety.
sjs382 11y ago
Background: I'm currently a 30-year-old male, who used OKCupid as a 21-23 year old male, before finding my wife on there. I think a lot of it has to do with what you're expecting out of online dating. I was a person who liked to date, and found fun experiences even in disastrous dates. That approach often leads to lots of dates with people with the same mindset.
cholantesh 11y ago
>It's a desensitizing/lonely/desperate numbers game where all incentives lie with lining up as many "targets" as you can and hoping for hits. Can't that be said for practically all forms of dating? I mean, I've met divorcees from arranged marriages who criticize the process on the same basis...

by cubano 11y ago

biot 11y ago

Running background checks for a date is a thing these days? How times change...

leephillips 11y ago
"We're only a few years away from a point where no mating will ever occur because no one will pass the background check." -- Scott Adams
- GFK_of_xmaspast 11y ago
  Is that the same Scott Adams who said that the only thing stoping him from murder is regular hugs.
  - leephillips 11y ago
    I don't know. I didn't do the background check.

mysterypie 11y ago

> every women I did meet online immediately ran background checks Are you serious? Women actually run background checks on dates? I don't know where to begin with my questions. Did you tell the women about your background, or they just do it on everyone? What company or service does these checks? Don't they have to get authorization from you to do a check? Wouldn't this be expensive? Is this something typical in the country/community where you live (and where is that)?

wtvanhest 11y ago
He probably means they just googled his name. If it's an uncommon name and he has multiple felonies, they will find him.
SixSigma 11y ago
We have Clare's Law (or rather The Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme) in the UK where you can find out if you partner has a record for domestic violence. http://content.met.police.uk/Article/Domestic-Violence-Disclosure-Scheme---Clares-Law/1400022792812/1400022792812 http://content.met.police.uk/Article/Domestic-Violence-Discl...
datapat 11y ago
>Are you serious? Are you seriously so mind-blown at the idea that women (often mothers of young children) might want to have as much information as possible about a person who they don't know, but who they're considering allowing into their lives? >I don't know where to begin with my questions. Google?
Blackthorn 11y ago
It doesn't seem too outlandish to me. Date rape is a thing that happens with depressing frequency. Women have to be constantly alert, and if something happens to them everyone will tell them that they deserved it or did something to bring it on. In that sort of an environment, you'd damn well better expect background checks.
xlm1717 11y ago
They do this for their own safety. It might not be fair if what is in someone's background check doesn't reflect who they are today. They may be truly remorseful for red flags that show up. But then again, they may not, and the woman just saved themselves the trouble of gambling on someone with a record. They don't have to get authorization from you if the records are public. And it seems like a small price to pay for safety.

sjs382 11y ago

Background: I'm currently a 30-year-old male, who used OKCupid as a 21-23 year old male, before finding my wife on there. I think a lot of it has to do with what you're expecting out of online dating. I was a person who liked to date, and found fun experiences even in disastrous dates. That approach often leads to lots of dates with people with the same mindset.

cholantesh 11y ago

>It's a desensitizing/lonely/desperate numbers game where all incentives lie with lining up as many "targets" as you can and hoping for hits. Can't that be said for practically all forms of dating? I mean, I've met divorcees from arranged marriages who criticize the process on the same basis...