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How so? Logical and irrational people just aren't that likely to get along that well, especially when it comes to things like finances. They might get along w

How so? Logical and irrational people just aren't that likely to get along that well, especially when it comes to things like finances. They might get along well just hanging around together perhaps, but marriage involves a lot of hard, real-world things besides just liking each other and liking to eat at the same restaurants together or whatever. My advice: have some really serious discussions about finances, spending, budgeting, how much you like to run the heat and A/C in your house, how much you like to save/invest, etc. with your prospective spouse long before getting engaged.

existencebox 11y ago
To answer this, the parents, and many sibling posts all in one; we've already have almost a good decade of misery together, so we figured "might as well do it for masochism's sake" :) I'd re-echo the clarification of my main point though, and be less glib: by being able to meet these differences head on, we each managed over the years to shift the other, and produce a dynamic I've become "pretty OK" with. Fortunately the mindsets of the parents don't have to carry down to children in exact parity. (To re-glib for the conclusion; Especially in my case or else I'd be elbow deep in some cancer patient, and I don't have a strong stomach for that sort of thing)
- HeyLaughingBoy 11y ago
  by being able to meet these differences head on That is really key. I am convinced that the reason many relationships, from business to marriages, get in trouble is by avoiding the inevitable conflict or managing it poorly. People will disagree: to respond to an earlier point, my spouse often reminds me that she's not as logically oriented as I am. That's a reminder that all problems can't be addressed through logic. As long as each of us remembers how the other is wired, we find a way to muddle through all the problems we've come across. And there have been some Duesies! But the important thing is to address them and not let issues fester until they explode. More on topic for HN: conflict resolution is an important skill for anyone who will be managing others or engaging with customers. Learning to get better at it can have a positive impact on your bottom line.
  - Grishnakh 11y ago
    >I am convinced that the reason many relationships, from business to marriages, get in trouble is by avoiding the inevitable conflict or managing it poorly. However, it's easier to avoid a lot of "inevitable conflict" by not getting into a relationship with someone whose worldview is too different from your own. Any marriage is going to have some conflict, but picking your partner wisely can minimize that. People I think tend not to think about this when they're young because they haven't been through a failed marriage, and society feeds them a lot of fairy-tale bullshit about how "love conquers all".
pc86 11y ago
Because you have no idea who existencebox is, what his relationship with his fiancee is, and how well or not well they communicate. In fact, you've got evidence that they communicate well: > I've had many and extensive (and quite good) conversations with my fiancee as to how she was brought up in a family that valued emotional reasoning over logical reasoning. Knowing the inputs and broad transactions to someone's mental processes (especially if they're very close to you) can help facilitate communication/understanding And yet, your advice: > I recommend breaking off the engagement while you still can, or else you're in for years of misery. Your advice was certainly not to "have some really serious discussions." It was break off an engagement based on skimming a single comment. Most people are capable of communicating just fine. Just because that wasn't the case with you and your ex doesn't mean your situation is the least bit relevant to existencebox's. That's why it was uncalled for.

existencebox 11y ago

To answer this, the parents, and many sibling posts all in one; we've already have almost a good decade of misery together, so we figured "might as well do it for masochism's sake" :) I'd re-echo the clarification of my main point though, and be less glib: by being able to meet these differences head on, we each managed over the years to shift the other, and produce a dynamic I've become "pretty OK" with. Fortunately the mindsets of the parents don't have to carry down to children in exact parity. (To re-glib for the conclusion; Especially in my case or else I'd be elbow deep in some cancer patient, and I don't have a strong stomach for that sort of thing)

HeyLaughingBoy 11y ago
by being able to meet these differences head on That is really key. I am convinced that the reason many relationships, from business to marriages, get in trouble is by avoiding the inevitable conflict or managing it poorly. People will disagree: to respond to an earlier point, my spouse often reminds me that she's not as logically oriented as I am. That's a reminder that all problems can't be addressed through logic. As long as each of us remembers how the other is wired, we find a way to muddle through all the problems we've come across. And there have been some Duesies! But the important thing is to address them and not let issues fester until they explode. More on topic for HN: conflict resolution is an important skill for anyone who will be managing others or engaging with customers. Learning to get better at it can have a positive impact on your bottom line.
- Grishnakh 11y ago
  >I am convinced that the reason many relationships, from business to marriages, get in trouble is by avoiding the inevitable conflict or managing it poorly. However, it's easier to avoid a lot of "inevitable conflict" by not getting into a relationship with someone whose worldview is too different from your own. Any marriage is going to have some conflict, but picking your partner wisely can minimize that. People I think tend not to think about this when they're young because they haven't been through a failed marriage, and society feeds them a lot of fairy-tale bullshit about how "love conquers all".

pc86 11y ago

Because you have no idea who existencebox is, what his relationship with his fiancee is, and how well or not well they communicate. In fact, you've got evidence that they communicate well: > I've had many and extensive (and quite good) conversations with my fiancee as to how she was brought up in a family that valued emotional reasoning over logical reasoning. Knowing the inputs and broad transactions to someone's mental processes (especially if they're very close to you) can help facilitate communication/understanding And yet, your advice: > I recommend breaking off the engagement while you still can, or else you're in for years of misery. Your advice was certainly not to "have some really serious discussions." It was break off an engagement based on skimming a single comment. Most people are capable of communicating just fine. Just because that wasn't the case with you and your ex doesn't mean your situation is the least bit relevant to existencebox's. That's why it was uncalled for.