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Maybe my situation is a little less common, but I keep waiting for a mid-life crisis. I'm 45, have achieved a lot more so far than I ever expected to (I never e
by Spearchucker 11y ago
Maybe my situation is a little less common, but I keep waiting for a mid-life crisis. I'm 45, have achieved a lot more so far than I ever expected to (I never expected myself to amount to much).
What I have become, is two things - more aware of time, and how limited it is. Second, selfish with my time. I do what I want to do, and no longer do what my girlfriend or anyone else wants me to do, unless it aligns with what I want to do.
- lintiness 11y agoi spotted the guy with no kids!
- theseatoms 11y agoNot having kids is the best lifehack I've ever heard. What's remarkable to me is how content both those with and those without children seem to be with their respective choices. (I know, a massive generalization, from purely anecdotal evidence.) Disclaimer: in my 20s, with no kids... yet
- lintiness 11y agoi've lived extensively with and without, and having kids easily trumps. life's amplitudes are greatly magnified by little ones.
- alxndr 11y ago> "life's amplitudes are greatly magnified by little ones." Is it a given that magnifying life's amplitudes is a good thing?
- sosborn 11y ago> What's remarkable to me is how content both those with and those without children seem to be with their respective choices. I don't find this surprising at all. Generally speaking, people make these choices because they know in their heart that it is what they want for themselves.
- hackuser 11y agoHmmm ... I know many people who are old enough that it's too late to change and who regret or at least doubt not having kids, and none who regret having them. Does anyone ever say, 'my life would have been so much better if I didn't have Billy/Marie'?
- NhanH 11y agoThere is definitely some kind of sampling biased here. I can't imagine rational people regrets having kids will ever say that out loud without being burned at stakes. Besides, regrets tend to come in the form of "wish I've done something" (this applies to both sides), as can be seen even in earlier comments of this chain. Regret of having kids is likely to manifest in the form of wishing to have done more/ different things.
- hackuser 11y agoLot's of interesting theory, but it would be too bad if anyone let that overcome what for very many is by far the most important, happiest thing in their lives.
- aidenn0 11y agoI'm a foster parent. I definitely know people who regret having kids. Furthermore, just on the basis of the number of single mothers I know, I would posit that at least one man you know has kids, regretted it, left the mother and just hasn't volunteered that information to you. [edit] Also, my wife was adopted when her parents were in their 40s, so it's probably not too late to raise a kid.
- deleted 11y ago[deleted]
- jkyle 11y agoI have heard more than I can count express regret at having children. Though it is usually in the form of regretting the timing (too young) with a caveat that the regret does not diminish their love.
- jl6 11y agoI work in Finance, which is littered with the apparently-still-living corpses of people who have made a ton of money at the expense of family life, and now have nothing worthwhile to spend it on.
- jkyle 11y agoWhile I have a young child I waited till later in life to become a parent. I feel fairly confident in my opinion that there is always something worthwhile to spend money on.
- pklausler 11y agoAt least once a week, my wife and I will look at each other and say "I am so glad we didn't have kids!" We're in our late 40's / early 50's.
- jkmcf 11y agoI believe there’s a study that shows educated people are having less or no children. Draw your own conclusions, but I don’t see any positives for society.
- deleted 11y ago[deleted]
- jstelly 11y agoIt's because the abstract idea of a child is very different from the concrete reality of your specific child. I went through the same kind of thinking in my 20s; it's very hard to realize the huge gap between the idea of children and your actual children without visiting the other side.
- gaius 11y agoYou can't visit. It's a one way ticket.
- stinkytaco 11y agoThis is why I try very hard not to comment on people's decision not to have children. I think the vast majority of them would likely feel differently once they had them and would find it rewarding in ways an early 20 something cannot imagine. On the other hand, some of them might not and I sure as hell don't want them having kids. How miserable for everyone involved.
- rpgmaker 11y agoYou know… Before you have a kid, everyone tells you, "it's the best thing you'll ever do." And as soon as you get the baby back from the hospital, those same people are like, "Don't worry, it gets better." I'm like, "What the fuck was all that before?" - Quote from While We’re Young.
- cubano 11y agoYou simply could not be more wrong. In the end, having children is the only thing in life that really makes any sense.
- aagha 11y agoPossibly. There are moments when I wish I didn't have kids. But then there are moments when I see my son's or daughter's face and am in utter awe at their amazing beauty and realize a kind of happiness I can never imagine having from anything else. When I sum it all up, I think that I am better and happier with them in my life than I would be if I didn't have them.
- Spearchucker 11y agoI have a kid. Best thing I ever did with my life. He's 3.
- PopsiclePete 11y agoYou're 45 and had a kid when you were 42. Congrats, man! Here I am, at 35, still child-less, and I was wondering if I had missed that train... I know this is personal, and feel free to ignore me, but....is your girlfriend significantly younger than you? Just wondering because I know it's hard for women to conceive past 35 or so. You're giving me hope I still have time!!!
- marktangotango 11y agoI had my first at 41, second at 43. Those where my 'mid life crises' babies, best thing ever (I made PEOPLE!). My wife just turned 40. We met 5 years ago. We were both older, and wanted children. Conceiving was a bit of a challenge, we had to work at it. Plus neither of us had children before, so neither of us knew if we were even able. Worked out for us in the end, we were very fortunate.
- duderific 11y agoHad my first kid last year, at 45. My wife is 35. I love that little guy more than anything else I've ever loved. Every day I look forward to coming home and seeing his big smile. Yes, if your wife/girlfriend is around 35, the window is starting to close, but more and more women are having kids well into their 30's and early 40's.