4 ms·

How do you date someone in Japan if you're always working?

by horsecaptin 11y ago

rwmj 11y ago
Ever wonder why Japan has a very low birthrate? I'm sure these things must be connected to some degree.
- threeseed 11y ago
  To some extent. There are many factors though: (a) children often live with parents to a higher age, (b) Japanese are quite conservative about sex in general, (c) there are plenty of alternative options for guys in the cities.
  - Cyberdog 11y ago
    > (b) Japanese are quite conservative about sex in general, Your other two points may be factors to some extent, but this point does not match up with my own experience, and I'm wondering how on earth you might have got this impression.
cthalupa 11y ago
Well, there's multiple answers to this that I am aware of, and probably more that I am not, but: Scenario A, working as a Salaryman at a Large Company: While you spend most of your time working, it's still not all of it - there is occasional free time, and anyone that is willing to date a salaryman will be aware of the demands imposed on you by your career. Additional, if you have not manager to find yourself a serious prospect or wife by the time you are nearing the end of your 20s, it is your bosses responsibility to play matchmaker. This isn't an arranged marriage, but there some pressures to settle down, and culturally it would be seen as a failing of your boss for you to make it well into your 30s unmarried. Scenario B, not working as a Salaryman at a large company: Your work schedule is much more similar to that of what we see in the Western world. There are jobs available that are going to be a more typical 40-50 hours a week, even in professional fields - not everyone has to go work for a megacorp. And, on the other side of things, sometimes you don't. Marriage and birth rates are dropping. More and more young men and women do not date at all - even those that are not working obscene hours. Many NEET (Not Employed, in Education, or Training) and 引き籠もり (extreme shut-ins, usually an overlap with the NEET) are not dating either. And while there is still more sexism in Japan than many other first world countries, women are finally being allowed more in the way of career progression, and many are choosing to ignore marriage, etc, and instead focusing on being successful. There are entire industries devoted to replacing the need for relationships - host and hostess clubs, where you pay exorbitant amounts of money to just talk with people of the opposite sex as if they were a romantic partner (with no actual sexual activity), 'cuddle bars', video games that encourage you to go on date-like activities with a virtual SO in the game (yes, literally taking your girlfriend on your 3DS out to eat), etc etc etc. Dating is a problem in Japan, and not just because of extreme work hours.
- patio11 11y ago
  My experience as a salaryman was pretty much Scenario A. I dated a bit during those years; the modal date was probably "I'll meet you at 3 PM on Saturday at the train station, we'll do a late lunch, movie, dinner, and some karaoke. This will be the only time we see each other this week." Repeat for virtually the entire relationship. (It took me a few years of maturity and a little bit of post-salaryman-clarity-of-hindsight to realize that I was probably as emotionally distant as I was physically not present, which was something I would not have agreed with if you had told me it at the time.) This is not wholly dissimilar to the traditional expectations for amount of time a Japanese husband is expected to be able to devote to his wife and children during regular working weeks. (I'm reporting, not endorsing.)

How do you date someone in Japan if you're always working?

rwmj 11y ago

Ever wonder why Japan has a very low birthrate? I'm sure these things must be connected to some degree.

threeseed 11y ago
To some extent. There are many factors though: (a) children often live with parents to a higher age, (b) Japanese are quite conservative about sex in general, (c) there are plenty of alternative options for guys in the cities.
- Cyberdog 11y ago
  > (b) Japanese are quite conservative about sex in general, Your other two points may be factors to some extent, but this point does not match up with my own experience, and I'm wondering how on earth you might have got this impression.

cthalupa 11y ago

Well, there's multiple answers to this that I am aware of, and probably more that I am not, but: Scenario A, working as a Salaryman at a Large Company: While you spend most of your time working, it's still not all of it - there is occasional free time, and anyone that is willing to date a salaryman will be aware of the demands imposed on you by your career. Additional, if you have not manager to find yourself a serious prospect or wife by the time you are nearing the end of your 20s, it is your bosses responsibility to play matchmaker. This isn't an arranged marriage, but there some pressures to settle down, and culturally it would be seen as a failing of your boss for you to make it well into your 30s unmarried. Scenario B, not working as a Salaryman at a large company: Your work schedule is much more similar to that of what we see in the Western world. There are jobs available that are going to be a more typical 40-50 hours a week, even in professional fields - not everyone has to go work for a megacorp. And, on the other side of things, sometimes you don't. Marriage and birth rates are dropping. More and more young men and women do not date at all - even those that are not working obscene hours. Many NEET (Not Employed, in Education, or Training) and 引き籠もり (extreme shut-ins, usually an overlap with the NEET) are not dating either. And while there is still more sexism in Japan than many other first world countries, women are finally being allowed more in the way of career progression, and many are choosing to ignore marriage, etc, and instead focusing on being successful. There are entire industries devoted to replacing the need for relationships - host and hostess clubs, where you pay exorbitant amounts of money to just talk with people of the opposite sex as if they were a romantic partner (with no actual sexual activity), 'cuddle bars', video games that encourage you to go on date-like activities with a virtual SO in the game (yes, literally taking your girlfriend on your 3DS out to eat), etc etc etc. Dating is a problem in Japan, and not just because of extreme work hours.

patio11 11y ago
My experience as a salaryman was pretty much Scenario A. I dated a bit during those years; the modal date was probably "I'll meet you at 3 PM on Saturday at the train station, we'll do a late lunch, movie, dinner, and some karaoke. This will be the only time we see each other this week." Repeat for virtually the entire relationship. (It took me a few years of maturity and a little bit of post-salaryman-clarity-of-hindsight to realize that I was probably as emotionally distant as I was physically not present, which was something I would not have agreed with if you had told me it at the time.) This is not wholly dissimilar to the traditional expectations for amount of time a Japanese husband is expected to be able to devote to his wife and children during regular working weeks. (I'm reporting, not endorsing.)