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So this feels relevant. I spotted this piece in this morning's NYTimes front page: http://www.nytimes.com/2016/01/03/fashion/so-you-think-your-sisters-boyfrien

So this feels relevant. I spotted this piece in this morning's NYTimes front page: http://www.nytimes.com/2016/01/03/fashion/so-you-think-your-sisters-boyfriend-is-gay.html?_r=0 http://www.nytimes.com/2016/01/03/fashion/so-you-think-your-... "My sister has been dating her boyfriend for two years. They live together and seem mostly happy. And I am happy for them, except for one thing: I am about 99 percent sure he is gay. Now, I have no problem with homosexuality, but you can understand my concern. Also, I am not the only one who thinks this. Several male friends have told me that he has tried to kiss other men or grab their crotches. I would like to bring this up with my sister. How should I do it? Michelle, New York" The response: "Request denied! Before you say anything hurtful to your sister, let’s take a peek at some of the (homophobic-adjacent) assumptions that you’ve made on your (probably well-intentioned) road to judgment. Your 99 percent certainty rests on unknown evidence. (Spare me your gaydar.) But I am willing to bet that much of it involves silly stereotypes about masculinity. Is the boyfriend effeminate? Does he follow fashion or musical theater? News flash: He can still be straight." "More problematic is the “gay panic” of your male friends, whose gossipy stories may rely on secondhand reports from still other men. Not so reliable. What’s more, I don’t buy it. Gay men and lesbians have long been, and often still are, a persecuted minority. (Have you seen the excellent film “Carol” yet?) The idea that a gay man could blithely and repeatedly “grab the crotches” of his straight cohorts is absurd. There would be consequences." This story was linked on the front page of the NY Times this morning. I may be completely uncalibrated and out of touch with modern values and sensitivities. But I don't think I am. So I'm curious: Does anyone else see anything a little odd about this piece?

arethuza 11y ago
The reply also contains: "If your sister’s life is working for her, back off. Once you share your views, you can’t unshare them. " Which seems pretty good advice to me.
- mmaunder 11y ago
  I'd hate to think my trusted friends or family are lying to me because they can't unshare.
pappyo 11y ago
It's odd because someone is looking for advice and in return were shamed. Being concerned for one's sister is not a shamable offence...yet...uhh...check your privilege or some such. Funny enough, the slogan "Check Your Privilege" has come full circle and become the battle cry of the Social Justice Warrior, alienating all that are on the receiving end of its blow. Whereas its original intent was to help the receiver do some contextual introspection.
- aninhumer 11y ago
  Moreover, they were shamed for things the writer assumed about their evidence, while dismissing the actual stated evidence as implausible. There is some good advice here: Consider carefully whether your belief that they're gay isn't based on homophobic assumptions. But rather than frame it like that, they are instead assumed to have already made these assumptions, and berated for them.
js8 11y ago
> Does anyone else see anything a little odd about this piece? I don't see anything odd about the story nor advice, but I am not American. What do you think is odd about it?
paulddraper 11y ago
The response essentially was "I'm assuming your evidence is based on assumptions."

arethuza 11y ago

The reply also contains: "If your sister’s life is working for her, back off. Once you share your views, you can’t unshare them. " Which seems pretty good advice to me.

mmaunder 11y ago
I'd hate to think my trusted friends or family are lying to me because they can't unshare.

pappyo 11y ago

It's odd because someone is looking for advice and in return were shamed. Being concerned for one's sister is not a shamable offence...yet...uhh...check your privilege or some such. Funny enough, the slogan "Check Your Privilege" has come full circle and become the battle cry of the Social Justice Warrior, alienating all that are on the receiving end of its blow. Whereas its original intent was to help the receiver do some contextual introspection.

aninhumer 11y ago
Moreover, they were shamed for things the writer assumed about their evidence, while dismissing the actual stated evidence as implausible. There is some good advice here: Consider carefully whether your belief that they're gay isn't based on homophobic assumptions. But rather than frame it like that, they are instead assumed to have already made these assumptions, and berated for them.

js8 11y ago

> Does anyone else see anything a little odd about this piece? I don't see anything odd about the story nor advice, but I am not American. What do you think is odd about it?

paulddraper 11y ago

The response essentially was "I'm assuming your evidence is based on assumptions."