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> “I can’t trust someone who doesn’t drink.” The author says he doesn't understand this sentiment, but actually he almost managed to explain it in the precedin

> “I can’t trust someone who doesn’t drink.” The author says he doesn't understand this sentiment, but actually he almost managed to explain it in the preceding section: > I’m in control of my actions basically all of the time. Drinking helps to build trust precisely because everybody is less "in control", i.e. less able to put up and maintain a fake front.

habitue 11y ago
Ehhh... That doesn't sound right. It's more that the perception is someone is stuck up and prudish if they don't drink.
deleted 11y ago
[deleted]
kintamanimatt 11y ago
That's a strange fear to have because fake fronts* are fairly easy to detect in sober people. People might say shit they wouldn't while sober (true or otherwise), but alcohol isn't some magical truth serum and plenty of secrets have been kept while hammered. Very few people are out to get you, and if you're using alcohol to detect such a bias you're using the wrong tool. I'm not sure why a drunk person's actions should be representative of their "real" selves anyway. Does a drunk person's meandering path indicate they're actually faking the ability to walk straight while sober? No. And what about the person who becomes more lively and silly when drunk? Are they faking being calmer while sober? Doubtful. People are different when they're drunk and they're just a stupider version of themselves, not necessarily a truer one. I know people who choose not to drink because they consistently made bad choices when drunk that didn't fit with their "real" nature. I see that as a sign of a responsible person, not a less trustworthy friend. Some I know have been traumatized by an alcoholic parent. I don't trust them any less because of this. I know others who just don't like the taste of alcohol. Everyone has personal tastes; I don't like spicy food. There are others that will drink but not drink to excess because they don't enjoy wasting a day to a hangover. I'm pretty sure they're not trying to pull the wool over my eyes. Most importantly, there are also those who are actual alcoholics, for whom alcohol interferes with their physical and mental health, together with their ability to make progress towards their life goals. If you can't trust someone because they stopped making a bad choice, I'm not sure what you're looking for in a person. Personally I'm happy when someone stops a destructive action. Arguing that you can't trust someone that doesn't drink is anachronistic and founded on specious reasoning. Most people drink and some don't. I can't assume that someone's sobriety or desire to stay in control (they may just be a control freak) is a sign they're trying to hide their true selves from me, because that just doesn't make sense. For some people drinking is fun and cool, but for others it's unpleasant, destructive, irresponsible, and distressing. * I'm going to interpret a "fake front" as the intention to maliciously misrepresent and deceive for some sort of personal gain at a loss to someone else.
- k__ 11y ago
  Hehe. It's a big step to admit that your knowledge in human nature is just bad. The most wrong decisions I have seen were made because people thought they knew other people better than they actually did.
scotty79 11y ago
We had a saying in socialist/communist Poland. Who doesn't drink is a rat (informant). Of course lots of informants were drinking, because alcohol is not magic honesty elixir that makes you go against your vital interests. It just makes you less restrained in pursuing what you want and not remember it.

habitue 11y ago

Ehhh... That doesn't sound right. It's more that the perception is someone is stuck up and prudish if they don't drink.

deleted 11y ago

[deleted]

kintamanimatt 11y ago

That's a strange fear to have because fake fronts* are fairly easy to detect in sober people. People might say shit they wouldn't while sober (true or otherwise), but alcohol isn't some magical truth serum and plenty of secrets have been kept while hammered. Very few people are out to get you, and if you're using alcohol to detect such a bias you're using the wrong tool. I'm not sure why a drunk person's actions should be representative of their "real" selves anyway. Does a drunk person's meandering path indicate they're actually faking the ability to walk straight while sober? No. And what about the person who becomes more lively and silly when drunk? Are they faking being calmer while sober? Doubtful. People are different when they're drunk and they're just a stupider version of themselves, not necessarily a truer one. I know people who choose not to drink because they consistently made bad choices when drunk that didn't fit with their "real" nature. I see that as a sign of a responsible person, not a less trustworthy friend. Some I know have been traumatized by an alcoholic parent. I don't trust them any less because of this. I know others who just don't like the taste of alcohol. Everyone has personal tastes; I don't like spicy food. There are others that will drink but not drink to excess because they don't enjoy wasting a day to a hangover. I'm pretty sure they're not trying to pull the wool over my eyes. Most importantly, there are also those who are actual alcoholics, for whom alcohol interferes with their physical and mental health, together with their ability to make progress towards their life goals. If you can't trust someone because they stopped making a bad choice, I'm not sure what you're looking for in a person. Personally I'm happy when someone stops a destructive action. Arguing that you can't trust someone that doesn't drink is anachronistic and founded on specious reasoning. Most people drink and some don't. I can't assume that someone's sobriety or desire to stay in control (they may just be a control freak) is a sign they're trying to hide their true selves from me, because that just doesn't make sense. For some people drinking is fun and cool, but for others it's unpleasant, destructive, irresponsible, and distressing. * I'm going to interpret a "fake front" as the intention to maliciously misrepresent and deceive for some sort of personal gain at a loss to someone else.

k__ 11y ago
Hehe. It's a big step to admit that your knowledge in human nature is just bad. The most wrong decisions I have seen were made because people thought they knew other people better than they actually did.

scotty79 11y ago

We had a saying in socialist/communist Poland. Who doesn't drink is a rat (informant). Of course lots of informants were drinking, because alcohol is not magic honesty elixir that makes you go against your vital interests. It just makes you less restrained in pursuing what you want and not remember it.