5 ms·

I failed a job interview recently where the interviewer seemed much less comfortable than me with eye contact. He was fidgeting constantly and only briefly look

I failed a job interview recently where the interviewer seemed much less comfortable than me with eye contact. He was fidgeting constantly and only briefly looking into my eyes and then quickly looking away. On the other hand, I remained confident, composed and was perfectly comfortable maintaining eye contact. On paper, the interview went great and I had no problems with the whiteboard questions or any of the other questions. However, his body language was clearly not vibing with mine. He may have felt I came off too aggressive and overconfident. For the record, I did not think it was confrontational, in fact the conversation itself was pretty easy going and fun as far as technical interviews go. I've been thinking about it and trying to come up with a way of calibrating my body language in the moment to make the other person more at ease. If anyone has any suggestions on reading, I'd love to hear them. I've read that FBI agent's book [1] since then and found it a little bit helpful, but nothing earthshattering. The author is more concerned with cracking/breaking people than making them comfortable. [1] http://www.amazon.com/What-Every-BODY-Saying-Speed-Reading/dp/0061438294 http://www.amazon.com/What-Every-BODY-Saying-Speed-Reading/d...

davorb 11y ago
Try mirroring his body language next time. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mirroring_(psychology) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mirroring_(psychology)
flycaliguy 11y ago
Definitely find a copy of Impro by Keith Johnstone. Most likely the source of the poster's improv games. Really a lot of great insight about status and how to play status like a game.
- sleazebreeze 11y ago
  This seems like a very unique book, thank you for the suggestion! I'll be reading this one for sure.
- akamaka 11y ago
  This book is so different from what I normally read that I would have never considered picking it up, but it seems to have only glowing reviews. Thanks for the suggestion!
- nmc 11y ago
  The Internet Archived has referenced this full scan of the book on PDF.yt: http://pdf.yt/d/KIkLrSPi_3lzPl5v http://pdf.yt/d/KIkLrSPi_3lzPl5v No idea how legal this is though, download at your own risk.
bootload 11y ago
"The author is more concerned with cracking/breaking people than making them comfortable." Incorrect. The author is retired FBI Agent, Joe Navarro, [0] an expert on reading and interpreting non-verbal body language. One of the cornerstone of non-verbals, explained in WEBIS, is the comfort/discomfort paradigm. [1],[2] Is a person comfortable? Why not? Is there a mismatch between verbal communication and non-verbal actions? This is where rapport comes in, the ability to make someone feel at ease and something taught by the FBI when interviewing. They don't "break" people, they charm them by putting them at ease, let them drop their guard and inquire further. The earth shattering point of WEBIS is everybody exhibits these body language responses and I consider it to be a sort of human response API regardless of country, age or sex. As for eye contact. Hold too little contact and you appear submissive. Too much and you may be signalling to another person you are aggressive. [0] backgrounder by Octavio Blanco "This former FBI spy hunter fled Cuba at age 9" ~ http://money.cnn.com/2015/10/27/news/economy/joe-navarro-cuban-refugee-fbi/ http://money.cnn.com/2015/10/27/news/economy/joe-navarro-cub... [1] Navarro, 2007. [2] read Charles Fifield, "Setting the Sale Through Persuasive Communication" http://www.baylor.edu/business/kellercenter/news.php?action=story&story=158003 http://www.baylor.edu/business/kellercenter/news.php?action=...
- sleazebreeze 11y ago
  Thanks for the links, I'm reading them now. I appreciate the informative correction to my previous post. I confess I must have misread his points because many of the stories are about criminal interrogations (although there are plenty of business stories too). I just bought his other book Louder Than Words and I will be reading that looking for the charm/rapport aspect instead of "breaking".
- kingkawn 11y ago
  This kind of analysis feels flawed because people from different cultures have different body language.
  - andrewflnr 11y ago
    There are differences, but there are also some [near-]universals. Have you read the book?
kingkawn 11y ago
If someone is uncomfortable with eye contact I try to make less of it while still being engaged in listening.
brudgers 11y ago
From the description, I would not be surprised if the cause for the interviewer's behavior was that the decision had already been made to hire someone else. Eye contact patterns, if they have significance, probably reflect some internal state, e.g. confidence.

davorb 11y ago

Try mirroring his body language next time. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mirroring_(psychology) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mirroring_(psychology)

flycaliguy 11y ago

Definitely find a copy of Impro by Keith Johnstone. Most likely the source of the poster's improv games. Really a lot of great insight about status and how to play status like a game.

sleazebreeze 11y ago
This seems like a very unique book, thank you for the suggestion! I'll be reading this one for sure.
akamaka 11y ago
This book is so different from what I normally read that I would have never considered picking it up, but it seems to have only glowing reviews. Thanks for the suggestion!
nmc 11y ago
The Internet Archived has referenced this full scan of the book on PDF.yt: http://pdf.yt/d/KIkLrSPi_3lzPl5v http://pdf.yt/d/KIkLrSPi_3lzPl5v No idea how legal this is though, download at your own risk.

bootload 11y ago

"The author is more concerned with cracking/breaking people than making them comfortable." Incorrect. The author is retired FBI Agent, Joe Navarro, [0] an expert on reading and interpreting non-verbal body language. One of the cornerstone of non-verbals, explained in WEBIS, is the comfort/discomfort paradigm. [1],[2] Is a person comfortable? Why not? Is there a mismatch between verbal communication and non-verbal actions? This is where rapport comes in, the ability to make someone feel at ease and something taught by the FBI when interviewing. They don't "break" people, they charm them by putting them at ease, let them drop their guard and inquire further. The earth shattering point of WEBIS is everybody exhibits these body language responses and I consider it to be a sort of human response API regardless of country, age or sex. As for eye contact. Hold too little contact and you appear submissive. Too much and you may be signalling to another person you are aggressive. [0] backgrounder by Octavio Blanco "This former FBI spy hunter fled Cuba at age 9" ~ http://money.cnn.com/2015/10/27/news/economy/joe-navarro-cuban-refugee-fbi/ http://money.cnn.com/2015/10/27/news/economy/joe-navarro-cub... [1] Navarro, 2007. [2] read Charles Fifield, "Setting the Sale Through Persuasive Communication" http://www.baylor.edu/business/kellercenter/news.php?action=story&story=158003 http://www.baylor.edu/business/kellercenter/news.php?action=...

sleazebreeze 11y ago
Thanks for the links, I'm reading them now. I appreciate the informative correction to my previous post. I confess I must have misread his points because many of the stories are about criminal interrogations (although there are plenty of business stories too). I just bought his other book Louder Than Words and I will be reading that looking for the charm/rapport aspect instead of "breaking".
kingkawn 11y ago
This kind of analysis feels flawed because people from different cultures have different body language.
- andrewflnr 11y ago
  There are differences, but there are also some [near-]universals. Have you read the book?

kingkawn 11y ago

If someone is uncomfortable with eye contact I try to make less of it while still being engaged in listening.

brudgers 11y ago

From the description, I would not be surprised if the cause for the interviewer's behavior was that the decision had already been made to hire someone else. Eye contact patterns, if they have significance, probably reflect some internal state, e.g. confidence.