I'll add in response to the grandparent, that I don't get "upset". And I can enjoy such situations that are genuinely in good humor. I recall for example game

I'll add in response to the grandparent, that I don't get "upset". And I can enjoy such situations that are genuinely in good humor. I recall for example game nights with a nice group of people, where there is good humor over winning and losing but no malice and no jealousy. But I also recall other settings -- settings where often participation is mandatory in an unspoken way if not through explicit policy -- where such activities are anything but. It seems to be an extension of attitudes that e.g. always seek to qualify someone else's success in a manner that relates to and boosts the ego of the observer/commenter. What this mostly makes me, is tired. Very tired. It doesn't feel productive, useful, nor terribly interesting. So, sort of back to the original post that started this thread. More than once, I have helped a friend to "game" such contests and exchanges. The friend who, through collaboration, won the cuckoo clock while I got the runner-up Swiss Army knife. The other friend who won the telescope by combining our credits and shutting down potential competition with a somewhat shocking initial high (but not higher than the bidding might/likely would have gone) bid. I also registered, with some discomfort, the shock and varying degrees of chagrin I registered coming from the other participants. Just like every "victory" at work had some asking, "How and why did he get that." Even though I always, invariably tried to be the helpful one -- even towards them. A "team player." I don't like such games in such settings, because they too often bring up shades of such divisiveness. And they are promoted by a culture and leadership that is all too busy winning at the larger, economic game. (Another year of "cost freezes"...) Such zero sum gain scenarios, I guess, simply do not interest nor engage me. Even if I can "win", they can prove unmotivating. I can and do try to change the tone. E.g. joking and engaging in (genuine) good cheer, even at my own minor discomfort. But the larger context out of which the divisiveness springs, can prove overwhelming. Whereupon, I'd rather not engage. Not even, nor especially, in an Ersatz Spiel of secret Santa.