5 ms·

I'm very much in this category of depression. I have what is unfortunately termed 'melancholic depression'. I should note that I'm very sceptical of the DSM 'di

by spangry 11y ago

I'm very much in this category of depression. I have what is unfortunately termed 'melancholic depression'. I should note that I'm very sceptical of the DSM 'disease model' of mental illness, and am glad to see psychiatry and neuroscience beginning to converge. 'Discrete disease' is a poor abstraction for most mental illnesses. A better term for my kind of depression would be 'endogenous depression' (i.e. depression that comes from within). I have an objectively good life: I have a family that loves me, friends that care about me, and a job that I enjoy with colleagues I respect. Yet I still have episodes where I sometimes can't get out of bed, or can't bring myself to leave the house. A couple of months ago I spent three days just sitting (and occasionally sleeping) in a chair, not even getting up to eat or shower. I just simply couldn't do it. While it's true that people can experience temporary depressive episodes due to 'exogenous' factors (e.g. the death of a loved one), it is very different to 'endogenous' depression, and requires different types of treatment. While talk therapy and time can be very helpful for people to work through difficult and temporary 'adverse circumstances', it is of little help for endogenous/biological depression. No amount of 'talk therapy' can convince my pre-frontal cortex to operate within 'normal' parameters or to get my brain to produce appropriate quantities of neurotransmitters like serotonin, dopamine and noradrenaline. I'm reasonably sure this is a chronic illness that I will never be rid of (as I've learned from 15 years of failed treatment attempts). On the upside, there's a good chance that there is some treatment out there, coupled with sustained lifestyle changes, that will allow me to stave off the symptoms so that I can live a relatively 'normal' life. In some ways it's similar to how type 1 diabetics can survive and live normal lives with regular injections of insulin.

cpncrunch 11y ago
If you don't mind me asking, is there anything you can identify in the days/weeks before you become depressed, such as working long hours for a long period, boring work, excessive negative emotions, etc. It's not that I don't believe your depression is endogenous, I'm just curious. I was in a similar position to you until I looked closely at my life and identified the factors that were causing my depression/CFS.
Abraln 11y ago
It does get pretty tiring explaining the difference between them. Mine is definitely biologically based, although stress exacerbates it like it does many other things like acne. My "eureka" moment came in high school (when brain chemistry changes from puberty can cause such issues). I was at home playing video games online with friends when I noticed my vision was blurry. I went to the bathroom and saw tears streaming down my face, which baffled me as my conscious thoughts were in no way sad/negative at the time. There was just an underlying feeling of heartache. Over the next 4-5 years I worked with a professional and finally managed to find a drug combo that balances me out. I still get sad, but only for logical reasons, and only as much as I used to before my symptoms developed. It has been a full year for me now without any "episodes", something I had not thought possible previously. I just figured I would share this in case someone else might benefit from reading it.
- cpncrunch 11y ago
  A lot of the time with depression there is no logical "reason" for it, and no negative thoughts at the time. For example: - running multiple ultramarathons with too little rest can cause depression, even if you love it. - working very hard in a job you like with too little sleep for a long time can cause depression. In both cases it's likely your brain it just telling you that you're pushing too hard. Some people -- like me -- find it easier to get into these mental overdrive situations, and some people might be more likely to suffer depression from the same stressors, but ultimately it seems to be the same factors at work.
curun1r 11y ago
Your description sounds pretty similar to my condition. I've tried SSRIs and they, to some extent, worked. But while they allowed me to reliably function, they caused a numbness in all non-physical sensations that made life seem meaningless, so I stopped taking them. What has worked a bit lately has been meditation. I'm starting to believe that my depression is caused by my mind not switching off properly and meditation is a sort of off switch. The nice part about meditation is there's really no down side and you don't really have to summon the energy to do it. If you're catatonic in a chair, just start focusing on your breath and trying to clear your mind of other thoughts. I don't want to be preachy...one thing I've come to realize from many online discussions with other people suffering from depression is that almost every case is unique in some way and that the mental health community's efforts to try to group together what we're feeling into a single problem with prescribed courses of treatment is probably counterproductive. People believe that because they've experienced depression, either first- or second-hand, that they understand what all depression is like...astazangasta's comment is an example of this. I try not to be one of those people, so what I'm offering is a suggestion, not an answer. My depression is by no means fixed, but meditation has helped me. It's one datapoint in case you want to try it.

by spangry 11y ago

cpncrunch 11y ago

If you don't mind me asking, is there anything you can identify in the days/weeks before you become depressed, such as working long hours for a long period, boring work, excessive negative emotions, etc. It's not that I don't believe your depression is endogenous, I'm just curious. I was in a similar position to you until I looked closely at my life and identified the factors that were causing my depression/CFS.

Abraln 11y ago

It does get pretty tiring explaining the difference between them. Mine is definitely biologically based, although stress exacerbates it like it does many other things like acne. My "eureka" moment came in high school (when brain chemistry changes from puberty can cause such issues). I was at home playing video games online with friends when I noticed my vision was blurry. I went to the bathroom and saw tears streaming down my face, which baffled me as my conscious thoughts were in no way sad/negative at the time. There was just an underlying feeling of heartache. Over the next 4-5 years I worked with a professional and finally managed to find a drug combo that balances me out. I still get sad, but only for logical reasons, and only as much as I used to before my symptoms developed. It has been a full year for me now without any "episodes", something I had not thought possible previously. I just figured I would share this in case someone else might benefit from reading it.

cpncrunch 11y ago
A lot of the time with depression there is no logical "reason" for it, and no negative thoughts at the time. For example: - running multiple ultramarathons with too little rest can cause depression, even if you love it. - working very hard in a job you like with too little sleep for a long time can cause depression. In both cases it's likely your brain it just telling you that you're pushing too hard. Some people -- like me -- find it easier to get into these mental overdrive situations, and some people might be more likely to suffer depression from the same stressors, but ultimately it seems to be the same factors at work.

curun1r 11y ago

Your description sounds pretty similar to my condition. I've tried SSRIs and they, to some extent, worked. But while they allowed me to reliably function, they caused a numbness in all non-physical sensations that made life seem meaningless, so I stopped taking them. What has worked a bit lately has been meditation. I'm starting to believe that my depression is caused by my mind not switching off properly and meditation is a sort of off switch. The nice part about meditation is there's really no down side and you don't really have to summon the energy to do it. If you're catatonic in a chair, just start focusing on your breath and trying to clear your mind of other thoughts. I don't want to be preachy...one thing I've come to realize from many online discussions with other people suffering from depression is that almost every case is unique in some way and that the mental health community's efforts to try to group together what we're feeling into a single problem with prescribed courses of treatment is probably counterproductive. People believe that because they've experienced depression, either first- or second-hand, that they understand what all depression is like...astazangasta's comment is an example of this. I try not to be one of those people, so what I'm offering is a suggestion, not an answer. My depression is by no means fixed, but meditation has helped me. It's one datapoint in case you want to try it.