4 ms·

> If a female is attracted to the guy, things he says or does are considered "cute", "flirtatious", and/or "interesting". > If not, the same actions are often

by zeveb 11y ago

> If a female is attracted to the guy, things he says or does are considered "cute", "flirtatious", and/or "interesting". > If not, the same actions are often considered "creepy", "jerkish", and yes even "sexist". In my experience, the exact same thing is true with the sexes switched: behaviour which I find attractive in a woman I find attractive is awful in a woman I don't find attractive. I think this is probably a universal constant: we all appreciate it when someone we'd like to get closer to gets closer to us, and we all are at the very best neutral when someone we don't wish to get closer to, moves closer in. It's not even sexual: who hasn't experienced the phenomenon of the bore at a party who just. won't. go. away?

logfromblammo 11y ago
On the other other side of the coin, as I know myself to be physically unattractive and boring, if anyone approaches me at all, that's automatically suspicious behavior, whether I find their appearance to be pleasing or not. If an attractive person approaches me, that's a honeypot for sure. Or a crazy. Maybe so drunk that a trip to the hospital might be warranted. Perhaps they're soliciting donations for charity. Possibly someone triple-dog dared them to talk to me. I immediately wonder what the ulterior motive is. That makes it easy to not be sexist. The probability of any sort of romantic relationship with any given stranger is effectively zero, therefore it doesn't matter what they are. And I try not to inflict myself on others at parties. Or on the party venue. Or anywhere in public, really. If you think it's hard talking to an ugly bore, it's far worse being one. We can tell that you want us to go away. We're not oblivious to the repellent body language. We just have to ignore it sometimes, because otherwise we'd never get to talk to anybody. Sorry for being creepy, or jerky, or whatever. From the lips of Lord Farquaad, we know that it's already rude enough being alive when no one wants you. So thanks for being polite enough to not just look disgusted and walk away when we start talking. Because that's a thing that actually happens.
JDiculous 11y ago
I disagree. Most men if approached by an awkward unattractive woman at a bar will at least be polite and have a normal conversation even if they're not interested. Whereas women will often outright ignore or even act hostile towards an awkward unattractive man trying to strike a conversation. Men are expected to treat women courteously, whereas women aren't held to the same standard. A woman can treat a man like a disposable garbage bag and it doesn't have the same stigma as a man doing the same to a woman.
- LesZedCB 11y ago
  Citation needed. Your assertion is completely baseless. Even in the event where it was in fact true, altering your behavior towards the person based on your expectation of what they might do based on statistics is the very mode of sexism.
  - Chris2048 11y ago
    > altering your behavior towards the person based on your expectation of what they might do based on statistics is the very mode of sexism ??? Can you unwrap that a bit...
  - JDiculous 11y ago
    > Citation needed. Your assertion is completely baseless. If it was baseless, then I wouldn't be bringing it up. I can't count how many times me or a friend has said "hi" to a girl at a bar/club only to be flat out ignored and even treated hostilely and told to "fuck off" (or something of that vein). On the other hand, I've never witnessed a female friend of mine being treated like that for saying hi to a stranger. I realize that anecdotes are just anecdotes. But I'm sure you can find YouTube videos of what I'm talking about.
- deleted 11y ago
  [deleted]
- drumdance 11y ago
  > A woman can treat a man like a disposable garbage bag I always hear people bring this up and I've never actually seen it unless the guy is overly aggressive (i.e. grabbing her ass). And if the guy is awkward women treat him with pity, not hostility.
  - JDiculous 11y ago
    https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=10764099 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=10764099
- chongli 11y ago

by zeveb 11y ago

logfromblammo 11y ago

On the other other side of the coin, as I know myself to be physically unattractive and boring, if anyone approaches me at all, that's automatically suspicious behavior, whether I find their appearance to be pleasing or not. If an attractive person approaches me, that's a honeypot for sure. Or a crazy. Maybe so drunk that a trip to the hospital might be warranted. Perhaps they're soliciting donations for charity. Possibly someone triple-dog dared them to talk to me. I immediately wonder what the ulterior motive is. That makes it easy to not be sexist. The probability of any sort of romantic relationship with any given stranger is effectively zero, therefore it doesn't matter what they are. And I try not to inflict myself on others at parties. Or on the party venue. Or anywhere in public, really. If you think it's hard talking to an ugly bore, it's far worse being one. We can tell that you want us to go away. We're not oblivious to the repellent body language. We just have to ignore it sometimes, because otherwise we'd never get to talk to anybody. Sorry for being creepy, or jerky, or whatever. From the lips of Lord Farquaad, we know that it's already rude enough being alive when no one wants you. So thanks for being polite enough to not just look disgusted and walk away when we start talking. Because that's a thing that actually happens.

JDiculous 11y ago

I disagree. Most men if approached by an awkward unattractive woman at a bar will at least be polite and have a normal conversation even if they're not interested. Whereas women will often outright ignore or even act hostile towards an awkward unattractive man trying to strike a conversation. Men are expected to treat women courteously, whereas women aren't held to the same standard. A woman can treat a man like a disposable garbage bag and it doesn't have the same stigma as a man doing the same to a woman.

LesZedCB 11y ago
Citation needed. Your assertion is completely baseless. Even in the event where it was in fact true, altering your behavior towards the person based on your expectation of what they might do based on statistics is the very mode of sexism.
- Chris2048 11y ago
  > altering your behavior towards the person based on your expectation of what they might do based on statistics is the very mode of sexism ??? Can you unwrap that a bit...
- JDiculous 11y ago
  > Citation needed. Your assertion is completely baseless. If it was baseless, then I wouldn't be bringing it up. I can't count how many times me or a friend has said "hi" to a girl at a bar/club only to be flat out ignored and even treated hostilely and told to "fuck off" (or something of that vein). On the other hand, I've never witnessed a female friend of mine being treated like that for saying hi to a stranger. I realize that anecdotes are just anecdotes. But I'm sure you can find YouTube videos of what I'm talking about.
deleted 11y ago
[deleted]
drumdance 11y ago
> A woman can treat a man like a disposable garbage bag I always hear people bring this up and I've never actually seen it unless the guy is overly aggressive (i.e. grabbing her ass). And if the guy is awkward women treat him with pity, not hostility.
- JDiculous 11y ago
  https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=10764099 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=10764099
chongli 11y ago