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"...we inadvertently make our friends feel like losers and contribute to a swirling vortex of envy, in which we ourselves risk drowning." I always had the feel

by kartan 11y ago

"...we inadvertently make our friends feel like losers and contribute to a swirling vortex of envy, in which we ourselves risk drowning." I always had the feeling that this attitude is worst in the United States than in other places. I guess that it is related to the way society tries to categorize others as winners/losers instead of looking at life as a shadow of greys. And how it blames people for being poor instead of taking into account different circumstances. (But, of course, is not an USA only problem) If you want to be happier on-line and off-line stop looking at others with envy and begin to look them for inspiration. Have they meaningful lives? How can I improve mine? If being connected to social networks makes you unhappy disconnecting is the right thing to do. But if envy is what makes you disconnect then your problem is also off-line and sooner or later you will need to get over it if you want to be realised and happy.

isleyaardvark 11y ago
This passage from Slaugterhouse Five has really stuck with me: >America is the wealthiest nation on Earth, but its people are mainly poor, and poor Americans are urged to hate themselves. To quote the American humorist Kin Hubbard, 'It ain’t no disgrace to be poor, but it might as well be.' It is in fact a crime for an American to be poor, even though America is a nation of poor. Every other nation has folk traditions of men who were poor but extremely wise and virtuous, and therefore more estimable than anyone with power and gold. No such tales are told by the American poor. They mock themselves and glorify their betters. The meanest eating or drinking establishment, owned by a man who is himself poor, is very likely to have a sign on its wall asking this cruel question: 'if you’re so smart, why ain’t you rich?' http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/158414-america-is-the-wealthiest-nation-on-earth-but-its-people http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/158414-america-is-the-wealth...
unclebucknasty 11y ago
>envy is what makes you disconnect then your problem is also off-line and sooner or later you will need to get over it if you want to be realised and happy. While I somewhat agree with this in spirit, the truth of it is that our well-being is a relative proposition. We are social creatures, living within a social construct. Hence, even in your suggestion that we look to others to ask whether they have meaningful lives and seek inspiration from them, you are encouraging people to measure themselves against others. But that begs the question that is the subject of this article. The notion that others have more meaningful lives is itself skewed by Facebook. So, viewed through that lens, nothing I do will make my life as meaningful as it "should" be. And, this need not have anything to do with the typical negative connotation of envy--that is, jealousy--in order to be harmful. I can be genuinely happy for the success I perceive in others, while simultaneously receiving the message that my own life is lacking.
- kartan 11y ago
  > our well-being is a relative proposition Yes. But you can change the framework you work with. You can relativize the situation (e.g. take into account that some one had a better starting position in life than you). You can compare different things (e.g. wealth vs wisdom). Even you can compare agains worst scenarios instead of ideal situations. To be happy at all costs will be delusional. But I believe that to achieve small goals, to move forward to the person that you want to be should improve your well-being. > nothing I do will make my life as meaningful as it "should" be If you change "should" by "can" then I agree. We never will achieve our "full potential" as seen on some not-so-good self-help books. Because that is unrealistic. We will make mistakes. We will change goals. That idealised state is no achievable but I think that having it as a moving target is helpful. > typical negative connotation of envy--that is, jealousy--in order to be harmful Agree. I made a bad use of words. I meant jealousy. > I can be genuinely happy for the success I perceive in others, while simultaneously receiving the message that my own life is lacking. I agree. And that's a good thing about comparisons. You can find things that you lack and you can try to achieve them.

by kartan 11y ago

isleyaardvark 11y ago

This passage from Slaugterhouse Five has really stuck with me: >America is the wealthiest nation on Earth, but its people are mainly poor, and poor Americans are urged to hate themselves. To quote the American humorist Kin Hubbard, 'It ain’t no disgrace to be poor, but it might as well be.' It is in fact a crime for an American to be poor, even though America is a nation of poor. Every other nation has folk traditions of men who were poor but extremely wise and virtuous, and therefore more estimable than anyone with power and gold. No such tales are told by the American poor. They mock themselves and glorify their betters. The meanest eating or drinking establishment, owned by a man who is himself poor, is very likely to have a sign on its wall asking this cruel question: 'if you’re so smart, why ain’t you rich?' http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/158414-america-is-the-wealthiest-nation-on-earth-but-its-people http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/158414-america-is-the-wealth...

unclebucknasty 11y ago

>envy is what makes you disconnect then your problem is also off-line and sooner or later you will need to get over it if you want to be realised and happy. While I somewhat agree with this in spirit, the truth of it is that our well-being is a relative proposition. We are social creatures, living within a social construct. Hence, even in your suggestion that we look to others to ask whether they have meaningful lives and seek inspiration from them, you are encouraging people to measure themselves against others. But that begs the question that is the subject of this article. The notion that others have more meaningful lives is itself skewed by Facebook. So, viewed through that lens, nothing I do will make my life as meaningful as it "should" be. And, this need not have anything to do with the typical negative connotation of envy--that is, jealousy--in order to be harmful. I can be genuinely happy for the success I perceive in others, while simultaneously receiving the message that my own life is lacking.

kartan 11y ago
> our well-being is a relative proposition Yes. But you can change the framework you work with. You can relativize the situation (e.g. take into account that some one had a better starting position in life than you). You can compare different things (e.g. wealth vs wisdom). Even you can compare agains worst scenarios instead of ideal situations. To be happy at all costs will be delusional. But I believe that to achieve small goals, to move forward to the person that you want to be should improve your well-being. > nothing I do will make my life as meaningful as it "should" be If you change "should" by "can" then I agree. We never will achieve our "full potential" as seen on some not-so-good self-help books. Because that is unrealistic. We will make mistakes. We will change goals. That idealised state is no achievable but I think that having it as a moving target is helpful. > typical negative connotation of envy--that is, jealousy--in order to be harmful Agree. I made a bad use of words. I meant jealousy. > I can be genuinely happy for the success I perceive in others, while simultaneously receiving the message that my own life is lacking. I agree. And that's a good thing about comparisons. You can find things that you lack and you can try to achieve them.