5 ms·

my parents tried hard (real, real hard) to get me to play tennis and piano, and refused to let me spend as much time on the computer as i wanted to. guess whic

my parents tried hard (real, real hard) to get me to play tennis and piano, and refused to let me spend as much time on the computer as i wanted to. guess which i did at 2 in the morning while they were asleep? guess which i dropped like a bad habit as soon as i left the house? and this was in the 90s, when dot com mania was at its height. newsflash: parents live vicariously through their kids and project all sorts of desires onto them, and it almost never turns out well (i went through a real trouble period that i attribute to their parenting style). seems like a lot of people just forget this once they have children. it must be biological because you can't explain it otherwise - these are smart people that do this. my parents are both highly educated with graduate degrees. (or.. maybe that explains it)

Verdex_Alt 11y ago
I think there are two things at play here. The first is that people are predisposed to love and take care of their children (and there's a bunch of associated brain chemistry that helps with that). And the second is that there exist people who don't understand that not everyone is interested in the thing that they are interested in. [This second one seems to be completely uncorrelated with intelligence ... as far as I can tell. Maybe a personality spectrum thing?] Anyway. If you mix the two together you get people who insist that their children must be exactly like them because otherwise their children would be doomed and that would be unthinkable. More intelligence (and/or forceful personality / competence) may make the problem worse because clearly you know what you're doing (after all you can describe the thing with such great an articulate words) the problem must be this ungrateful child that doesn't know you're paving a golden path.
ashark 11y ago
I have a theory that you'll have a very hard time teaching your kids to be into something if you're not. Kids whose parents play a sport on the weekends or who play music regularly are probably more likely to stick with those things, at least recreationally[1]. Eat your veggies (which probably means you're cooking tasty veggie dishes) and your kids will. Even values, like "learning is important" may work like this. Bet they'll study better if they see you learning new things, watching you struggle and gradually gain understanding and skills. "Reading is super important!" says parent who only reads instruction manuals, Facebook, and (maybe) garbage fiction. "You will practice the piano!" says parent who hasn't played a note on an instrument since high school. "Get your ass out of bed and to tennis practice!" says parent who wheezes going up a flight of stairs. "Math is vital to your future success!" says parent who can count the times they've used anything past 8th grade math as an adult on one hand. Show, don't tell, I guess. [1] Nearly of people I've encountered who were serious amateur or part-time pro musicians came from families that played music, not families that played no music but insisted their kids take piano lessons, for example.

Verdex_Alt 11y ago

I think there are two things at play here. The first is that people are predisposed to love and take care of their children (and there's a bunch of associated brain chemistry that helps with that). And the second is that there exist people who don't understand that not everyone is interested in the thing that they are interested in. [This second one seems to be completely uncorrelated with intelligence ... as far as I can tell. Maybe a personality spectrum thing?] Anyway. If you mix the two together you get people who insist that their children must be exactly like them because otherwise their children would be doomed and that would be unthinkable. More intelligence (and/or forceful personality / competence) may make the problem worse because clearly you know what you're doing (after all you can describe the thing with such great an articulate words) the problem must be this ungrateful child that doesn't know you're paving a golden path.

ashark 11y ago

I have a theory that you'll have a very hard time teaching your kids to be into something if you're not. Kids whose parents play a sport on the weekends or who play music regularly are probably more likely to stick with those things, at least recreationally[1]. Eat your veggies (which probably means you're cooking tasty veggie dishes) and your kids will. Even values, like "learning is important" may work like this. Bet they'll study better if they see you learning new things, watching you struggle and gradually gain understanding and skills. "Reading is super important!" says parent who only reads instruction manuals, Facebook, and (maybe) garbage fiction. "You will practice the piano!" says parent who hasn't played a note on an instrument since high school. "Get your ass out of bed and to tennis practice!" says parent who wheezes going up a flight of stairs. "Math is vital to your future success!" says parent who can count the times they've used anything past 8th grade math as an adult on one hand. Show, don't tell, I guess. [1] Nearly of people I've encountered who were serious amateur or part-time pro musicians came from families that played music, not families that played no music but insisted their kids take piano lessons, for example.