4 ms·

Fully escaped? I've spoken openly of my 30 months sleeping rough on the streets of the UK. I may have "escaped" homelessness, but the mental scars accumulated

by buro9 11y ago

Fully escaped? I've spoken openly of my 30 months sleeping rough on the streets of the UK. I may have "escaped" homelessness, but the mental scars accumulated whilst on the street do still haunt me. I feel it, the sense of worthlessness, the self-doubt. There's a feeling that I shouldn't be alive let alone here in this workplace or surrounded by good people, a feeling that I don't quite belong. One can put a roof over one's head, get a job, that leads to a career, obtain an income that is above-average... but can one truly escape something as traumatic as being homeless for any sustained period of time (covering 1 Winter at least)? I'm less sure on that. I live in the hope that I'm wrong. And of course, Christmas comes around and people return to family and those who don't are the waifs and strays, an annual reminder that we're not the same.

exhomeless 11y ago
Personally, yes I think I have fully escaped. It's been 16 years since then, and I see my scars as a personal trophy of sorts - a motivator on what I can accomplish if I set my mind to it. It wasn't always like this - but it's what I have conditioned myself to do after the traumas that I have endured related and unrelated to the homelessness. I hope that you are working to get past any demons that haunt you - you deserve it, everyone does.
RyJones 11y ago
I haven't lived in my car since 92 or so and I still notice nice places to park where the police won't bug me.
- buro9 11y ago
  I still notice ways into building sites, where I know the site office will be unlocked and there will be a small electric heater and a kettle. A safe place, providing I get out around 5am.
DanBC 11y ago
May I ask: What would have helped? And what would help now? Homeless people and people who are vulnerably housed in the UK have pretty lousy treatment from "services", a lot of which is provided by faith and voluntary groups. There are huge amounts of stigma, and a lot of misunderstanding of alcoholism and drug use and mental illness.
- buro9 11y ago
  Small, safe spaces. That is... I went onto the streets to escape poverty, violence and sexual abuse. For me a hostel was not a safe space, so I didn't even successfully make it onto the first rung of support. It was hostels that distributed information on where to get food and such, so I missed that too. So there needs to be a better support system for those sleeping rough, and that needs to recognise the flaws in the offerings today and also find better ways to distribute information. Then, I've made the argument before that we should have a better way to migrate someone off of the street. It's not enough to give a council flat, someone I knew at that time eventually committed suicide because he couldn't cope, fell apart, and suffered from the isolation. I think instead of that, there should be spaces smaller than a studio apartment that are transition spaces. They should be private, but perhaps clustered so that there is a support network there. People should be given help on how to do things, simple things like how to shop and eat better, how to take care of a home and manage the utilities and bills, how to basically live normally again and construct those routines. How to not shrink into that space and be alone. I did meet a lot of people with mental illnesses, I don't believe anyone can wave a magic wand and get them off the streets. But we can have the structure in place to help them so that when they are ready, it's possible. The vast majority of the people on the streets in the UK aren't there because of drugs and alcohol, that's just a visible symptom of a small minority. Most I spoke to had normal lives, good lives, but a trauma occurred and they ended up on the street. There seemed to be a lot of divorced or widowed males. A lot of the young who were physically and/or sexually abused. Anyhow, a link http://crackandcider.com/ http://crackandcider.com/ . These people are good, it's no magic wand, but they will take monetary donations and turn it into basic things to help keep people warm and alive even if they are rough-sleeping. I like that they're challenging those misconceptions too.
  - tene 11y ago
    One thing I'm curious about, if you're willing to share, is what makes hostels and shelters unsafe. There are several people on here who mention hostels or shelters not being safe for them, and I've never quite understood what would cause that, given that the entire point of a shelter is to offer a safe space, isn't it? What are the common failings there? What makes the safety of a shelter vary between different people?
eternalban 11y ago
Are you seeing a therapist?
- buro9 11y ago
  No, she's a film lecturer. Jokes aside, really I've found the best method for handling what has happened in life is just to share openly and honestly with others, which is what I've done here as well. I haven't personally found as much benefit from professional help as just sharing and reflecting.
  - eternalban 11y ago
    A good therapist will be that reflector. Also don't discount the value of sharing with a person who has seen pattern-x n-times. Further keep in mind that non-professionals will cuddle when perhaps a spank is in order. Wish you all the best and success and happiness.
deleted 11y ago
[deleted]
cerebrum 11y ago
I never was homeless but I hate christmas. Since I have a good career now I always travel to some warm place during christmas.
temphack 11y ago
I wasn't really homeless but when I was a teenager I struggled with food for some years. I mean, sometimes eating only once per 2 or 3 days. For weeks or months. I can say now I'm much better, maybe not part of the 1%, but surely part of the 2% :) But not fully escaped. They say hard times build character. That's true, but the physical and psychological sequels are with me for ever. Nobody should be that poor.
- buro9 11y ago
  That's what I mean. They become a part of your shadow, always with you. Sometimes you catch a glimpse and notice but for the most part we can forget about it... but it's there.
eli_gottlieb 11y ago
>There's a feeling that I shouldn't be alive let alone here in this workplace or surrounded by good people, a feeling that I don't quite belong. Funny. I've never been homeless, and that's how I feel a lot of the time.

by buro9 11y ago

exhomeless 11y ago

Personally, yes I think I have fully escaped. It's been 16 years since then, and I see my scars as a personal trophy of sorts - a motivator on what I can accomplish if I set my mind to it. It wasn't always like this - but it's what I have conditioned myself to do after the traumas that I have endured related and unrelated to the homelessness. I hope that you are working to get past any demons that haunt you - you deserve it, everyone does.

RyJones 11y ago

I haven't lived in my car since 92 or so and I still notice nice places to park where the police won't bug me.

buro9 11y ago
I still notice ways into building sites, where I know the site office will be unlocked and there will be a small electric heater and a kettle. A safe place, providing I get out around 5am.

DanBC 11y ago

May I ask: What would have helped? And what would help now? Homeless people and people who are vulnerably housed in the UK have pretty lousy treatment from "services", a lot of which is provided by faith and voluntary groups. There are huge amounts of stigma, and a lot of misunderstanding of alcoholism and drug use and mental illness.

buro9 11y ago
Small, safe spaces. That is... I went onto the streets to escape poverty, violence and sexual abuse. For me a hostel was not a safe space, so I didn't even successfully make it onto the first rung of support. It was hostels that distributed information on where to get food and such, so I missed that too. So there needs to be a better support system for those sleeping rough, and that needs to recognise the flaws in the offerings today and also find better ways to distribute information. Then, I've made the argument before that we should have a better way to migrate someone off of the street. It's not enough to give a council flat, someone I knew at that time eventually committed suicide because he couldn't cope, fell apart, and suffered from the isolation. I think instead of that, there should be spaces smaller than a studio apartment that are transition spaces. They should be private, but perhaps clustered so that there is a support network there. People should be given help on how to do things, simple things like how to shop and eat better, how to take care of a home and manage the utilities and bills, how to basically live normally again and construct those routines. How to not shrink into that space and be alone. I did meet a lot of people with mental illnesses, I don't believe anyone can wave a magic wand and get them off the streets. But we can have the structure in place to help them so that when they are ready, it's possible. The vast majority of the people on the streets in the UK aren't there because of drugs and alcohol, that's just a visible symptom of a small minority. Most I spoke to had normal lives, good lives, but a trauma occurred and they ended up on the street. There seemed to be a lot of divorced or widowed males. A lot of the young who were physically and/or sexually abused. Anyhow, a link http://crackandcider.com/ http://crackandcider.com/ . These people are good, it's no magic wand, but they will take monetary donations and turn it into basic things to help keep people warm and alive even if they are rough-sleeping. I like that they're challenging those misconceptions too.
- tene 11y ago
  One thing I'm curious about, if you're willing to share, is what makes hostels and shelters unsafe. There are several people on here who mention hostels or shelters not being safe for them, and I've never quite understood what would cause that, given that the entire point of a shelter is to offer a safe space, isn't it? What are the common failings there? What makes the safety of a shelter vary between different people?

eternalban 11y ago

Are you seeing a therapist?

buro9 11y ago
No, she's a film lecturer. Jokes aside, really I've found the best method for handling what has happened in life is just to share openly and honestly with others, which is what I've done here as well. I haven't personally found as much benefit from professional help as just sharing and reflecting.
- eternalban 11y ago
  A good therapist will be that reflector. Also don't discount the value of sharing with a person who has seen pattern-x n-times. Further keep in mind that non-professionals will cuddle when perhaps a spank is in order. Wish you all the best and success and happiness.

deleted 11y ago

[deleted]

cerebrum 11y ago

I never was homeless but I hate christmas. Since I have a good career now I always travel to some warm place during christmas.

temphack 11y ago

I wasn't really homeless but when I was a teenager I struggled with food for some years. I mean, sometimes eating only once per 2 or 3 days. For weeks or months. I can say now I'm much better, maybe not part of the 1%, but surely part of the 2% :) But not fully escaped. They say hard times build character. That's true, but the physical and psychological sequels are with me for ever. Nobody should be that poor.

buro9 11y ago
That's what I mean. They become a part of your shadow, always with you. Sometimes you catch a glimpse and notice but for the most part we can forget about it... but it's there.

eli_gottlieb 11y ago

>There's a feeling that I shouldn't be alive let alone here in this workplace or surrounded by good people, a feeling that I don't quite belong. Funny. I've never been homeless, and that's how I feel a lot of the time.