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> you have to first be able to express their position in a way that they agree represents their view. This habit is extremely powerful. There's no way to requ
by chillingeffect 11y ago
> you have to first be able to express their position in a way that they agree represents their view.
This habit is extremely powerful. There's no way to require people to do it, but people who do it, at least know the arguments of their opponents, are in such a better position to get what they want that people who don't are left standing, mouths open wondering what happened.
And it's extremely timely as just two weeks ago, President Obama gave this quote:
"I don't want you to think that a display of your strength is simply shutting other people up. And that part of your ability to bring about change is going to be by engagement and understanding the viewpoints and the arguments of the other side."
People don't realize that college already is the safe place where they can develop the habits of empathy and conflict-management. Getting called "bitch" and seeing mice are the least of their problems. Those are going to happen in the real-world no matter what. College isn't a place to preserve themselves from these inevitable, superficial insults, it's a place to develop leadership, contribution and cooperation abilities to get big things done like feeding, improving, healing, leading the world, etc.
- mgr86 11y agoI agree it is powerful but it is also just effective communication. I try to do it a lot with my girlfriend on things we don't necessarily agree. I'll paraphrase her position to ensure that my response is correct. ...Sadly, that is sometimes met with "No, are you even listening". But hey, at least at that point she rewords it to get her point across.
- JackFr 11y agoI have an Aunt who thrives on disagreement -- and in particular, she will not let me agree with her. Some time ago I believe she irrevocably decided that our views are too different and we can never agree. I literally have had the exchange with her: "I completely agree with everything you just said." "Then you must have misunderstood me."
- chillingeffect 11y agoheya if you are talking about communicating with a woman - or rather feminine energy - sometimes it can be even easier than that! 95% - 99% of the time, feminine energy works out its problems through saying them out loud and being heard. (Masculine energy works out its problems by pondering in a man cave). So often, all you have to do is keep your lips closed and listen. It can be hard, but that's the way it works, by sometimes introducing an uncomfortable air. Your calm, attentive, silent response to the discomfort is how the energy is resolved. Shortly after the discomfort, you'll feel a mood change and when she says, "Thank you for listening!!" you'll often get a big hug. I sincerely hope this helps you and everyone else big time.
- johnny22 11y agosarcasm?
- chillingeffect 11y agoNo, not at all. It's something I learned from Corey Wayne [1], a dating and success coach. He says only 3% of men really understand women. Judging from my downvotes, he's right. Although I really hoped the population here would be skewed toward top-tier social skills or at least receptive. But I don't care about the down votes... Everything I quoted from Corey Wayne is working out extremely well for me. I'm miles beyond my previous relationships before I discovered his material. [1] https://www.youtube.com/user/coachcoreywayne https://www.youtube.com/user/coachcoreywayne