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I like it, similar to what they do in some pre-marital or marriage counseling sessions. One side lists a grievance, then before the other side responds they hav
by ohitsdom 11y ago
I like it, similar to what they do in some pre-marital or marriage counseling sessions. One side lists a grievance, then before the other side responds they have to repeat what they heard and get confirmation before responding. "So if I'm hearing you right, you don't like it when I... Did I understand correctly?"
It feels ridiculous when you do it at first but it becomes an incredibly helpful tool.
- kabdib 11y agoI use this all the time. "You want to add feature X because ..." ... and then, once we've clarified what the request is all about, and I'm sure about what's going on, only then can you move in to help, offer advice, or crush their souls with a series of devastating blows. No, don't do the latter. Show your side of the story and get them to say it out loud. "Okay, you're right, putting a Perl 6 interpreter in the interrupt handlers of the network stack does sound kind of crazy now." Doing this makes you a lot easier to work with, or at least that is the perception. :-)
- fluxquanta 11y agoWhile I definitely agree this doesn't always work because ego gets involved, at least in my experience. Stating what you understand the situation or question to be back to the other party can often be interpreted as a challenge of their personal judgement on something that should be considered objectively.
- kabdib 11y agoPresentation is everything here. Be humble. It's not Machiavellian if you're really trying to understand. Letting someone fail is often good, too...