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What's wrong with, "As a listener, it's very distracting; moreso than you might think. You need to kick that habit to be an effective public speaker."? It's ent

What's wrong with, "As a listener, it's very distracting; moreso than you might think. You need to kick that habit to be an effective public speaker."? It's entirely possible to be candid without putting another person (your direct report, even!) down.

33W 11y ago
And this would have been a third attempt in the same vein. Kim may have then replied "Why does it matter if I am a good public speaker, the numbers were great!", in which case, you have to remove the last case of sugar coating and tell it how it is.
- jaredcwhite 11y ago
  The correct response to the hypothetical "Why does it matter if I am a good public speaker..." statement is "it matters if you are going to be giving presentations and doing public speaking", not "saying um a lot makes you seem stupid". I still can't imagine a world in which being that directly accusatory to an employee is a good way to help someone.
  - 33W 11y ago
    To which someone could respond "But my job isn't public speaking, it is doing X" where X is providing ads, making widgets, etc. No matter how many times you rephrase, you may hit a point where you just say "you sound stupid" or "you're not good at this job". In my opinion, the whole point of this talk is that giving honest feedback without tact is better than no feedback at all. If someone just doesn't get it when you say it diplomatically, just cut the fluff and say what you need to say.
- BorgHunter 11y ago
  But that isn't how it is. Someone who says "um" a lot while speaking doesn't sound stupid. They're grating, to many in the audience, but that doesn't reflect on the speaker's ability (except, obviously, their public speaking ability). That means the audience will be focusing on the speaker's verbal tics instead of the message that was intended, which is the root problem. The word "stupid" was intended to startle the employee into action by how rude it was. I mean, obviously, in this particular instance with this particular person, it was effective, and for all I know, the manager is a really sharp observer of her reports and knew this was the right approach in this situation. I don't think it's a good general approach, and I'm afraid people are going to take away the wrong thing from this article. It's not good managerial advice to say, "Tell your employees they sound stupid if they are bad public speakers!" It's better managerial advice to say, "Know your employees, and how each individual might be best motivated, and don't accept complacency." You have to be really careful when taking cues from drill sergeants, because for a lot of people, that approach will backfire horribly, and the message will be overshadowed by the delivery style.
  - mentat 11y ago
    I'm a bit confused at the certainty of your argument. There are many people who believe that someone saying "um" sounds stupid. Your absolute assertion to the opposite seems rather like "I don't think someone saying 'um' sounds stupid so this isn't a valid criticism". Are people going to hear critiques if they don't want to? The message getting through is what matters, that's a person by person problem. Saying something make someone sound stupid is certainly not "taking cues from drill sergeants".
  - 33W 11y ago
    On your first point, I agree that the message is most often overshadowed by delivery. But I also agree with mentat's point that at some point "um" can make the speaker sound stupid. > It's not good managerial advice to say, "Tell your employees they sound stupid if they are bad public speakers!" It's better managerial advice to say, "Know your employees, and how each individual might be best motivated, and don't accept complacency." I completely agree with this, and I got this from the article/video as well. In the "um" story, the manager tries twice to tell her in a nice way, offering to bring in a coach, etc, but she doesn't get it. Knowing her employee, she tells her that she sounds stupid and this works. Kim says in her talk that Sheryl had done several things to establish trust in their relationship previously, so she knew that this case was not a personal attack.

33W 11y ago

And this would have been a third attempt in the same vein. Kim may have then replied "Why does it matter if I am a good public speaker, the numbers were great!", in which case, you have to remove the last case of sugar coating and tell it how it is.

jaredcwhite 11y ago
The correct response to the hypothetical "Why does it matter if I am a good public speaker..." statement is "it matters if you are going to be giving presentations and doing public speaking", not "saying um a lot makes you seem stupid". I still can't imagine a world in which being that directly accusatory to an employee is a good way to help someone.
- 33W 11y ago
  To which someone could respond "But my job isn't public speaking, it is doing X" where X is providing ads, making widgets, etc. No matter how many times you rephrase, you may hit a point where you just say "you sound stupid" or "you're not good at this job". In my opinion, the whole point of this talk is that giving honest feedback without tact is better than no feedback at all. If someone just doesn't get it when you say it diplomatically, just cut the fluff and say what you need to say.
BorgHunter 11y ago
But that isn't how it is. Someone who says "um" a lot while speaking doesn't sound stupid. They're grating, to many in the audience, but that doesn't reflect on the speaker's ability (except, obviously, their public speaking ability). That means the audience will be focusing on the speaker's verbal tics instead of the message that was intended, which is the root problem. The word "stupid" was intended to startle the employee into action by how rude it was. I mean, obviously, in this particular instance with this particular person, it was effective, and for all I know, the manager is a really sharp observer of her reports and knew this was the right approach in this situation. I don't think it's a good general approach, and I'm afraid people are going to take away the wrong thing from this article. It's not good managerial advice to say, "Tell your employees they sound stupid if they are bad public speakers!" It's better managerial advice to say, "Know your employees, and how each individual might be best motivated, and don't accept complacency." You have to be really careful when taking cues from drill sergeants, because for a lot of people, that approach will backfire horribly, and the message will be overshadowed by the delivery style.
- mentat 11y ago
  I'm a bit confused at the certainty of your argument. There are many people who believe that someone saying "um" sounds stupid. Your absolute assertion to the opposite seems rather like "I don't think someone saying 'um' sounds stupid so this isn't a valid criticism". Are people going to hear critiques if they don't want to? The message getting through is what matters, that's a person by person problem. Saying something make someone sound stupid is certainly not "taking cues from drill sergeants".
- 33W 11y ago
  On your first point, I agree that the message is most often overshadowed by delivery. But I also agree with mentat's point that at some point "um" can make the speaker sound stupid. > It's not good managerial advice to say, "Tell your employees they sound stupid if they are bad public speakers!" It's better managerial advice to say, "Know your employees, and how each individual might be best motivated, and don't accept complacency." I completely agree with this, and I got this from the article/video as well. In the "um" story, the manager tries twice to tell her in a nice way, offering to bring in a coach, etc, but she doesn't get it. Knowing her employee, she tells her that she sounds stupid and this works. Kim says in her talk that Sheryl had done several things to establish trust in their relationship previously, so she knew that this case was not a personal attack.