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"Sandberg pushed forward, asking whether Scott’s ums were the result of nervousness. She even suggested that Google could hire a speaking coach to help. Still,

"Sandberg pushed forward, asking whether Scott’s ums were the result of nervousness. She even suggested that Google could hire a speaking coach to help. Still, Scott brushed off the concern; it didn’t seem like an important issue. “Finally, Sheryl said, ‘You know, Kim, I can tell I'm not really getting through to you. I'm going to have to be clearer here. When you say um every third word, it makes you sound stupid.’” "“The vertical axis is what I call the ‘give a damn’ axis,” Scott says. “Part of the reason Sheryl was able to say to me so bluntly, ‘You sounded stupid,’ was that I knew that she cared personally about me." This doesn't sit well with me because I am skeptical that bosses are going to be able to hit the proper mean of communication that works for each employee. Additionally, I am skeptical that bosses "caring personally for their employees" is actually fully possible or desirable all of the time, since there's always a frequently severe and irreparable conflict of interest between the institution and the individual. I don't want to give or receive friendship from my bosses (as we are only temporary means to an end for each other), I want courteous distance and realistic, bite sized action items to improve on. For the author, her boss gave her highly appreciated and blunt criticism, and offered a solution. For another employee, the boss has just ruined their day, week, and possibly self image, while (incorrectly) assuming that the boss and the boss's boss thinks they are stupid. For yet another employee, the message of the boss is noted and acted upon, but the pushy probing regarding nervousness is weirdly personal and not at all appreciated. I am usually pretty blunt, but I don't understand the fascination in managerial culture with intentionally toeing the line between asshole and "candor"-- and it pops up in more dimensions than just feedback. For whatever reason, there is glorification of putting down other people in a professional context.

BrianEatWorld 11y ago
I think Scott addresses that critique in the article: HHIPP: “Radical candor is humble, it’s helpful, it’s immediate, it’s in person — in private if it’s criticism and in public if it’s praise — and it doesn’t personalize.” That last P makes a key distinction: “My boss didn’t say, ‘You're stupid.’ She said, ‘You sounded stupid when you said um.’ There's a big difference between the two.”
joshyeager 11y ago
In that example, Sandberg tried a tactful approach twice before being blunt. If she had stopped giving the guidance because Scott didn't understand the tactful suggestions, Scott would not have learned from that scenario and may have been less successful in the long run. I don't see anything in this story that paints Sandberg as an asshole. And the only thing "radical" about her candor is that most managers (myself included sometimes) shy away from pushing if our directs don't understand what we're saying the first time. This article gave me some useful encouragement to push myself to give feedback to people who need it even if it's uncomfortable for me.
- BorgHunter 11y ago
  What's wrong with, "As a listener, it's very distracting; moreso than you might think. You need to kick that habit to be an effective public speaker."? It's entirely possible to be candid without putting another person (your direct report, even!) down.
  - 33W 11y ago
    And this would have been a third attempt in the same vein. Kim may have then replied "Why does it matter if I am a good public speaker, the numbers were great!", in which case, you have to remove the last case of sugar coating and tell it how it is.
    - jaredcwhite 11y ago
      The correct response to the hypothetical "Why does it matter if I am a good public speaker..." statement is "it matters if you are going to be giving presentations and doing public speaking", not "saying um a lot makes you seem stupid". I still can't imagine a world in which being that directly accusatory to an employee is a good way to help someone.
      - 33W 11y ago
        To which someone could respond "But my job isn't public speaking, it is doing X" where X is providing ads, making widgets, etc. No matter how many times you rephrase, you may hit a point where you just say "you sound stupid" or "you're not good at this job". In my opinion, the whole point of this talk is that giving honest feedback without tact is better than no feedback at all. If someone just doesn't get it when you say it diplomatically, just cut the fluff and say what you need to say.
erikpukinskis 11y ago
Where would you suggest people try to be on those two axes instead?

BrianEatWorld 11y ago

I think Scott addresses that critique in the article: HHIPP: “Radical candor is humble, it’s helpful, it’s immediate, it’s in person — in private if it’s criticism and in public if it’s praise — and it doesn’t personalize.” That last P makes a key distinction: “My boss didn’t say, ‘You're stupid.’ She said, ‘You sounded stupid when you said um.’ There's a big difference between the two.”

joshyeager 11y ago

In that example, Sandberg tried a tactful approach twice before being blunt. If she had stopped giving the guidance because Scott didn't understand the tactful suggestions, Scott would not have learned from that scenario and may have been less successful in the long run. I don't see anything in this story that paints Sandberg as an asshole. And the only thing "radical" about her candor is that most managers (myself included sometimes) shy away from pushing if our directs don't understand what we're saying the first time. This article gave me some useful encouragement to push myself to give feedback to people who need it even if it's uncomfortable for me.

BorgHunter 11y ago
What's wrong with, "As a listener, it's very distracting; moreso than you might think. You need to kick that habit to be an effective public speaker."? It's entirely possible to be candid without putting another person (your direct report, even!) down.
- 33W 11y ago
  And this would have been a third attempt in the same vein. Kim may have then replied "Why does it matter if I am a good public speaker, the numbers were great!", in which case, you have to remove the last case of sugar coating and tell it how it is.
  - jaredcwhite 11y ago
    The correct response to the hypothetical "Why does it matter if I am a good public speaker..." statement is "it matters if you are going to be giving presentations and doing public speaking", not "saying um a lot makes you seem stupid". I still can't imagine a world in which being that directly accusatory to an employee is a good way to help someone.
    - 33W 11y ago
      To which someone could respond "But my job isn't public speaking, it is doing X" where X is providing ads, making widgets, etc. No matter how many times you rephrase, you may hit a point where you just say "you sound stupid" or "you're not good at this job". In my opinion, the whole point of this talk is that giving honest feedback without tact is better than no feedback at all. If someone just doesn't get it when you say it diplomatically, just cut the fluff and say what you need to say.

erikpukinskis 11y ago

Where would you suggest people try to be on those two axes instead?