7 ms·

I feel like we are confusing children with people that have actual gender identity issues. My 5 year old can decide what her favorite color is, much less what

by SN76477 11y ago

I feel like we are confusing children with people that have actual gender identity issues. My 5 year old can decide what her favorite color is, much less what gender she wants to be the rest of her life.

ludamad 11y ago
IYHO, what do you suggest to do with a child that cries when dressed as their apparent gender, or called by their apparent gender's pronoun?
- aninhumer 11y ago
  Treat them however makes them happy, but don't read anything into it. Children are often upset by things for reasons that aren't obvious.
faitswulff 11y ago
I think the issue is one and the same, actually, and it's not really their problem, whether children or adult; it's ours and the way that we see them. Regardless of their age, if someone decides to act or dress like someone not of their physiological sex, who are we to judge them? The parent in this article did the humane, considerate, and respectful thing in accepting Tom's decision, not only in the moment that the decision was made, but also in perpetuity. And if Tom were to make a different decision in the future, I think the lesson his mother would learn (has already learned) was that she would love him regardless.
ogig 11y ago
Just my experience: My wife worked in contact with a child that, years later, happend to be one of the earliest officialy recognized trangender of the country at the age of nine. My wife realized this child was a transgender, very probably earlier than their parents. She saw it clearly in the behaviour, preferences, movements. Is not that someone asked the child about it, but that the child acts and strongly feels so.
- angersock 11y ago
  It seems very odd to have any notion of real gender issues until you've at least gone through puberty and have actually developed the sexual characteristics of your biological sex. I'm admittedly skeptical about a 9 year old being trans.
- aninhumer 11y ago
  I'm very much inclined to consider anecdotes like this as simply hindsight and confirmation bias. They most likely had a slight suspicion, which has been amplified in their memory. They may also have had similar suspicions about other children, which have been forgotten after they came to nothing.
rustynails77 11y ago
At 5, one of my kids loved to flirt with the girls. My other son played with a girl who was a tomboy because they liked rough and tumble and both gave as good as they got. There are so many ways that young kids can identify strong characteristics, even at 5 years old. I can't guarantee they won't change (although my kids haven't changed as far as I can recall). The first incident I remember (while not gender related) was my son when he was 6 months old. He HATED scratchy fabric from the scarf from a bear. We had to cut the scarf and the tag off this bear. Over a decade later, he still has that same fussiness with fabrics. This tells me that some preferences are there from a very young age. I could very well imagine some kids feeling at odds with their birth gender from a very young age.
- j4kp07 11y ago
  "Over a decade later, he still has that same fussiness with fabrics. This tells me that some preferences are there from a very young age." And my 5-year-old used to like raw lemons. This tells me some preferences change from a very young age. What is your point?
zyxley 11y ago
> much less what gender she wants to be the rest of her life But why are you assuming it's necessarily the rest of the child's life? The whole point of the current legal and medical structure using hormone blockers is to delay actually-permanent decisions to the point where (a) the child is legally competent to make a life decision like that and (b) the child has shown to the satisfaction of parents and medical professionals that they won't regret the decision.
peteretep 11y ago
> My 5 year old can decide what her favorite color is, > much less what gender she wants to be the rest of her > life. I think you may be confusing gender dysphoria with people waking up one day and thinking "Heck, it'd be kinda cool to be another gender!", rather than a pervasive and persistent deeply held belief that their body is wrong.
- deleted 11y ago
  [deleted]
- meowface 11y ago
  >rather than a pervasive and persistent deeply held belief that their body is wrong. There have been cases of children and young teenagers who have such beliefs, and then change their minds when they're adults. This may not be the norm, but I think it's important that children and teenagers don't undergo irreversible transition treatment. Thankfully, I believe there are many reversible treatments, like puberty blockers.
simplexion 11y ago
Why would you compare a decision on a favourite colour to an innate feeling surrounding identity? It feels like you didn't really think about this at all.

by SN76477 11y ago

ludamad 11y ago

IYHO, what do you suggest to do with a child that cries when dressed as their apparent gender, or called by their apparent gender's pronoun?

aninhumer 11y ago
Treat them however makes them happy, but don't read anything into it. Children are often upset by things for reasons that aren't obvious.

faitswulff 11y ago

I think the issue is one and the same, actually, and it's not really their problem, whether children or adult; it's ours and the way that we see them. Regardless of their age, if someone decides to act or dress like someone not of their physiological sex, who are we to judge them? The parent in this article did the humane, considerate, and respectful thing in accepting Tom's decision, not only in the moment that the decision was made, but also in perpetuity. And if Tom were to make a different decision in the future, I think the lesson his mother would learn (has already learned) was that she would love him regardless.

ogig 11y ago

Just my experience: My wife worked in contact with a child that, years later, happend to be one of the earliest officialy recognized trangender of the country at the age of nine. My wife realized this child was a transgender, very probably earlier than their parents. She saw it clearly in the behaviour, preferences, movements. Is not that someone asked the child about it, but that the child acts and strongly feels so.

angersock 11y ago
It seems very odd to have any notion of real gender issues until you've at least gone through puberty and have actually developed the sexual characteristics of your biological sex. I'm admittedly skeptical about a 9 year old being trans.
aninhumer 11y ago
I'm very much inclined to consider anecdotes like this as simply hindsight and confirmation bias. They most likely had a slight suspicion, which has been amplified in their memory. They may also have had similar suspicions about other children, which have been forgotten after they came to nothing.

rustynails77 11y ago

At 5, one of my kids loved to flirt with the girls. My other son played with a girl who was a tomboy because they liked rough and tumble and both gave as good as they got. There are so many ways that young kids can identify strong characteristics, even at 5 years old. I can't guarantee they won't change (although my kids haven't changed as far as I can recall). The first incident I remember (while not gender related) was my son when he was 6 months old. He HATED scratchy fabric from the scarf from a bear. We had to cut the scarf and the tag off this bear. Over a decade later, he still has that same fussiness with fabrics. This tells me that some preferences are there from a very young age. I could very well imagine some kids feeling at odds with their birth gender from a very young age.

j4kp07 11y ago
"Over a decade later, he still has that same fussiness with fabrics. This tells me that some preferences are there from a very young age." And my 5-year-old used to like raw lemons. This tells me some preferences change from a very young age. What is your point?

zyxley 11y ago

> much less what gender she wants to be the rest of her life But why are you assuming it's necessarily the rest of the child's life? The whole point of the current legal and medical structure using hormone blockers is to delay actually-permanent decisions to the point where (a) the child is legally competent to make a life decision like that and (b) the child has shown to the satisfaction of parents and medical professionals that they won't regret the decision.

peteretep 11y ago

> My 5 year old can decide what her favorite color is, > much less what gender she wants to be the rest of her > life. I think you may be confusing gender dysphoria with people waking up one day and thinking "Heck, it'd be kinda cool to be another gender!", rather than a pervasive and persistent deeply held belief that their body is wrong.

deleted 11y ago
[deleted]
meowface 11y ago
>rather than a pervasive and persistent deeply held belief that their body is wrong. There have been cases of children and young teenagers who have such beliefs, and then change their minds when they're adults. This may not be the norm, but I think it's important that children and teenagers don't undergo irreversible transition treatment. Thankfully, I believe there are many reversible treatments, like puberty blockers.

simplexion 11y ago

Why would you compare a decision on a favourite colour to an innate feeling surrounding identity? It feels like you didn't really think about this at all.