4 ms·

I am astounded that you're astounded. Seems like common sense advice to me: put your family ahead of everything else. That's what I do, anyway. Once "everything

by melted 11y ago

I am astounded that you're astounded. Seems like common sense advice to me: put your family ahead of everything else. That's what I do, anyway. Once "everything else" starts to interfere, I make sure to change my circumstances to make sure that my family gets the attention it so richly deserves.

engi_nerd 11y ago
Did it ever occur to you, that, outside of this issue, I'm actually well compensated, well-treated, I work on a good team of motivated people, and I'm well-respected for what I do? As I've said earlier, I have more leave to take than this because I have banked overtime that I can draw upon, and I have a fantastic boss who helped me make a plan to take the (paid) leave I need. All that does not mean that I can't comment on a relevant experience I have that most likely reflects the experiences of many in corporate America. With everything else set well, why would I disrupt my family again? I already moved in 2014 to escape an employer that was pretty much pure evil and really would have damaged my family and marriage. Don't you think, that having gone through that, I have learned how to protect my family? In short, your public lecture, as the other commenter pointed out, does seem a bit arrogant to me. Very surprised by the reactionary thinking I'm seeing about this.
- deleted 11y ago
  [deleted]
wpietri 11y ago
Yes, it's such obvious common-sense advice that you presuming he has never heard it is arrogant. The problem is not the advice; it's you appointing yourself qualified to lecture somebody with little understanding of their situation.
- engi_nerd 11y ago
  It's advice that I acted upon in 2014, when I realized,as we were about to try for pregnancy #1, that my then-employer was untenable. No promotion potential, mandatory 20+ hours a week of unpaid overtime, lots of deployments (up to 6 months a year away from home), no commonality with engineering done anywhere else...I moved and got the job I have now with hyphenated-corporation. It's big and evil, sure, but my immediate management (up to 2 levels above me) treat me well and respect the work that I've done for them. So I am loyal to them, but not the corporation. It's the corporation that has these policies that I don't like, but my management worked with me to soften the blow as much as possible.
  - melted 11y ago
    Mistake #2 is being loyal. That's a surefire way to never get anywhere. For me it's a learned skill to be sure. I learned it when I saw that people whom management is afraid to lose are promoted ahead of everybody else. So I make sure my managers know that I re-evaluate my options about once a year. I'm also "well respected" and paid very well, but unless things are going spectacularly well for me, no one is under an impression that I'll stick around. I think it's fair. Those same people would fire my ass if they weren't getting good value out of me, so it follows that I should do the same and expect good value out of them.
    - engi_nerd 11y ago
      I think I know my situation better than you do.
      - melted 11y ago
        You'll learn in time. :-)
        engi_nerd 11y ago
        In general I agree with you. Your overall logic is another factor in why I left my last job. But again, you don't know me, or my boss, so you are being rather presumptuous and I don't appreciate it.

by melted 11y ago

engi_nerd 11y ago

Did it ever occur to you, that, outside of this issue, I'm actually well compensated, well-treated, I work on a good team of motivated people, and I'm well-respected for what I do? As I've said earlier, I have more leave to take than this because I have banked overtime that I can draw upon, and I have a fantastic boss who helped me make a plan to take the (paid) leave I need. All that does not mean that I can't comment on a relevant experience I have that most likely reflects the experiences of many in corporate America. With everything else set well, why would I disrupt my family again? I already moved in 2014 to escape an employer that was pretty much pure evil and really would have damaged my family and marriage. Don't you think, that having gone through that, I have learned how to protect my family? In short, your public lecture, as the other commenter pointed out, does seem a bit arrogant to me. Very surprised by the reactionary thinking I'm seeing about this.

deleted 11y ago
[deleted]

wpietri 11y ago

Yes, it's such obvious common-sense advice that you presuming he has never heard it is arrogant. The problem is not the advice; it's you appointing yourself qualified to lecture somebody with little understanding of their situation.

engi_nerd 11y ago
It's advice that I acted upon in 2014, when I realized,as we were about to try for pregnancy #1, that my then-employer was untenable. No promotion potential, mandatory 20+ hours a week of unpaid overtime, lots of deployments (up to 6 months a year away from home), no commonality with engineering done anywhere else...I moved and got the job I have now with hyphenated-corporation. It's big and evil, sure, but my immediate management (up to 2 levels above me) treat me well and respect the work that I've done for them. So I am loyal to them, but not the corporation. It's the corporation that has these policies that I don't like, but my management worked with me to soften the blow as much as possible.
- melted 11y ago
  Mistake #2 is being loyal. That's a surefire way to never get anywhere. For me it's a learned skill to be sure. I learned it when I saw that people whom management is afraid to lose are promoted ahead of everybody else. So I make sure my managers know that I re-evaluate my options about once a year. I'm also "well respected" and paid very well, but unless things are going spectacularly well for me, no one is under an impression that I'll stick around. I think it's fair. Those same people would fire my ass if they weren't getting good value out of me, so it follows that I should do the same and expect good value out of them.
  - engi_nerd 11y ago
    I think I know my situation better than you do.
    - melted 11y ago
      You'll learn in time. :-)
      - engi_nerd 11y ago
        In general I agree with you. Your overall logic is another factor in why I left my last job. But again, you don't know me, or my boss, so you are being rather presumptuous and I don't appreciate it.