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- Meet people through work. You have to kinda treat this a bit like dating, and make real effort - when you meet someone you get on with, you'll need to invite

- Meet people through work. You have to kinda treat this a bit like dating, and make real effort - when you meet someone you get on with, you'll need to invite them for coffee etc. Do this sooner rather than later. Go to social events that are loosely related to your work. - Activity groups. Meetup.com, Couchsurfing, Nightclasses. Charities and volunteering. - Become a regular at a bar or a cafe. Go there frequently, even if on your own to read a paper at the weekend or one evening. Get to know the staff, as that provides a bridge to knowing other regulars. - When you do go out for any reason, be open to talking to people. Get into the habit of it, and if you encounter good conversations be sure to get the person's twitter/facebook/phone/email, just look for an excuse to send them something that you're both interested in. Then if you get a good chat going, look for an opportunity to meet up. - Explore the friendship networks of the friends you already have. When you go to events with existing friends, make sure you get to know the people they bring along. There's a much higher chance of liking a friend-of-a-friend rather than a random stranger. - Send social signals about the kind of person you are. e.g. wearing a SpaceX T-Shirt will definitely attract other space geeks for chat in random bars/cafes. - More philosophically: remember that whilst you might not meet good friends if you go to the cafe this Saturday, you certainly won't meet them if you don't socialise at all. And it takes time - for every night or day you socialise, you probably won't meet anyone interesting about 80% of the time.

something123 11y ago
To the first point, I think this might be controversial... but try to avoid people you work with directly. It seems like it's better at first glance - b/c you interact with them more - but the reality is there are whole layers of professionalism and competing interests between you and them which actually kinda preclude you from building a system of mutual trust. Maybe "trust" isn't quite the right word, but I'm struggling to find a better one. The difference between an acquaintance and a friend is that you can implicitly know they will help you and that you will help them. This involves being willing to do thing while expecting nothing in return. In a work setting that usually leads to bitterness But that's just like my opinion man...
- bbcbasic 11y ago
  This seems right to me in general, although there has been exceptions in my case. I think for better or worse alcohol can be the social catalyst that knocks down those barriers. But yes in general there are competing interests and people have their guards up. I think ex-colleagues can become good friends more easily.
- TrevorJ 11y ago
  It's pretty situation dependant. Mostly depends on the corporate structure, culture and your positions relative to each other. I've been blessed to work at small companies where most of the people I rub shoulders with aren't in the same professional 'track' as me, so there's no real reason for anyone to use a friendship to jockey for position or something.
baby 11y ago
> Meet people through work. yes but not only. It is a dangerous trap to rely on your colleagues for a social life. First they'll always have to be your colleagues, second they're probably the same kind of people as you (where's the diversity), ... > You have to kinda treat this a bit like dating Completely agree with that. And as I said in another comment, looking for friends is kind of looking for a girlfriend. > Couchsurfing That's actually a good idea, they regularly meet up. I've heard bad things about reddit meet up so I've never tried but why not? > Become a regular at a bar or a cafe. I don't really understand this advice but why not. Become part of your neighborhood is maybe what you wanted to say? > When you go to events with existing friends, make sure you get to know the people they bring along That's super important. Because you tend to stick with your friends where you have the opportunity of making other good friends as well > There's a much higher chance of liking a friend-of-a-friend rather than a random stranger. Same for dating > Send social signals about the kind of person you are Odd. I would rather not and listen to what interesting things people have to say. You don't always have an obvious common thing. > or every night or day you socialise, you probably won't meet anyone interesting about 80% of the time. A friend of mine used to say (he was talking about girls but it works as well). If you meet a person and she's not the right one, don't discard her, the right one might still be one of her friends. The idea can be generalized as: people are not always the perfect fit, but you can still hang out with them and meet some cool people in the process.
- plusquamperfekt 11y ago
  > First they'll always have to be your colleagues Not after you or they left the job. > second they're probably the same kind of people as you The diversity is huge already within departments and limitless across. > Completely agree with that. And as I said in another comment, looking for friends is kind of looking for a girlfriend. Actually ... it's not at all like that. At least my dating behaviour is for good reasons very different from dealing with guys. >> Couchsurfing > That's actually a good idea, they regularly meet up. I have plenty of CS experience and from what I can say - you meet plenty of awesome people through CS - but the relationship-dynamics are exceptionally casual and noncommittal. >> There's a much higher chance of liking a friend-of-a-friend rather than a random stranger. > Same for dating Actually - even though this statement seems plausible - I highly doubt it is correct in practice and it isn't as far as I am concerned. It seems rather that people tend to trust more easily and deal more openly with friends of friends. > If you meet a person and she's not the right one, don't discard her, To think of "discarding" in that context is stupid in the first place. You can and should discard aholes - anybody else it's just a very dynamic process of distance and closeness which comes to a natural halt at some point. > The idea can be generalized as: people are not always the perfect fit, but you can still hang out with them and meet some cool people in the process. Fairly egocentric way of dealing with people - I suppose it's possible to enjoy time with people for what they are without aiming at capitalizing on their relations.
makeset 11y ago
This is good advice for meeting people, but acquaintances don't automatically become friends. For that, you need to spend time with them in diverse contexts. The more, the better. Someone you only see at work is a coworker. Someone you only drink with is a drinking buddy. If you work together, go out drinking on weekends, and play racquetball every Thursday night, the line starts getting blurred.
postsantum 11y ago
I like the analogy between G+ circles and friendship. A person can become your friend if he is in more than one your circle. Let's say you have a circle called "work" and you invite somebody from it to play football together. If he accepts, the transition happens. A person that you work with is a coworker, a person that you play football regularly with is just a teammate, but combined they become a friend.

something123 11y ago

To the first point, I think this might be controversial... but try to avoid people you work with directly. It seems like it's better at first glance - b/c you interact with them more - but the reality is there are whole layers of professionalism and competing interests between you and them which actually kinda preclude you from building a system of mutual trust. Maybe "trust" isn't quite the right word, but I'm struggling to find a better one. The difference between an acquaintance and a friend is that you can implicitly know they will help you and that you will help them. This involves being willing to do thing while expecting nothing in return. In a work setting that usually leads to bitterness But that's just like my opinion man...

bbcbasic 11y ago
This seems right to me in general, although there has been exceptions in my case. I think for better or worse alcohol can be the social catalyst that knocks down those barriers. But yes in general there are competing interests and people have their guards up. I think ex-colleagues can become good friends more easily.
TrevorJ 11y ago
It's pretty situation dependant. Mostly depends on the corporate structure, culture and your positions relative to each other. I've been blessed to work at small companies where most of the people I rub shoulders with aren't in the same professional 'track' as me, so there's no real reason for anyone to use a friendship to jockey for position or something.

baby 11y ago

> Meet people through work. yes but not only. It is a dangerous trap to rely on your colleagues for a social life. First they'll always have to be your colleagues, second they're probably the same kind of people as you (where's the diversity), ... > You have to kinda treat this a bit like dating Completely agree with that. And as I said in another comment, looking for friends is kind of looking for a girlfriend. > Couchsurfing That's actually a good idea, they regularly meet up. I've heard bad things about reddit meet up so I've never tried but why not? > Become a regular at a bar or a cafe. I don't really understand this advice but why not. Become part of your neighborhood is maybe what you wanted to say? > When you go to events with existing friends, make sure you get to know the people they bring along That's super important. Because you tend to stick with your friends where you have the opportunity of making other good friends as well > There's a much higher chance of liking a friend-of-a-friend rather than a random stranger. Same for dating > Send social signals about the kind of person you are Odd. I would rather not and listen to what interesting things people have to say. You don't always have an obvious common thing. > or every night or day you socialise, you probably won't meet anyone interesting about 80% of the time. A friend of mine used to say (he was talking about girls but it works as well). If you meet a person and she's not the right one, don't discard her, the right one might still be one of her friends. The idea can be generalized as: people are not always the perfect fit, but you can still hang out with them and meet some cool people in the process.

plusquamperfekt 11y ago
> First they'll always have to be your colleagues Not after you or they left the job. > second they're probably the same kind of people as you The diversity is huge already within departments and limitless across. > Completely agree with that. And as I said in another comment, looking for friends is kind of looking for a girlfriend. Actually ... it's not at all like that. At least my dating behaviour is for good reasons very different from dealing with guys. >> Couchsurfing > That's actually a good idea, they regularly meet up. I have plenty of CS experience and from what I can say - you meet plenty of awesome people through CS - but the relationship-dynamics are exceptionally casual and noncommittal. >> There's a much higher chance of liking a friend-of-a-friend rather than a random stranger. > Same for dating Actually - even though this statement seems plausible - I highly doubt it is correct in practice and it isn't as far as I am concerned. It seems rather that people tend to trust more easily and deal more openly with friends of friends. > If you meet a person and she's not the right one, don't discard her, To think of "discarding" in that context is stupid in the first place. You can and should discard aholes - anybody else it's just a very dynamic process of distance and closeness which comes to a natural halt at some point. > The idea can be generalized as: people are not always the perfect fit, but you can still hang out with them and meet some cool people in the process. Fairly egocentric way of dealing with people - I suppose it's possible to enjoy time with people for what they are without aiming at capitalizing on their relations.

makeset 11y ago

This is good advice for meeting people, but acquaintances don't automatically become friends. For that, you need to spend time with them in diverse contexts. The more, the better. Someone you only see at work is a coworker. Someone you only drink with is a drinking buddy. If you work together, go out drinking on weekends, and play racquetball every Thursday night, the line starts getting blurred.

postsantum 11y ago

I like the analogy between G+ circles and friendship. A person can become your friend if he is in more than one your circle. Let's say you have a circle called "work" and you invite somebody from it to play football together. If he accepts, the transition happens. A person that you work with is a coworker, a person that you play football regularly with is just a teammate, but combined they become a friend.