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Call me callous but I always thought one of the most important lessons a child should learn is "its not all about you." I am so amazed when I see parents nowad

Call me callous but I always thought one of the most important lessons a child should learn is "its not all about you." I am so amazed when I see parents nowadays devoting their entire life to making sure their children are spared of any tiny little inconvenience. These children will be very poorly adjusted and these parents are rarely happy.

x5n1 11y ago
Could it be that these parents are providing their kids what they wanted when they were children? That they are living vicariously through their parenting.
javajosh 11y ago
What if you were to engineer a situation with your kids where you a) teach them how to do something useful, and then b) put them in a situation where that useful thing needs to be done. If they don't take the cue, no problem. If they miss it, maybe have a 3rd party (like an aunt or an uncle) pitch in. Then maybe have that 3rd party ask the child if they know how to do that thing - and get the kid to get in the habit of volunteering their effort if it's helpful to those around them. (It's important that the prompts not come from the parent since the action becomes "acquiescing to authority" instead of "pitching in for the common good".) Of course, there's an unfortunate prisoner's dilemma in that if two kids are involved, and one is volunteering all the time, the lazy one thinks, "Ha, sweet, I'm so clever I never do any work and things still get done!" Not really sure how to get around this - perhaps develop a turn-based cooperation game where two siblings take turns helping, effectively coopting the helpfulness of one to blunt the selfishness of the other. If they both defect, then I suppose you have to create an "existential baseline" that they don't want to endure, involving a) no toys, b) no freedom, c) bland food. But that's problematic because it turns you into a jailor, and it turns cooperation into "that thing you do to satisfy authority" again.
- prawn 11y ago
  Always going to great lengths to teach your children important lessons like this is another form of putting them first (or at least up there). I don't put loads of time into my kids to save them every inconvenience, but to give them a thirst for knowledge, etc.
- nommm-nommm 11y ago
  I reread this a few times and I'm not really sure what it has to do with what I wrote.

x5n1 11y ago

Could it be that these parents are providing their kids what they wanted when they were children? That they are living vicariously through their parenting.

javajosh 11y ago

What if you were to engineer a situation with your kids where you a) teach them how to do something useful, and then b) put them in a situation where that useful thing needs to be done. If they don't take the cue, no problem. If they miss it, maybe have a 3rd party (like an aunt or an uncle) pitch in. Then maybe have that 3rd party ask the child if they know how to do that thing - and get the kid to get in the habit of volunteering their effort if it's helpful to those around them. (It's important that the prompts not come from the parent since the action becomes "acquiescing to authority" instead of "pitching in for the common good".) Of course, there's an unfortunate prisoner's dilemma in that if two kids are involved, and one is volunteering all the time, the lazy one thinks, "Ha, sweet, I'm so clever I never do any work and things still get done!" Not really sure how to get around this - perhaps develop a turn-based cooperation game where two siblings take turns helping, effectively coopting the helpfulness of one to blunt the selfishness of the other. If they both defect, then I suppose you have to create an "existential baseline" that they don't want to endure, involving a) no toys, b) no freedom, c) bland food. But that's problematic because it turns you into a jailor, and it turns cooperation into "that thing you do to satisfy authority" again.

prawn 11y ago
Always going to great lengths to teach your children important lessons like this is another form of putting them first (or at least up there). I don't put loads of time into my kids to save them every inconvenience, but to give them a thirst for knowledge, etc.
nommm-nommm 11y ago
I reread this a few times and I'm not really sure what it has to do with what I wrote.