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"Ayelet Waldman, where the author explained that she loved her husband more than her four children." Recently did some pre-marital counseling where they recomm

"Ayelet Waldman, where the author explained that she loved her husband more than her four children." Recently did some pre-marital counseling where they recommend that you put your spouse above your children. Seemed really strange to me and counter-intuitive. I don't know much about marriage at all, but if you think about it, the trickle-down effect does seem to make sense as setting an example is a good lesson for kids. I think the takeaway is to keep a balance. Also, it's not like Ayelet Waldman is a revolutionary, as other old-school practitioners seem to have been recommending that advice for years.

icanhackit 11y ago
counseling where they recommend that you put your spouse above your children I believe this is incredibly important for a lasting, loving relationship. I've observed a few relationships where one partner's priority shifts so much to the children that the other partner is left with little love or consideration and their bond quickly degrades. I could understand this behavior in a place where there's a shortage of food and resources, but in developed countries with an abundance of food and relative safety people are sabotaging their happiness and adult bonds by elevating developing humans above the person they originally committed to. Additionally, some adults infantilize their household culture to the point where adult activities become a sort of taboo. I think we short-change children by not exposing them to regular adult behaviors and conversations. Certainly there are some things children should not be exposed to but the household should be as accommodating for old and young as possible. A healthy balance needs to be struck.
seansmccullough 11y ago
I think this attitude makes sense.
jamra 11y ago
To me, parenting is like Atlas lifting up the world. It may seem logical to focus entirely on the object of importance (the world), but if Atlas doesn't eat right he will start to wane. His bones will lose their density and he'll start to lose muscle mass. Eventually, he won't be able to lift the world. My relationship with my wife is just that. The more we put into each other, the stronger we become individually and as a pair. Your kids will adjust to the lifestyle you set for them and happy parents have more to give.
nommm-nommm 11y ago
Putting your spouse before your children is not only essential to a healthy and happy marriage, it is also essential to raising well adjusted children.

icanhackit 11y ago

counseling where they recommend that you put your spouse above your children I believe this is incredibly important for a lasting, loving relationship. I've observed a few relationships where one partner's priority shifts so much to the children that the other partner is left with little love or consideration and their bond quickly degrades. I could understand this behavior in a place where there's a shortage of food and resources, but in developed countries with an abundance of food and relative safety people are sabotaging their happiness and adult bonds by elevating developing humans above the person they originally committed to. Additionally, some adults infantilize their household culture to the point where adult activities become a sort of taboo. I think we short-change children by not exposing them to regular adult behaviors and conversations. Certainly there are some things children should not be exposed to but the household should be as accommodating for old and young as possible. A healthy balance needs to be struck.

seansmccullough 11y ago

I think this attitude makes sense.

jamra 11y ago

To me, parenting is like Atlas lifting up the world. It may seem logical to focus entirely on the object of importance (the world), but if Atlas doesn't eat right he will start to wane. His bones will lose their density and he'll start to lose muscle mass. Eventually, he won't be able to lift the world. My relationship with my wife is just that. The more we put into each other, the stronger we become individually and as a pair. Your kids will adjust to the lifestyle you set for them and happy parents have more to give.

nommm-nommm 11y ago

Putting your spouse before your children is not only essential to a healthy and happy marriage, it is also essential to raising well adjusted children.