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When I was kid people told me I was smart. I don't think I experienced any of this.
by gmarx 11y ago
When I was kid people told me I was smart. I don't think I experienced any of this.
- jimktrains2 11y agoWhen I was a kid people told me I was smart. I'm almost 30 and _still_ struggle with _exactly_ what GP posted.
- gmarx 11y agoI know it isn't wise to ask about downvotes but why would people downvote me for stating what I experienced when it is relevant to the discussion? Can people not tolerate anything which deviates from the narratives in their heads?
- jimktrains2 11y agoI didn't downvote you, so I don't know why people are incapable of civil discussion.
- hugh4 11y agoWell there ya go, anecdotes both ways. Shall we just declare it a common potential pitfall then?
- gmarx 11y agoI guess. There are risks to telling a kid anything. I was fat, un-athletic and shy. I'm kind of glad I had one thing to cling to.
- jimktrains2 11y agoI think it also matters in the environment the child is told it in? For instance, being told "you're smart" and then just let to sit there and finish quickly the work it takes everyone else longer, where you just twittle your thumbs or blaze through homework as a chore so that you can do other things because "you're smart (it's ok you don't try)" can be damaging. I just had a child. If they are "smart" (given my wife and I we can only hope!) I want to try to press them more and not just let them not try beyond a minimal amount of effort. Sure, it'll be time-intensive on my part, but I want to see them pushed. My issues come from hitting a problem I should be "smart enough" to solve but can't do it in an instant and get frustrated.
- jimktrains2 11y agoThat was the point of my post. You _can't_ say this or that based on a small sample size; there will almost always be a counter example in sociology (and in most sciences).
- eighthalf 11y agoI'm younger than you, but I feel similar. Any thoughts on how to work through it?
- jimktrains2 11y agoI'm still working on it, but letting myself be "OK", truly "OK" with not being able to finish things quickly, or with things that aren't easy, or tasks I haven't finished or had to give up on due to being in over my head or lack of time. Being "OK" with yourself is a very difficult thing.