6 ms·

> say that they would never date an asian guy as an asian guy, let me just say that quite frankly, the solution to this is to 1. be attractive, and 2. don't be

> say that they would never date an asian guy as an asian guy, let me just say that quite frankly, the solution to this is to 1. be attractive, and 2. don't be unattractive. lift weights, dress well, have cool hobbies, make money. girls say a lot of things due to social pressure but when the chips are on the table you can't negotiate attraction. it's subconscious.

huac 11y ago
I mean...the point is that even the 'subconscious' is socially trained. In an environment where every 'People's Sexiest Man Alive' is white 30 years running (fine, Denzel got a token shoutout), where your only Asians in movies are comic relief or simply straight up belittled, there is a very real Eurocentric training. And what constitutes a cool hobby? If attraction is subconscious (or love at first sight?), what does it matter if I play semi-pro badminton vs semi-pro lacrosse? There is much more at work than 'being attractive' when that standard of beauty's defined by forces way outside your control.
- deleted 11y ago
  [deleted]
- beachstartup 11y ago
  if it's outside of your control, what good does complaining do? try action instead. find a mission in life. this entire mindset reeks of external validation-seeking. if you think people's sexiest list is going to stop you from getting your desired results, then it most certainly will. i'm sorry to be such a bro, but i suggest you go lift. it will help clear your mind of such petty nonsense.
  - yarou 11y ago
    I don't think anybody is complaining that aesthetic preferences are derived and shaped from pop culture. Rather, it's important to understand what subconsciously influences people, so one might make sense of the seemingly counterintuitive results one has when it comes to the fairer sex.
  - contravert 11y ago
    You can literally apply this same logic to any form of discrimination: Paid less because of your gender? What good does complaining do? I suggest you work harder. Injustly stripped of your property? What good does complaining do? I suggest you start a business. Forced to sit in the back of the bus? What good does complaining do? I suggest you exercise more so you can walk longer. Profiled by the police based on your skin color? What good does complaining do? I suggest you dress better. Ostracised from society because you're gay? What good does complaining do? I suggest you hide it better. Assaulted because of your religion? What good does complaining do? I suggest you learn to fight. You should understand that behind every complaint is an implicit call for collective action, which is the only way to solve problems these types of problems. Dismissing these grievances, like you're doing here, has the affect of discouraging not only the person being discriminated against, but also other victims. Even if you aren't doing it consciously, your attitude smothers attempts at collective action maintains the status quo of discrimination.
    - deleted 11y ago
      [deleted]
- random_32467 11y ago
  >'People's Sexiest Man Alive' is white 30 years running It sounds like an interesting study to see how the local tabloids pick their "sexiest" choices. Does Lativia's "People" equivalent proportionally reflect their population demographics over time? What about China? Nigeria? Brazil?
- yarou 11y ago
  The harsh reality of our society is that as your earning capability increases as a male, your pool of potential partners increases dramatically. I don't buy the whole (no pun intended) "get a hobby, start improving yourself" mantra either, because I know that the sexual marketplace is just as rational as any other. Nothing makes you more attractive to a woman than the double which represents your bank account balance. There are of course external signifiers which communicate this information.[0] Or, to use the vernacular: "I ain't saying she a gold digger, but she ain't messing with no broke niggas"[1] [0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conspicuous_consumption https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conspicuous_consumption [1] http://genius.com/Kanye-west-gold-digger-lyrics http://genius.com/Kanye-west-gold-digger-lyrics
  - oldmanjay 11y ago
    > Nothing makes you more attractive to a woman than the double which represents your bank account balance. Not really on topic but it is a teachable moment; You should always use fixed point math to deal with currency. Floating point math is not consistently accurate and should never be used.
    - deciplex 11y ago
      If banks often don't bother with it I don't see why anyone else should have to :-)
  - beachstartup 11y ago
    your average good-looking, muscular, broke-as-a-joke bartender is getting laid way, way, way more often than a rich guy who thinks women will like him for his money and who doesn't take care of his body. you should ruminate on that.
  - refurb 11y ago
    I think you need to meet more/different women. Yes, some are only interested in their partner's bank account (just like some guys are only interested in their partner's looks), but that is by far the exception, not the rule.
  - 11y ago
- ashwinaj 11y ago
  Take a hypothetical example: Four guys (white, brown, Asian, black) born and brought up in the same neighborhood, they have the same physical attributes (height, weight, relative looks). Who do you think most girls are going to go for, assuming they do not know that they grew up in the same environment? Exactly...
deleted 11y ago
[deleted]
eric-hu 11y ago
As another Asian-American guy, I want to second this. Up until earlier this year, I felt paralyzed and victimized by American society. That is, I felt passively punished for not looking like Brad Pitt, Justin Beiber, or other American sex symbols. I had achieved enough financial success that I felt like the only major thing "missing" in my happiness was a relationship or healthy dating life. And I blamed external circumstances for that. Then I realized, by analogy, that I was perpetuating my own situation. The biggest turnoff for me wanting to recommend a friend for employment was hearing him complain about how unfair the job market is, how worthless his university education was, and so on. In the decade since I've graduated from college, I've witnessed friends jump around across companies and careers and I've witnessed other friends stay put and complain. Complaining can be useful if it leads to action, but it's also a strange and unfortunate local minimum for many people. To build off of beachstartup's point, it's worth considering your objective when you complain about something like social inequality. Is your complaint motivated by a desire to be happier and more fulfilled, or by a desire to see a fairer world? I can shamelessly say that I just want to be happier, so I'm going to try to play the game instead of trying to change it. For now.
- beachstartup 11y ago
  the analogy you use is perfect. the person who complains about the job market is in a hole only he can dig himself out of. like most kinds of success, it's all about a mindset and a work ethic. the person who just complaints about shit is shrouded in such a mental fog it's literally impossible for them to be helped. to further elaborate - "most" asian guys do much better in the work force than they do in the dating game - why? simple, they've spent their entire lives training to work, and NONE of their lives training how to be successful with women. explaining this shit to people makes me feel like i'm describing breathing air to a fish. it's all very simple, yet people just get stuck in such a mental hall of mirrors. it's like the sexual equivalent of being caught in poverty. it truly is a mindset, yet those stuck in it are absolutely convinced otherwise.
analyst74 11y ago
I agree, and that's what I tell myself and others who feel they are disadvantaged in the dating world (due to their skin color or not). However I feel this is also a short-term and selfish way to go. There has to be a way to make the world a more equal place, even if you and I don't live to see it.
dang 11y ago
We detached this subthread from https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=10454989 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=10454989 and marked it off-topic.
- eric-hu 11y ago
  I don't agree with this mod decision. The detached post responds to a point in the parent comment and this thread is generally discussing a theme of the original post: Asian Americans being second class citizens.
  - dang 11y ago
    The subthread veers on a generic broey dating-advice tangent that is clearly not on topic here.

huac 11y ago

I mean...the point is that even the 'subconscious' is socially trained. In an environment where every 'People's Sexiest Man Alive' is white 30 years running (fine, Denzel got a token shoutout), where your only Asians in movies are comic relief or simply straight up belittled, there is a very real Eurocentric training. And what constitutes a cool hobby? If attraction is subconscious (or love at first sight?), what does it matter if I play semi-pro badminton vs semi-pro lacrosse? There is much more at work than 'being attractive' when that standard of beauty's defined by forces way outside your control.

deleted 11y ago
[deleted]
beachstartup 11y ago
if it's outside of your control, what good does complaining do? try action instead. find a mission in life. this entire mindset reeks of external validation-seeking. if you think people's sexiest list is going to stop you from getting your desired results, then it most certainly will. i'm sorry to be such a bro, but i suggest you go lift. it will help clear your mind of such petty nonsense.
- yarou 11y ago
  I don't think anybody is complaining that aesthetic preferences are derived and shaped from pop culture. Rather, it's important to understand what subconsciously influences people, so one might make sense of the seemingly counterintuitive results one has when it comes to the fairer sex.
- contravert 11y ago
  You can literally apply this same logic to any form of discrimination: Paid less because of your gender? What good does complaining do? I suggest you work harder. Injustly stripped of your property? What good does complaining do? I suggest you start a business. Forced to sit in the back of the bus? What good does complaining do? I suggest you exercise more so you can walk longer. Profiled by the police based on your skin color? What good does complaining do? I suggest you dress better. Ostracised from society because you're gay? What good does complaining do? I suggest you hide it better. Assaulted because of your religion? What good does complaining do? I suggest you learn to fight. You should understand that behind every complaint is an implicit call for collective action, which is the only way to solve problems these types of problems. Dismissing these grievances, like you're doing here, has the affect of discouraging not only the person being discriminated against, but also other victims. Even if you aren't doing it consciously, your attitude smothers attempts at collective action maintains the status quo of discrimination.
  - deleted 11y ago
    [deleted]
random_32467 11y ago
>'People's Sexiest Man Alive' is white 30 years running It sounds like an interesting study to see how the local tabloids pick their "sexiest" choices. Does Lativia's "People" equivalent proportionally reflect their population demographics over time? What about China? Nigeria? Brazil?
yarou 11y ago
The harsh reality of our society is that as your earning capability increases as a male, your pool of potential partners increases dramatically. I don't buy the whole (no pun intended) "get a hobby, start improving yourself" mantra either, because I know that the sexual marketplace is just as rational as any other. Nothing makes you more attractive to a woman than the double which represents your bank account balance. There are of course external signifiers which communicate this information.[0] Or, to use the vernacular: "I ain't saying she a gold digger, but she ain't messing with no broke niggas"[1] [0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conspicuous_consumption https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conspicuous_consumption [1] http://genius.com/Kanye-west-gold-digger-lyrics http://genius.com/Kanye-west-gold-digger-lyrics
- oldmanjay 11y ago
  > Nothing makes you more attractive to a woman than the double which represents your bank account balance. Not really on topic but it is a teachable moment; You should always use fixed point math to deal with currency. Floating point math is not consistently accurate and should never be used.
  - deciplex 11y ago
    If banks often don't bother with it I don't see why anyone else should have to :-)
- beachstartup 11y ago
  your average good-looking, muscular, broke-as-a-joke bartender is getting laid way, way, way more often than a rich guy who thinks women will like him for his money and who doesn't take care of his body. you should ruminate on that.
- refurb 11y ago
  I think you need to meet more/different women. Yes, some are only interested in their partner's bank account (just like some guys are only interested in their partner's looks), but that is by far the exception, not the rule.
- 11y ago
ashwinaj 11y ago
Take a hypothetical example: Four guys (white, brown, Asian, black) born and brought up in the same neighborhood, they have the same physical attributes (height, weight, relative looks). Who do you think most girls are going to go for, assuming they do not know that they grew up in the same environment? Exactly...

deleted 11y ago

[deleted]

eric-hu 11y ago

As another Asian-American guy, I want to second this. Up until earlier this year, I felt paralyzed and victimized by American society. That is, I felt passively punished for not looking like Brad Pitt, Justin Beiber, or other American sex symbols. I had achieved enough financial success that I felt like the only major thing "missing" in my happiness was a relationship or healthy dating life. And I blamed external circumstances for that. Then I realized, by analogy, that I was perpetuating my own situation. The biggest turnoff for me wanting to recommend a friend for employment was hearing him complain about how unfair the job market is, how worthless his university education was, and so on. In the decade since I've graduated from college, I've witnessed friends jump around across companies and careers and I've witnessed other friends stay put and complain. Complaining can be useful if it leads to action, but it's also a strange and unfortunate local minimum for many people. To build off of beachstartup's point, it's worth considering your objective when you complain about something like social inequality. Is your complaint motivated by a desire to be happier and more fulfilled, or by a desire to see a fairer world? I can shamelessly say that I just want to be happier, so I'm going to try to play the game instead of trying to change it. For now.

beachstartup 11y ago
the analogy you use is perfect. the person who complains about the job market is in a hole only he can dig himself out of. like most kinds of success, it's all about a mindset and a work ethic. the person who just complaints about shit is shrouded in such a mental fog it's literally impossible for them to be helped. to further elaborate - "most" asian guys do much better in the work force than they do in the dating game - why? simple, they've spent their entire lives training to work, and NONE of their lives training how to be successful with women. explaining this shit to people makes me feel like i'm describing breathing air to a fish. it's all very simple, yet people just get stuck in such a mental hall of mirrors. it's like the sexual equivalent of being caught in poverty. it truly is a mindset, yet those stuck in it are absolutely convinced otherwise.

analyst74 11y ago

I agree, and that's what I tell myself and others who feel they are disadvantaged in the dating world (due to their skin color or not). However I feel this is also a short-term and selfish way to go. There has to be a way to make the world a more equal place, even if you and I don't live to see it.

dang 11y ago

We detached this subthread from https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=10454989 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=10454989 and marked it off-topic.

eric-hu 11y ago
I don't agree with this mod decision. The detached post responds to a point in the parent comment and this thread is generally discussing a theme of the original post: Asian Americans being second class citizens.
- dang 11y ago
  The subthread veers on a generic broey dating-advice tangent that is clearly not on topic here.