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As someone who really has social anxiety, this is not it. I have absolutely no issues understanding non-verbal communication. I'm simply scared of certain socia
by nilkn 11y ago
As someone who really has social anxiety, this is not it. I have absolutely no issues understanding non-verbal communication. I'm simply scared of certain social situations, for no rational reason. There are relatively mundane group scenarios that will leave my heart pounding and my hands almost shaking, though I do my best to hide it, and over the years I have become pretty adept at just dealing with it.
With that said, I do not mean to diminish the difficulties the author here has experienced. I just think that anxiety is not the most descriptive label for them.
- smtddr 11y agoWe're talking irrational fears? For the longest time I had a fear of unfamiliar shower heads well into adulthood. http://i.imgur.com/qcVVJwCl.jpg http://i.imgur.com/qcVVJwCl.jpg Like if I'm in a hotel room and need to take shower, I have to take a deep breath and stare at it, telling myself "it can't hurt me" over and over again. The same kind of nervous I get in a plane that's about to take off. I still get a bit nervous to this day at 38 years of age. I suspect something happened to me at a young age but nobody seems to know what it could be. I've noticed that my 5yr old daughter is also scared of them when they make those whoosh-sounds just before water comes out. Maybe I was traumatized from that too.... I dunno...
- skizm 11y agoI'm always curious about stuff like this so I don't mean to be rude, but in all seriousness, how do you think a shower head will hurt you? I understand it isn't rational so maybe the answer is "I dunno" but figured I would ask.
- firebones 11y agoI suspect it is a sensory-processing thing. I'm reading waaaayyyy too much into this, but people on the Asperger's syndrome spectrum--even slightly--and more likely to be in the HN commenter crowd--have peculiar sensory issues. Often you see it with things like aversion (or preference) for certain food textures, so it doesn't seem out of left field to hear that anticipatory auditory and sensory stimulus (like the death rattle of a showerhead, or the subsequent burst of lukewarm water) would be a trigger. And that it would be passed down genetically or by behavioral role models...
- lotharbot 11y agopart of the struggles we're having with my autistic son center around toilet training -- I think in large part because the bathroom is full of things that make running-water type noises, and those freak him out.
- smtddr 11y agoThe closest thing I can think of is maybe a bunch of vines will come out and grab me or something.
- sneak 11y agodon't worry, you are too big to fit through the holes, so worst case they will just immobilize you until you yell enough that someone comes and kills the vine monster. they might see you naked but you won't die. :D
- jsudhams 11y agoMy experience is this, As got in to mechanical work (lathe, milling etc) and computer. Before about 16 i thought everyone will do right thing only and not really cheat absolutley but the real work hit me and i found people will do mediocre job for no reason or simply lazy so when ever i see structure or car i double check break or think it may fall...
- johnchristopher 11y ago> I've noticed that my 5yr old daughter is also scared of them when they make those whoosh-sounds just before water comes out. Maybe I was traumatized from that too.... I dunno... If I may: it's more likely you passed along the stress you experience in these situations to her. She learned to that the shower head should be approached with caution because you tense yourself around it. Moreover, irrational fears are not necessarily linked to the stress inducing agent. It might have been associated later (to prevent your psyche to directly relive the trauma). That psy territory though so I stop there before saying anything stupider ;).
- smtddr 11y agoit's possible :p
- angersock 11y agoThere was a truly distressing scene in the IT miniseries involving showerheads in a locker room. That perhaps?
- smtddr 11y agoHmm, I don't know that show by name but it's possible I may have tuned in just to see something horrible scene.
- ocd_temp 11y agoDon't want to generalize, but this could be a form of OCD (which is very misunderstood and comes in all shapes and sizes). Your brain is lying to you. Channeling Yoda here but you have to be mindful of your thoughts :) What's worked for me is to label thoughts like that "that's an OCD thought" takes a while but eventually the thought won't trigger the hamster wheel. http://hope4ocd.com/foursteps.php http://hope4ocd.com/foursteps.php
- jayhuang 11y agoI also have social anxiety and this is exactly it (your comment). Most people say I come across as intimidating and it takes a long time for me to become "normal" around someone, and have been told that I don't show any emotion. But really, it's because the only emotion I feel is fear, and I try very hard to hide it. That's it. Thinking about it logically, it makes little sense. Similar to how a person may have depression, and to the outer world, their worries/fears may seem minute; yet to that person, it's all about the feeling, and the feeling is very real.
- mcnamaratw 11y agoYeah, this one is what I have. In my 20s I realized I cared about being social, and once I worked on it, it slowly became much less severe.
- jeremyt 11y agoI've been experimenting with nootropics lately, and I think taurine and L-Theanine can help you greatly, with very low risk of side effects.
- jeremyt 11y agoWhy the downvotes? Look them up. L-Theanine is in green tea and taurine is in red bulls. Maybe they don't help, but they noticeably reduce anxiety in me.
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- mcnamaratw 11y agoSome folks here use downvote when they disagree, not to indicate that something is wrong with the comment. It helps in creating groupthink, because nobody likes being downvoted.
- yarou 11y agoI wouldn't go so far as to say the fear of being downvoted leads to groupthink. I mean, why would you care if someone disagrees with your comment? That really wouldn't lead you to self-censor. Unless you had something important at stake, like reputation, which would only happen if your handle on here was linked to your real life name.
- lotharbot 11y agopg has said on several occasions that downvoting for disagreement is OK. Personally, I use it not for mere disagreement, but for "I want HN to have less comments like this" -- things like gratuitous errors, gratuitous negativity, unneeded incivility, empty comments like "I agree", and especially comments that just repeat talking points without adding any original thought or substance.
- DanBC 11y ago
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- nashashmi 11y agoHe said he can understand non-verbal communication. It is just that he has to think about it before he does. I can relate to that. I can also relate to you when you say you do your best to hide it. I never realized I did until now.
- mcphilip 11y agoThis first person account of social anxiety hits closer to home, for me at least: http://mobile.nytimes.com/blogs/opinionator/2013/03/25/a-day-in-the-life http://mobile.nytimes.com/blogs/opinionator/2013/03/25/a-day...
- catshirt 11y ago"As someone who really has social anxiety, this is not it. I have absolutely no issues understanding non-verbal communication. I'm simply scared of certain social situations, for no rational reason." i can't say i have social anxiety, but i feel very similar in this instance. and, if i can judge based on this statement alone- i don't think it's fair for you to say your fear comes from "no rational reason". a very rational reason to be afraid of verbal communication as opposed to text, is that text is a much easier medium to control your message. there are a dozen benefits: you have more time to parse and consider what one says to you, you have more time to formulate your thoughts clearly, you are less open to your words or tone being misinterpreted, etc. are you anxious right now? this is very much a social setting. if not- and i hope this doesn't sound insensitive- i'm left wondering, whats the difference? and, would identifying the difference help you overcome your anxiety?
- Tossrock 11y agoUnless you're a practiced dissembler, I think tone is much less likely to be misinterpreted in person. This is the phenomenon where someone nods and says "yeah" in a conversation even though they didn't actually hear / misinterpreted what you said; your tone is still clear (we are friendly right now and this conversation is enjoyable) and they want to affirm it. Or why sarcasm is so hard to do right over the internet.
- eivarv 11y agoI think you'd be hard pressed to find anything in his post by which to dismiss nilkn's (and the medical community's) assertion that the fear comes from "no rational reason". This is, after all, a defining feature of anxiety disorders. Note that he doesn't say that this kind of fear in itself is not rational (propensity towards it might come in handy in certain social situations), but the degree of this kind of fear in the contexts that a diagnosis demands is totally irrational. Even if we set aside the fact that the disorder in question does not deal with rational things, one can easily argue that (in this context) the text is more permanent, and can potentially reach many more than unrecorded spoken language. Downsides include the opportunity to get stuck in a loop of doubt and rewriting the entire post. Misinterpretation of the written word is also common. Therefore, the trademark anxious rumination is not less likely to occur by virtue of the medium alone. Some sufferers of social anxiety might be anxious in these settings, others might not. All in all: interpretation based on assumptions helps no-one.
- afro88 11y agoI have the same, but I don't think the fear is totally irrational. For me the fear is of being disliked and/or embarrassed by something I say or do. This is exacerbated by having the opposite of what the author of the article has - I read too much into negative social cues and take them personally. I don't have much capacity for going "oh, they're just having a bad day" - I take it on board and in my mind it's because of something I did or said. Unless I know someone well already, then I know their moods and can remove myself from the equation when they in bad ones. For me it's a catch 22 as well. If I'm not feeling socially anxious then I'm relaxed and it's easy to have confidence. Then there is nothing to fear and I'm not reading into anything or taking anything personally and it's all very easy and fun. But if I'm feeling socially anxious then I'm more likely to come across as unfriendly or weird, read too much into social cues and feel negatively about myself at the end of the interaction. Which feeds the cycle. Something that helps a lot is meditation and being in the now. It's very hard to be in the now during an anxious social situation, because your brain is trying so hard to distance itself from the situation and get you out of it with minimal damage. But acceptance of the situation and reminding yourself there's no lack and literally nothing to fear in the present moment can help. And definitely presence after a (maybe just perceived) negative social interaction can help a lot as well to break down the cycle.
- sneak 11y agoWhy do you care what other people think?
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