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A somewhat related article that I just happened to come across yesterday, including a novel treatment for social anxiety that is apparently helping some people

A somewhat related article that I just happened to come across yesterday, including a novel treatment for social anxiety that is apparently helping some people by exposing them to uncomfortable situations that are much more uncomfortable than the ones they have been having trouble with. I don't know if it would help this person, however. http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2015/10/what-is-social-anxiety/411556/ http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2015/10/what-is-so...

ksenzee 11y ago
The treatment that article describes is called exposure therapy. It's pretty much the standard of care for treating anxiety disorders. If you're afraid of flying, you fly. If you're afraid of people thinking you look weird, you walk down the street with your clothes on inside out and backwards. If you're afraid of inconveniencing people, you drive really slowly and just imagine what the people behind you are thinking. Eventually all this rewires your brain so it figures out you are not in fact going to be eaten by a saber-toothed tiger every time someone laughs at you. It's a lot of work, it's painful, it's hard to stick with, and it works really, really well.
- a3voices 11y ago
  The problem is it still doesn't become "fun". It always feels like work for me to talk to people I'm not already comfortable with, so I generally avoid it out of laziness. And I don't see enough gain in forcing myself to. You can't collect people like you can collect money. I think the biggest issue I have is socializing feels like a wasted effort to me. Like I put energy into something that is fleeting and then gone. There were times in my life when I had really good friendships, but now it feels like too much work and uncertainty to establish new ones.
  - rmrm 11y ago
    I used to feel much like this. After dealing with my social anxiety, I looked at it in a different light - that there isn't any pressure to make friends. It's more about just enjoying the time you are with other people. It might involve a little joke, or an observation you share or is shared with you, that means nothing but a chuckle, or you get a smile and nice feeling, and move along. When suffering from social anxiety, this can be difficult as my brain was too occupied worrying about what the other person was thinking about me, and that anxiety leads one to not be very capable of being themselves. Let that go and I found my brain freed up to actually be me in the moment. I found that my prior rationalizations ended up just being that. I found people actually are quite enjoyable, as is small talk. What I didn't like previously in those moments turned out to really be all about me.
    - rmrm 11y ago
      I should add because I try my best to talk freely about it - I decided to deal with my social anxiety by going to a therapist. She had me go through the exposure therapy, and after about 3 months of going once a week and talking with her, and performing her tasks - I was done. I very rarely get anxious. Usually only in big public speaking events now. But casually, or in large business discussions - not at all. It has improved my life more than most anything else I can think of. I think therapy results for many disorders might be mixed, but for social anxiety, exposure therapy can really, really work. I suggest anyone experiencing social anxiety to go to a therapist, and try it.
    - a3voices 11y ago
      I used to be very scared of talking to unfamiliar people, but I no longer feel the fear. I'm thoroughly desensitized to it from lots of socializing in the past, and being employed at various companies for years where I need to talk to coworkers. I guess it's been replaced by an aversion to the whole situation, a mild distaste for meeting people. It's like I have a lot of mental baggage holding me back, which perhaps came from lost friendships and relationships. Maybe it's also remnants of the strong anxiety I used to have.
      - rmrm 11y ago
        I know that I also dont maintain a lot of close friendships outside my family and SO. I am relatively self contained and don't seek a lot of advice or counsel. In that sense I'm very much a lazy friend as well, I don't want to put a ton of effort into them. I don't know if that is similar to what you are describing. Perhaps being somewhat more self contained than others is a learned behavior to have helped us deal with being socially anxious. Would make sense. I accept it and it doesn't bother me about myself.
        deleted 11y ago
        [deleted]

ksenzee 11y ago

The treatment that article describes is called exposure therapy. It's pretty much the standard of care for treating anxiety disorders. If you're afraid of flying, you fly. If you're afraid of people thinking you look weird, you walk down the street with your clothes on inside out and backwards. If you're afraid of inconveniencing people, you drive really slowly and just imagine what the people behind you are thinking. Eventually all this rewires your brain so it figures out you are not in fact going to be eaten by a saber-toothed tiger every time someone laughs at you. It's a lot of work, it's painful, it's hard to stick with, and it works really, really well.

a3voices 11y ago
The problem is it still doesn't become "fun". It always feels like work for me to talk to people I'm not already comfortable with, so I generally avoid it out of laziness. And I don't see enough gain in forcing myself to. You can't collect people like you can collect money. I think the biggest issue I have is socializing feels like a wasted effort to me. Like I put energy into something that is fleeting and then gone. There were times in my life when I had really good friendships, but now it feels like too much work and uncertainty to establish new ones.
- rmrm 11y ago
  I used to feel much like this. After dealing with my social anxiety, I looked at it in a different light - that there isn't any pressure to make friends. It's more about just enjoying the time you are with other people. It might involve a little joke, or an observation you share or is shared with you, that means nothing but a chuckle, or you get a smile and nice feeling, and move along. When suffering from social anxiety, this can be difficult as my brain was too occupied worrying about what the other person was thinking about me, and that anxiety leads one to not be very capable of being themselves. Let that go and I found my brain freed up to actually be me in the moment. I found that my prior rationalizations ended up just being that. I found people actually are quite enjoyable, as is small talk. What I didn't like previously in those moments turned out to really be all about me.
  - rmrm 11y ago
    I should add because I try my best to talk freely about it - I decided to deal with my social anxiety by going to a therapist. She had me go through the exposure therapy, and after about 3 months of going once a week and talking with her, and performing her tasks - I was done. I very rarely get anxious. Usually only in big public speaking events now. But casually, or in large business discussions - not at all. It has improved my life more than most anything else I can think of. I think therapy results for many disorders might be mixed, but for social anxiety, exposure therapy can really, really work. I suggest anyone experiencing social anxiety to go to a therapist, and try it.
  - a3voices 11y ago
    I used to be very scared of talking to unfamiliar people, but I no longer feel the fear. I'm thoroughly desensitized to it from lots of socializing in the past, and being employed at various companies for years where I need to talk to coworkers. I guess it's been replaced by an aversion to the whole situation, a mild distaste for meeting people. It's like I have a lot of mental baggage holding me back, which perhaps came from lost friendships and relationships. Maybe it's also remnants of the strong anxiety I used to have.
    - rmrm 11y ago
      I know that I also dont maintain a lot of close friendships outside my family and SO. I am relatively self contained and don't seek a lot of advice or counsel. In that sense I'm very much a lazy friend as well, I don't want to put a ton of effort into them. I don't know if that is similar to what you are describing. Perhaps being somewhat more self contained than others is a learned behavior to have helped us deal with being socially anxious. Would make sense. I accept it and it doesn't bother me about myself.
      - deleted 11y ago
        [deleted]