4 ms·

Except for the effort with non-verbal communication, I feel like I wrote this. I read non-verbal communication about as well as spoken word. I hate getting jus

Except for the effort with non-verbal communication, I feel like I wrote this. I read non-verbal communication about as well as spoken word. I hate getting just the voice. Phone conversations are the worst. Here's the thing... other people really do judge you. Some people make everyone else in the room feel at ease. I'm not that way. Sometimes I can fake it, but generally people don't seem to enjoy conversation with me. It's very stressful alternating between saying nothing and too much, which unfortunately makes it harder to practice this skill of conversation that some people just find so easy.

EC1 11y ago
Just stop caring what people think. It's up to them to signal you to stop. Talking about synths too much and they get uncomfortable? "Oh sorry I'm just really passionate about synths and I can fly off the handle sometimes!"
- eivarv 11y ago
  > Just stop caring what people think. You know what social anxiety (disorder) is about, right?;P
  - EC1 11y ago
    It takes work but eventually the feedback loop from caring -> not caring will be 0ms.
    - eivarv 11y ago
      It's not as though one can "just" disregard an important part of what constitutes the disorder, though. It takes treatment, or at least work (like you say).
- socially-awk 11y ago
  Just stop breathing. That roughly how the first part of your advice comes across. You are not the first and won't be the last. I bear you no ill will for saying it, but it's on the level of telling a depressed person to just stop feeling sad. I don't know if I'm diagnosable as actually having Social Anxiety. Heck, I never even heard those words until some drug commercial came on TV, so I'm a bit suspicious of the label. I do know that I see social experiences as different than most people. I've always been that way. Just a bit different in the head I guess. I like different things, think differently, and behave differently. It's part of who I am. I'm very much the old-school nerd. The one that everybody rolls their eyes at when he starts speaking. I care about things they don't. I don't care about things they do. So it's work for me to communicate with others in a way that doesn't make them roll their eyes. Yes, it's a skill. I'm better at it than I used to be. I could probably be even better at it. But it sure won't be because I stopped caring. If I do that that I'd become an oblivious blowhard.
  - EC1 11y ago
    I can tell you're autistic just by the way you are.
ksenzee 11y ago
A social anxiety group therapy setting can be really useful for practicing social skills. For example, you might have a semi-scripted conversation with another person in the group, and then the rest of the group gives you both feedback. You'd either find you're better at conversation than you think you are - which helps with confidence - or you'd get useful practical tips.
- socially-awk 11y ago
  What, and have to TALK in FRONT of a group of people. :) I've not actually been diagnosed, and honestly not sure if I would be. The key for me will likely be just practice in areas that work well for me. It will make the work into habit and probably make me more comfortable. Now to find the energy/courage to walk out that door to practice...
Zelphyr 11y ago
generally people don't seem to enjoy conversation with me Based on what evidence? Have people told you this or is it your perception that they don't enjoy conversation with you? If multiple people have told you that they don't enjoy conversation with you then... GREAT! You have data! Go ask them what it is they don't like. If you can agree that they have valid concerns then you can work on fixing those things. If you don't agree then that's ok too. You're being yourself.
- socially-awk 11y ago
  Eh, in my case I think the problem is that I'm interested in things other people aren't and other people are interested in things I'm not. In other words, being myself is generally the ticket to eye-rolling, exasperation, and boredom from others. My trick has been to keep others talking about what they're interested it in as long as possible. That usually works well because it's fun to hear what people are passionate about. Then again, last week that got me trapped in a conversation with a person who advised me to buy gold and bury it around my yard because paper money isn't real since we left the gold standard. Nice guy though.
  - Zelphyr 11y ago
    If you've ever read How To Win Friends and Influence People you'll know that a great strategy is to listen while others talk about themselves. So, in fact, you're probably well-liked when you do this.

EC1 11y ago

Just stop caring what people think. It's up to them to signal you to stop. Talking about synths too much and they get uncomfortable? "Oh sorry I'm just really passionate about synths and I can fly off the handle sometimes!"

eivarv 11y ago
> Just stop caring what people think. You know what social anxiety (disorder) is about, right?;P
- EC1 11y ago
  It takes work but eventually the feedback loop from caring -> not caring will be 0ms.
  - eivarv 11y ago
    It's not as though one can "just" disregard an important part of what constitutes the disorder, though. It takes treatment, or at least work (like you say).
socially-awk 11y ago
Just stop breathing. That roughly how the first part of your advice comes across. You are not the first and won't be the last. I bear you no ill will for saying it, but it's on the level of telling a depressed person to just stop feeling sad. I don't know if I'm diagnosable as actually having Social Anxiety. Heck, I never even heard those words until some drug commercial came on TV, so I'm a bit suspicious of the label. I do know that I see social experiences as different than most people. I've always been that way. Just a bit different in the head I guess. I like different things, think differently, and behave differently. It's part of who I am. I'm very much the old-school nerd. The one that everybody rolls their eyes at when he starts speaking. I care about things they don't. I don't care about things they do. So it's work for me to communicate with others in a way that doesn't make them roll their eyes. Yes, it's a skill. I'm better at it than I used to be. I could probably be even better at it. But it sure won't be because I stopped caring. If I do that that I'd become an oblivious blowhard.
- EC1 11y ago
  I can tell you're autistic just by the way you are.

ksenzee 11y ago

A social anxiety group therapy setting can be really useful for practicing social skills. For example, you might have a semi-scripted conversation with another person in the group, and then the rest of the group gives you both feedback. You'd either find you're better at conversation than you think you are - which helps with confidence - or you'd get useful practical tips.

socially-awk 11y ago
What, and have to TALK in FRONT of a group of people. :) I've not actually been diagnosed, and honestly not sure if I would be. The key for me will likely be just practice in areas that work well for me. It will make the work into habit and probably make me more comfortable. Now to find the energy/courage to walk out that door to practice...

Zelphyr 11y ago

generally people don't seem to enjoy conversation with me Based on what evidence? Have people told you this or is it your perception that they don't enjoy conversation with you? If multiple people have told you that they don't enjoy conversation with you then... GREAT! You have data! Go ask them what it is they don't like. If you can agree that they have valid concerns then you can work on fixing those things. If you don't agree then that's ok too. You're being yourself.

socially-awk 11y ago
Eh, in my case I think the problem is that I'm interested in things other people aren't and other people are interested in things I'm not. In other words, being myself is generally the ticket to eye-rolling, exasperation, and boredom from others. My trick has been to keep others talking about what they're interested it in as long as possible. That usually works well because it's fun to hear what people are passionate about. Then again, last week that got me trapped in a conversation with a person who advised me to buy gold and bury it around my yard because paper money isn't real since we left the gold standard. Nice guy though.
- Zelphyr 11y ago
  If you've ever read How To Win Friends and Influence People you'll know that a great strategy is to listen while others talk about themselves. So, in fact, you're probably well-liked when you do this.