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I enjoyed reading it. Without getting too picky, the biggest thing I'd work on is making the article more cohesive. I get how superpowers and hypnosis are relat

by dunstad 17y ago

I enjoyed reading it. Without getting too picky, the biggest thing I'd work on is making the article more cohesive. I get how superpowers and hypnosis are related, and I get how hypnosis is related to influencing people with words, but there's a lot of disconnect between A and C. The fourth and fifth paragraphs bored me a bit, so I skipped down to the next section. I don't find the history of magic and hypnosis nearly as interesting as your experiences with it, though perhaps that's a personal preference. I like the way you present words as tools to build or break bridges between people. That seems closest to what the piece is about. Finally, take my words with a grain of salt. It's your writing, after all. (P.S. Stephen King's On Writing is a great source of writing advice if you're interested.)

nonrecursive 17y ago
Thanks for the feedback. You know, I actually find the fourth and fifth paragraphs kinda boring myself. It seems like they either shouldn't be there or should be elaborated somehow. Someone else mentioned making it a short story, and I think if I were to do that I would add more to those paragraphs. One of the ideas that informed the writing (which I believe I first read on HN, incidentally), is something along the lines of "People rarely understand each other, and when they do it's usually by accident." That sentiment keeps coming up for me because I love, live with, and take care of someone with an illness which affects her cognitive function. She often can't find the right words, and it's been a struggle for me to let go of my perfectly reasonable interpretation of what she's said and believe her when she tells me she meant something different. For example, one night she said to me "You're such a wuss" when she meant "You're such a softie". This was so bizarre that it didn't bother me, but there have been other times when I've gotten pretty hurt. I can see how that experience might not be at all related to what I wrote, but the basic idea I'm trying to convey is my coming to understand how one of the only meaningful "powers" I can develop is the ability to connect with others, and the difficulty of that task.

by dunstad 17y ago

nonrecursive 17y ago

Thanks for the feedback. You know, I actually find the fourth and fifth paragraphs kinda boring myself. It seems like they either shouldn't be there or should be elaborated somehow. Someone else mentioned making it a short story, and I think if I were to do that I would add more to those paragraphs. One of the ideas that informed the writing (which I believe I first read on HN, incidentally), is something along the lines of "People rarely understand each other, and when they do it's usually by accident." That sentiment keeps coming up for me because I love, live with, and take care of someone with an illness which affects her cognitive function. She often can't find the right words, and it's been a struggle for me to let go of my perfectly reasonable interpretation of what she's said and believe her when she tells me she meant something different. For example, one night she said to me "You're such a wuss" when she meant "You're such a softie". This was so bizarre that it didn't bother me, but there have been other times when I've gotten pretty hurt. I can see how that experience might not be at all related to what I wrote, but the basic idea I'm trying to convey is my coming to understand how one of the only meaningful "powers" I can develop is the ability to connect with others, and the difficulty of that task.